(Closed) Am I wrong that I don't when want visitors the day we are back from honeymoon?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 46
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m sorry, I don’t understand this at all.  Your honeymoon sounds like my honeymoon.  20 hours of flying and up for 36 hours.  My in-laws watched our canine child for the whole 2.5 weeks we were gone.  If they offered to make the 1.5 hour trip to drop him off after we get back from our honeymoon, the least I would offer is for them to stay overnight.  We got in at 1 am and slept for 5 hours and went to get our dog from my in-laws the following morning and spent a few hours with them even though we were dead on our feet, because that’s what you do when someone is doing you a favor.  You show them gratitude.  I also don’t understand your reason of not picking up your dog.  It’s your dog, your responsibility.  You can very well get your dog that weekend, but you chose not to because you want to spend time with your friends.  You may also have plans on the day you get back.  So, you’re going to be too tired to entertain your in-laws, but not too tired for other plans.  I would be pretty offended if I were your Mother-In-Law.  Why should your in-laws have to take care of your dog for another week, because you choose not to pick up your dog that weekend?  Maybe they didn’t want to drive 1.5 hours to drop off your dog at your dad’s house, because it’s a lot of work and they don’t think it’s worth driving three hours to see your dad, but it’s worth the 3 hour drive to see their son and new D-I-L.   I think you’re being pretty ungrateful here.  I would board your dog next time if you want someone that works on your schedule.      

Post # 47
Member
5923 posts
Bee Keeper

p.s.  My pets are like family to me, if I had a relative of FI’s or mine who would take good care of them while we went on holidays & brought them home to us, I’d not only welcome them to stay and sleepover, I’d stop off on the way home from the airport, tired or not, & buy flowers for my Mother-In-Law as well as bagels, orange juice, coffee cream, whatever needed to throw together a nice but easy brunch in the morning- and dinner I’d simply order in, our treat as an additional thanks. 

Post # 48
Member
1017 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I dont know why it’s a big deal to have them over? You don’t need to entertain them, you can still shower and unwind, im sure they will understand, just sit around the tv together chatting and chilling.  I don’t understand why you can’t speak to them for a little bit although you can hang out with your friends the next day.  Of course they don’t want to drive 1.5 hours to meet your dad, why would they want to do that?  I’m sure they’d rather see their son.  Also 6 hours of driving in one day is exhausting for a lot of people, it’s much safer if they rest over night before going back, you wouldn’t want them to get in a wreck because they were tired because you didn’t want to have them stay over.  

You don’t need to be a ‘good host’ and make them dinner and all that, just order food for everyone and relax.

I know the travel part is not relaxing, but you would have just been on a relaxing honeymoon trip, you shouldnt’ be so beat from traveling that you can’t hold a conversation… seems pretty extreme 

Post # 49
Member
6635 posts
Bee Keeper

summerbride2016:  So–it’s not that they aren’t willing to wait until the next day to deliver your dogs to you, you just aren’t keen on that idea because you may have other plans? If you’re open to plans on the 3rd and 4th, but just not plans with your ILs after they have saved you a boatload of money by taking care of your dogs–yes, that’s rude. How much does it really require to order takeout and chat over dinner–you have to eat anyway–before excusing yourself to go to bed? Your Mother-In-Law was kind to walk out of the room and say nothing. Board the dogs or find a dog sitter. 

Post # 50
Member
9589 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

considering your responses, I’m just gonna throw in one more vote for “pay a dog sitter”.. that way you don’t need to observe any of the niceties that go along with someone doing you a huge favor.  I don’t think you’re unreasonable for feeling the way you do–I know I find it really tiring to spend time with my in laws and wouldn’t want to do it after a long flight or instead of hanging with my freinds at a big 4th of July party.. but since you don’t get to dictate the terms of a favor, paying someone so you can relax in peace is definitely your best bet.

Also, fwiw, almost never is any sentence that opens with “no offense but..” polite.

Post # 51
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

They must feel so honoured that you’re about to be their daughter in law.

Post # 52
Member
2181 posts
Buzzing bee

I am with you, OP I would not want to host overnight visitors the day I got back into town from my honeymoon. Even if that meant I had to pay to board the dog for that long. You could board the dog for a week and then have you dad watch the dog the other weeks to avoid all of this craziness. Sure they will want to hear all about it but the day you get back is ridiculously rude. I can’t believe people are saying this is ok. Good luck. 

Post # 53
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Personally, I always go and get my dog from my mom’s as I’m coming home from the airport when I’ve been away. Of course this means sitting and chatting for a few hours (I find I always land midday) when I’m tired and grumpy but its worth it to show appreciation for her watching my baby and to get to see him right away. 

Maybe you can socialize for just a few hours then head to bed and socialize more over breakfast?

Post # 54
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

You could easily go pick up the dogs on July 4th, you’d just rather spend that time with your friends. So what exactly do you expect your in laws to do? Drive far and you won’t even say hi? Or force your dad to also drive so you can go party with your friends, and still have the ils drive for 3h?

Yeah, you either need to suck it up and have them overnight (and go out for dinner? no one said you have to cook), pick up the dogs yourself on the 4th, or board them separately.

Post # 55
Member
4021 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Why can’t you have a 20 min chat about the honeymoon then excuse yourself and go to bed? Would they REALLY expect to be entertained after that long of a trip?

Post # 56
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I would graciously accept their offer, and use the shit ton of $$ they save you in boarding fees to order a pizza and a couple nice bottles of wine for the evening you “entertain” them. 

Post # 57
Member
8818 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

summerbride2016:  “I guess we just get a dog sitter the entire time.” — Yep, do this. Because all of your ideas involving the in-laws are unreasonable. You’re treating them like hired help, except they’re not getting paid. AND they’re family, trying to do something nice for you. It would be one day of your life, to make a special memory that would last a long time. Instead you’re being petty and starting your new family off on a bad foot. I think you’re going to regret this. Seriously, it’s ONE day.

Post # 58
Member
3065 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

summerbride2016:  Im the same as you but every time we come back from a trip we have to stop by his folks as they do us a HUGE favor and watch our dog. You can do it. Suck it up.

Post # 59
Member
4528 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

summerbride2016:  hey if anyone looked after my pets for two weeks and were willing to save me a six hour round trip to pick them up I would be welcoming them over to stay by turning down the bed, making a swan out of bath towels and putting a chocolate on their pillow!!!!

Seriously it won’t hurt you to have them stay the night . order take out fordinner, tell them about your trip head to bed and wave them off in the morning. It is always good to foster family relations when you can. Call your Mother-In-Law up and tell her she is welcome to come and stay.

Post # 60
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

how old are you? 50? push thru the tiredness or go to bed and let your future husband entertain his parents because that is definately the way to start a marriage off with the in-laws.  seriously, you do not have the proper ettiquette or manners to entertain your Father-In-Law for an evening after they have done you a serious favour? the reason that your Father-In-Law want to keep your dog  for the full 2 weeks is so that they have a legit reason for seeing their SON after HIS honeymoon and sharing in HIS excitement. the man you are marrying is still his mothers child and mom’s want to share in their children’s happiness. or better yet spend the money and board the animal. but be aware, Mother-In-Law do not forget and feelings get hurt easily at wedding time.

The topic ‘Am I wrong that I don't when want visitors the day we are back from honeymoon?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors