(Closed) Am I wrong that I don't when want visitors the day we are back from honeymoon?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
2554 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

summerbride2016:  Do you have to do it?  Yeah, kinda.  They’re doing you too big a favor not to.  If money is no object then board your dog or get a housesitter.  Or ask your dad to watch the dog the whole time.  It might not be a bad idea for your Future Mother-In-Law to learn that if her favors are going to come with strings you’d rather not accept them.

Now is your Future Mother-In-Law being selfish and unreasonable?  Yes to that one too.  You offered to cut her dog-sitting time in half and her drive in half.  She found this upsetting?

If this is the first time that she’s exhibited an unwillingness to cut the cord then maybe it’s an isolated incident, but if she’s been a clingy mom the entire time I’d think this is just one more example of a mother who doesn’t want to give her baby boy up to the new girl.

Post # 34
Member
3050 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Coming from the side of having to board out our dog for a week in fall for our wedding in the states and then two weeks in january for our second ceremony out of the country (15+ hour flight with layovers)….I don’t think your inlaws were asking too much. They are saving you a ton of money and they are also doing your dog a favor by being in a home enviroment not boarding kennel or strangers. I’m sure they would have been perfectly fine had you retired to bed early after they drop off. I’m sure they’ll want to rest too after a three hour drive. Driving is hard on some people especially as you get older for some.

Personally, I would call your Future Mother-In-Law and say “Hey Mother-In-Law, I’m sorry that I upset you when you offered to stay the night when you drop off dog. I wasn’t thinking about the full picture and I realize you’re doing us a big favor by watching dog. I also realize three hours is a lot way to drive and tiring. I guess I was just concerned if we have to retire to bed early that day from the flight that it might be rude. However, I should have known better and know you’d understand as family. We would love if you would drop off dog and stay the night. We could have a lovely breakfast the following morning!”

 

Edit since seeing other posts: Ah, well, I guess it’s good then that you get your dog boarded with someone else for the duration. Good luck!

Post # 35
Member
733 posts
Busy bee

Get a dog sitter or find a kennel. Especially since you will be too exhausted to visit with family who did you a huge favor, but not too exhausted to have plans the next 2 days.

Post # 37
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee

I think the issue is that you’re treating coordinating dog drop-off/pick-up with them as if they’re your paid dog sitters who you don’t have to interact with. They’re not, they’re family, and they obviously want to see you, not just hand off the dog to someone without getting to spend time with you.

Nobody is saying that it’s unreasonable for you to not want to host them after traveling so long. But if that’s the case, this arrangement isn’t going to work, and you should hire someone instead.

Post # 38
Member
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

summerbride2016:  Forgive me. I’ve edited my previous comment.  I misread and was under the impression that you were returning to this situation (in progress) rather than this being a future issue.  

So since you already forsee this being a problem then a kennel is best your best bet. I totally understand wanting to decompress post vacation. As peridot456:  stated they are not vendors so expecting them to go along seamlessly with what you prefer is simply not in the cards. you offered another option (having your parents watch the other half) and they are not willing to compromise, so to save yourself the future arugment do whats best for you. She’ll get over it in the long run. 

Post # 39
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I get that you’ll be tired. That’s totally fine. Denying your in laws a place to sleep after a three hour drive (and two weeks of dog sitting) is not fine. What you should have said was something like this: “That is so sweet of you to offer to drop fido off for us. Thank you! Of course you guys can stay the night – just don’t expect great company. We will most likely be exhausted from our trip.” 

Post # 40
Hostess
1725 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t think it is unreasonable at all to not want to entertain someone after a long trip, especially if your sleep will be off.  We had a red eye returning from our honeymoon, and it was a shorter trip than yours, and by the time we got home, I was a disaster.  I couldn’t have been a decent host for a million dollars.  We had to run an errand on our way home from the airport and it was one of the more miserable experiences in recent memory.  

However, it does sound a little less reasonable when you can’t do it because you have so many other plans when you get back.  Either you should take your dog to a kennel, or change your other plans to go pick the dog up from your in laws.  

Post # 41
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

After reading your update, it does sound like finding a sitter / kennel is going to be the best (although way more expensive) option for you. Not WANTING to host them is understandable, but I do think you need to find a compromise if you do decide to take them up on their offer.

Post # 42
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

summerbride2016:  I can totally understand where you’re coming from. I would not want this either. Yes, they are doing you a favor but they obviously expect something in return (staying over) and your Mother-In-Law is behaving like a baby. I would try to convince them to split watching the dog with your dad. Maybe he can even pick him up, so they don’t even have to travel. I just had to “entertain” the In laws yesterday (which is just sitting on the couch for them, despite us getting cake, coffee and other food) and I wanted to punch a wall at the end of the night. I also assume that your in laws never traveled that far, otherwise they wouldn’t even think twice about such a weird suggestion. Also: won’t there be a ton of traffic that weekend? Why would they want to do that…

Post # 43
Member
9852 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I don’t think what your in laws are asking is unreasonable at all. If I were in your situation i’d make small talk for a bit and then excuse myself to my room for an early bed time and let your husband visit with his family the rest of the evening.

I can see why she’s upset.

Post # 44
Member
2460 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you have to do it. They are doing you a giant favor! If you wait til the next weekend then they would have been watching your dog almost twenty days!? That’s ridiculous, no one wants to watch a dog for that long. 

Post # 45
Member
5916 posts
Bee Keeper

summerbride2016:  “I guess I’m wrong that I would not be up for entertaining/cooking/having my house ready for house guests after traveling for 24 hours through 5 time zones after being gone 13 days.”

You keep harping on this like you’re the only one who’s ever been jet-lagged after a long flight, most people just suck it up and deal with it. Why you’d want to offend your Mother-In-Law over something so trivial is beyond me, she made you a generous offer and you’re acting like she’s being unreasonable and burdensome. Is this really something you want to cause bad feelings over? 

As for the entertaining/cooking/ house ready excuse, it comes off as just that- an excuse. They’re family, you can graciously thank them for watching your pets, chat with them for a bit, then excuse yourself to go have a shower. Order in dinner ffs. You can go to bed before them, they’ll understand you’re tired, what they’re not understanding is your standoffishness after they’ve gone out of their way for you. 

You mention you made plans for July 4th and possibly July 3rd (the day you get back) Is this latter date a typo or are you wanting to keep your first day back free for alternate plans you’d rather do than have your in-laws over? 

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