(Closed) Am I wrong in wanting to be involved more?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 91
2667 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

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ediekn84:  You’re not going to get the answers you hope for if you continue to think the way you do. Yes, it would be lovely if your son and FDIL would include you more in their wedding plans and let you know what’s going on – but do you really blame them for keeping you in the dark after your overbearing behaviour caused them to postpone their plans years ago? Yes, it would be nice if your FDIL invited you dress shopping and to bridal expos – but she is not obligated to ask you to do these things with her (she’s not even obligated to ask her own mother, and this is the person most girls want to share these experiences with). At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that it’s not your wedding. Yes, you brought the groom into this world, but it doesn’t give you some sort of divine right to be involved in wedding planning. I really think you need to take a step back and assess why you are feeling so entitled to these things – perhaps that will help you to let go of the umbilical cord a little and see the bigger picture.

Post # 92
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

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emmmmru:  in her previous post she said that her son and FDIL had previously been planning a wedding but postponed it by something like three years because of her interfering and wanting to be part of everything her FDIL planned for her ‘darling son’s’ wedding. 

Post # 93
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m assuming that you’ve already had your own wedding (you mentioned your husband). True, your son wouldn’t exist without you – but that in no way gives you the right to meddle so much and demand that you be involved in this process. Let your future DIL experience being engaged and planning a wedding – it’s her and her fiance’s time – not yours. I understand that this is a very exciting time for you as your “darling” son is getting married, but you need to understand boundaries and abide by those boundaries. I can only imagine what you’ll be like once they have kids 🙁 

Post # 94
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I am the mother of an only child, a son. Honestly I cannot see your point of view, I’m sorry. The fact is that the bride does these things usually with her mother and/or wedding party. I accept that and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. If his future fiance should decide to include me that would be sweet, but she would be under no obligation to do so. There are other ways that I can be involved. Its just not that big of a deal. Do you want this issue to tear what’s left of your relationship apart? That is what will undoubtedly happen. Shit, you’ll miss out on your grand kids if you cross that line too far. 


Post # 95
516 posts
Busy bee

Oh boy–just wait until the first grandchild comes along.  I’ll tell you like my husband told our moms:  you’ve had your wedding, birth experience, first child, etc.  Let us have ours.

Post # 96
10677 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

[content moderated for name calling]

Post # 97
8281 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

Oh get a grip woman.

Post # 98
1321 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply

If OP forces the bride to include her Future Mother-In-Law in stuff then the bride is essentially being punished for marrying a man who doesn’t have any sisters. 

Nutty as a fruitcake. 

Post # 99
2454 posts
Buzzing bee

You are not being punished for having a son, you ate being punished because of how you treated them when they were trying to plan their first wedding. 

I invited my fmil to go dress shopping and to our tasting, because I like her! We aren’t best friends but we get along fairly well and I wanted to include her. I have absolutely no problem including her in things, but it’s limited, and it’s limited with my own mother. They are pretty much at the same level of involvement. I literally have invited them dress shopping, have shown them our engagement photos, and have gone to a tasting with them. Could I get them more involved? Sure, but I don’t really care about their opinion and if they don’t agree with something ive planned it could cause more hurt feelings. It’s just easier.  

Since, you were overbearing the last time they were trying to get married, I think it’s just easier to not involve you. You really should be focusing on mending your relationship now and honestly it might be too late, if they put off their wedding for three years and you haven’t done anything to try to make amends then I would think you are past the point of no return. Even if they do not want you involved in the wedding I would still focus on trying to fix your relationship so you can be involved in their lives further down the road. 

You need to take a step back, they are building a life together, you can be apart of it but ONLY if you respect what they decide to do for themselves. You areally his mother, but you are not his partner in life, you ate not the most important woman in his world anymore and you need to understand that and let go and let him build his life with your fdil. 

Post # 100
4035 posts
Honey bee

Post # 101
23585 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

It seems like this thread has run its course, so I’m going to close it now.

The topic ‘Am I wrong in wanting to be involved more?’ is closed to new replies.

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