Post # 31
summerbride2016: Do you have to do it? Yeah, kinda. They’re doing you too big a favor not to. If money is no object then board your dog or get a housesitter. Or ask your dad to watch the dog the whole time. It might not be a bad idea for your Future Mother-In-Law to learn that if her favors are going to come with strings you’d rather not accept them.
Now is your Future Mother-In-Law being selfish and unreasonable? Yes to that one too. You offered to cut her dog-sitting time in half and her drive in half. She found this upsetting?
If this is the first time that she’s exhibited an unwillingness to cut the cord then maybe it’s an isolated incident, but if she’s been a clingy mom the entire time I’d think this is just one more example of a mother who doesn’t want to give her baby boy up to the new girl.
Post # 32
So us going and getting the dog that day or the next is not an option. We get back on Sunday, July 3 at 3pm (IF there are no delays) and will be exhausted. The next day is the 4th of July and we have plans/will be relaxing/recuprerating before going back to work the next day, Tuesday, 4/5. We may have plans on July 3rd too.
We offered for his parents
A) to only watch the dog 1 week (instead of 2 weeks) and only drive 1.5 hours to meet my dad half way and he/dog sitter will watch rest of time
B) That they could drop him of Friday or Saturday (or again meet my dad half way) and dog sitter would watch last 2 days. If they drove full way they could stay the night at our house.
I see some of your points but again, after traveling for 24 hours through 5 time zones, his parents expect to visit/us entertain them.
Originally, had we flown out of their town, a major city, we would have got back at 5 am (instead of 3 pm) and been expected to go to church, breakfast and again visit/hang out which we would have traveled only 20 hours but been awake 24+ hours., traveling through 5 time zones (so we opted to fly in/out of our city, which is smaller). I just don’t see how that’s fair to expect someone to visit/etc after 13 day trip and a long day of traveling….
I guess we just get a dog sitter the entire time. We never asked them to watch the dog, they were offering and I was trying to make it easy on them, cutting their time in half. They want to watch the whole time but then want to stay the night
Post # 34
Coming from the side of having to board out our dog for a week in fall for our wedding in the states and then two weeks in january for our second ceremony out of the country (15+ hour flight with layovers)….I don’t think your inlaws were asking too much. They are saving you a ton of money and they are also doing your dog a favor by being in a home enviroment not boarding kennel or strangers. I’m sure they would have been perfectly fine had you retired to bed early after they drop off. I’m sure they’ll want to rest too after a three hour drive. Driving is hard on some people especially as you get older for some.
Personally, I would call your Future Mother-In-Law and say “Hey Mother-In-Law, I’m sorry that I upset you when you offered to stay the night when you drop off dog. I wasn’t thinking about the full picture and I realize you’re doing us a big favor by watching dog. I also realize three hours is a lot way to drive and tiring. I guess I was just concerned if we have to retire to bed early that day from the flight that it might be rude. However, I should have known better and know you’d understand as family. We would love if you would drop off dog and stay the night. We could have a lovely breakfast the following morning!”
Edit since seeing other posts: Ah, well, I guess it’s good then that you get your dog boarded with someone else for the duration. Good luck!
Post # 35
Get a dog sitter or find a kennel. Especially since you will be too exhausted to visit with family who did you a huge favor, but not too exhausted to have plans the next 2 days.
Post # 36
bklynbridetobe: actually, we have not agreed to anything. They asked our plans and we said we have not decided yet. I told them we were probably going to use our dog sitter.
- They offered to watch. They told me what they wanted to do was watch full 2 weeks
- I said I would not have them watch full 2 weeks as that is too long and told them my suggestion
- (we drop dog off when we are in town the wknd before, they return 1 week later by meeting my dad 1/2 way so they do not have to drive as long (3 hours round trip instead of 6 hours roundtrip)
- She offers to watch full 2 weeks and then says they’ll drive up, drop off and stay night
- I politely say “No offense, after being gone 13 days and all the traveling, we’ll be tired and will just want to relax”.
- She walked out of room
We chose the dates we did so that we had a holiday not out of our work vacation time to recover. We usually do things with friends/my fam on 4th of July..standing parade/race (depending on how we feel). Our plan was to use dog sitter and have our dog home when we get home. So that’s probably what we’ll end up doing.
I guess I’m wrong that I would not be up for entertaining/cooking/having my house ready for house guests after traveling for 24 hours through 5 time zones after being gone 13 days.
In hindsight, I should have said “FI and I will talk and let you know”. Then we talk and he lets her know what we decide to do.
Post # 37
I think the issue is that you’re treating coordinating dog drop-off/pick-up with them as if they’re your paid dog sitters who you don’t have to interact with. They’re not, they’re family, and they obviously want to see you, not just hand off the dog to someone without getting to spend time with you.
Nobody is saying that it’s unreasonable for you to not want to host them after traveling so long. But if that’s the case, this arrangement isn’t going to work, and you should hire someone instead.
Post # 38
summerbride2016: Forgive me. I’ve edited my previous comment. I misread and was under the impression that you were returning to this situation (in progress) rather than this being a future issue.
So since you already forsee this being a problem then a kennel is best your best bet. I totally understand wanting to decompress post vacation. As peridot456: stated they are not vendors so expecting them to go along seamlessly with what you prefer is simply not in the cards. you offered another option (having your parents watch the other half) and they are not willing to compromise, so to save yourself the future arugment do whats best for you. She’ll get over it in the long run.
Post # 39
I get that you’ll be tired. That’s totally fine. Denying your in laws a place to sleep after a three hour drive (and two weeks of dog sitting) is not fine. What you should have said was something like this: “That is so sweet of you to offer to drop fido off for us. Thank you! Of course you guys can stay the night – just don’t expect great company. We will most likely be exhausted from our trip.”
Post # 40
I don’t think it is unreasonable at all to not want to entertain someone after a long trip, especially if your sleep will be off. We had a red eye returning from our honeymoon, and it was a shorter trip than yours, and by the time we got home, I was a disaster. I couldn’t have been a decent host for a million dollars. We had to run an errand on our way home from the airport and it was one of the more miserable experiences in recent memory.
However, it does sound a little less reasonable when you can’t do it because you have so many other plans when you get back. Either you should take your dog to a kennel, or change your other plans to go pick the dog up from your in laws.
Post # 41
After reading your update, it does sound like finding a sitter / kennel is going to be the best (although way more expensive) option for you. Not WANTING to host them is understandable, but I do think you need to find a compromise if you do decide to take them up on their offer.
Post # 42
summerbride2016: I can totally understand where you’re coming from. I would not want this either. Yes, they are doing you a favor but they obviously expect something in return (staying over) and your Mother-In-Law is behaving like a baby. I would try to convince them to split watching the dog with your dad. Maybe he can even pick him up, so they don’t even have to travel. I just had to “entertain” the In laws yesterday (which is just sitting on the couch for them, despite us getting cake, coffee and other food) and I wanted to punch a wall at the end of the night. I also assume that your in laws never traveled that far, otherwise they wouldn’t even think twice about such a weird suggestion. Also: won’t there be a ton of traffic that weekend? Why would they want to do that…
Post # 43
I don’t think what your in laws are asking is unreasonable at all. If I were in your situation i’d make small talk for a bit and then excuse myself to my room for an early bed time and let your husband visit with his family the rest of the evening.
I can see why she’s upset.
Post # 44
I think you have to do it. They are doing you a giant favor! If you wait til the next weekend then they would have been watching your dog almost twenty days!? That’s ridiculous, no one wants to watch a dog for that long.
Post # 45
summerbride2016: “I guess I’m wrong that I would not be up for entertaining/cooking/having my house ready for house guests after traveling for 24 hours through 5 time zones after being gone 13 days.”
You keep harping on this like you’re the only one who’s ever been jet-lagged after a long flight, most people just suck it up and deal with it. Why you’d want to offend your Mother-In-Law over something so trivial is beyond me, she made you a generous offer and you’re acting like she’s being unreasonable and burdensome. Is this really something you want to cause bad feelings over?
As for the entertaining/cooking/ house ready excuse, it comes off as just that- an excuse. They’re family, you can graciously thank them for watching your pets, chat with them for a bit, then excuse yourself to go have a shower. Order in dinner ffs. You can go to bed before them, they’ll understand you’re tired, what they’re not understanding is your standoffishness after they’ve gone out of their way for you.
You mention you made plans for July 4th and possibly July 3rd (the day you get back) Is this latter date a typo or are you wanting to keep your first day back free for alternate plans you’d rather do than have your in-laws over?