(Closed) Am I wrong in wanting to be involved more?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

I read your other post but didn’t comment on it.

I would rather put out a campfire, with my face, on a weekly basis, than have to deal with a Mother-In-Law like this. Seriously, chill out and take a step back. You are coming across as incredibly self-centered and entitled in your posts. Let this poor girl enjoy planning her wedding. Your behavior and way of thinking is the perfect recipe for a strained relationship with your son and FDIL. And please, for the love of all that is pure and holy, do not attend the bachelor or bachelorette parties. 

Post # 33
Member
477 posts
Helper bee

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DVsMom:  Wow, don’t you think it’s a bit much to foretell the OP being cut off from her future grandchildren?

Post # 34
Member
86 posts
Worker bee

It’s not too late to adopt a teenage girl so that you can have the wedding that you’ve always dreamed of…. 

Post # 35
Member
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Is this a joke? Or, more likely, the bride in question posting and pretending to be Future Mother-In-Law, in order to get validation that Future Mother-In-Law is out of line?

Yes. The behavior described in OP is obviously out of line. It’s the bride and groom’s party (and yes, it’s just a party—the marriage is important, but the party is just their opportunity to start the marriage in a way that makes them happy). Raising someone doesn’t give you the right to tag along and offer input when they throw parties. Throw your own party if you want to fuss over dresses and menus. 

Post # 36
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Country Cottage and Gardens

I feel a little in the dark because I haven’t read your previous post. But… I would say in general that how much you’re involved in the wedding should be proportionate to how involved you were with her before the planning. I’m very early in the planning so we haven’t even told his parents the date yet. He forgot when he called them last  But She has been very absent in my life (doesn’t call or say anything about my birthday) and has done very questionable things in general. So if she asks to be involved in the planning then I will likely be considerate and let her to an extent but will not get too concerned with the amount. BUT if you were really involved and you had a great relationship then I could see you wanting to be involved. 

Since most people are saying you were overbearing and I didn’t read the first post then it sounds like you need to tread lightly. I would say it would be better to apologize for how you acted before and just tell her you would love to be involved for the fun of it but that you understand she’s in charge of making the actual decisions. And then let her involve you where she does. 

Post # 37
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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gogglefruits:  Not the poster you addressed, but honestly? No, I don’t think it is a stretch.

My Mother-In-Law is entirely too similar to OP, and after a disastrous Christmas this year (feel free to check out my two posts about her shenanigans), DH and I addressed how we were feeling with her, whereupon she played the victim, obviously yielding no change. 

We’ve now agreed (he and I) that if she continues to be overbearing, meddling, rude, hateful, disrespectful, spiteful, entitled, etc. — the same attitude as OP — we will discontinue our visits and have a VERY limited relationship with ILs. 

We don’t have children yet, but I’d bet that we’ll be darn close to no contact with Mother-In-Law by the time we do add to our family — all resulting from actions/words stemming from the same attitude demonstrated by OP.

Post # 38
Member
556 posts
Busy bee

I seem to remember the OP never responded on her first thread either. 

Post # 39
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

This post has Norma Bates written all over it.

OP, your son is not a doll for you to get into a tug-of-war with your FDIL over, I hope you’ll remember this in your interactions with her because seriously the “I gave birth to him, he’s MY son” in reference to your grown adult about-to-be-married son just comes off as smothering, entitled and a little irrational.

You have the power to flip this coin either way right now. You can choose to calm down, welcome your FDIL into your family, and express your support and encouragement in their wedding plans without expecting to run the show. Graciously accept offers of inclusion but please don’t make unreasonable demands. Or, you can continue as you have been doing, and you will end up alienating them with your behaviour and this will be a lose-lose situation for all of you. You can create all the threads you want hoping to re-word things for a different response, but at some point you need to start listening to the advice that’s meant to help you.

Post # 40
Member
2721 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

None of that stuff is any of your business!  Butt out!  

Post # 42
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee

 

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ediekn84:  The son that you gave birth to loves this girl very much. Remember that. You hurt BOTH of them before, please tell us you understand that. Your own actions have put you in this position, you are not the victim, THEY are.

 

Post # 43
Member
477 posts
Helper bee

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BeachBee1988: Don’t get me wrong – I’ve just read the previous post and I can see what you mean.

Still, I think responses can get a bit too sensationalist and heated on here. I mean, it’s not like we actually know the situation and all the people involved. Straight out predicting that the OP won’t see her future grandchildren because she is interfering in their wedding is a bit on the sensationalist side of things IMO.

Post # 44
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

 

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desss:  holy hells bells batman!! Thanks for the link!

 

Post # 45
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

She never responded to the first thread so I highly doubt this is real. 

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