Post # 1
My best friend got married last month and I was her maid of honor. As the title states, I am quite upset with her and would like to know if it is just me or if you would feel the same in my situation? Also, i should note that she is my maid of honor as well.
We have been best friends for about six years but have been living in different states for the last two or three years. We rarely get to see each other, which is why I decided to drive up a week and a half before her wedding to spend time with her and help her with whatever she had left to do for her wedding. Before I left, she said she was excited that we would finally have time to catch up and do a little shopping together or perhaps take a swim at the lake. When I got there, she overwhelmed me with things she still had to get done. I probably did 75% of her programs, escort cards, menu cards, spray painted frames and assembled the favors. She hardly helped me at all, she just told me how she wanted it. She spent most of her time exercising, tanning, or out with her fiancé. I went with the flow since it was her wedding but now I’m just left feeling really bitter about it. I made 200 programs last minute that required a bow, hole punching, ribbon cutting, corner cutting, stamping, and printing. The escort cards were a little bit easier than that but I still hand wrote everybody’s name on each card and glued and cut. Dont get me wrong, I did suggest simpler options! She didn’t even have a wedding day timeline or a wedding binder which I ended up doing myself with the help of her mom. To make it worse, when I told her I needed help with the programs, she invited one of her old friends over to help. Instead they both sat next to me talking about old times. I felt left out and sad. We did very little catching up and hardly spent any time together. Another thing that really hurt me was after her final dress fitting. We were standing around waiting for them to steam her dress and she mentioned that she was bored so I suggested we go see my wedding dress (that she has never seen) that was hanging on a rack just a few feet away. She declined and we proceeded to stand around for another 5 minutes. And her bachelorette party, she was very controlling about it and demanded that she plan it herself. She ended up hating the party despite the fact that we surprised her with lingerie and other fun things in addition to what she had planned. Oh, and lets not even mention the fact that she had me take her “getting ready” photos right before her wedding because she forgot to tell her photographer to be there before the ceremony. She has always acted kind of spoiled, and I’ve been okay with that until now. Ugh, and I’m left feeling guilty because I don’t want to even talk to her for the next two months. I got no real thank you from her. The sad thing was the day after her wedding was my birthday which she forgot about until my fiancé mentioned it to her. I’m confused about having her as a maid of honor now and the state of our friendship based on how she acted. I know a lot of it was probably stress since weddings make brides crazy… but still… Is this normal? Have you ever just completely disliked somebody after being their MOH?
Post # 3
Ugh….Can you say BRIDEZILLA!!!! I don’t have that much self control to put up with people like that. I don’t think it’s normal. I have been in a couple of weddings and the Bride never acted like that. If she is your friend you should talk to her about it.
Post # 4
*WARNING* I’m playing devil’s advocate here…
To be entirely honest, I think you’re being a little sensitive…
You volunteered to help her with last-minute wedding stuff and she took you up on it. Yes, it was more than you expected – but did you ever tell her you were overwhelmed? To be honest, she probably doesn’t even realize she hurt your feelings.
I haven’t had my bachelorette party or wedding day yet so I can’t speak from experience. However, I’m sure she didn’t intend to hurt you or take advantage of you. She probably just had a lot on her shoulders, was stressed and saw that you would be the first to lend a hand (and not complain).
I’m not saying to “get over it,” I just want you to remember that she asked you to be her Maid/Matron of Honor for a reason, just as you asked her. Try not to let a few days worth of stress and frustration with her taint your many years of friendship.
Post # 5
What. a. bitch.
I don’t blame you for being upset.
I would phase her out after your wedding. Seriously. Who need that in their life!
Post # 6
It sounds like an episode of bridezillas! I think you’re justified in your feelings. I’d let the dust settle and see what happens in the next month or two before you determine what to do with your friendship moving forward.
Post # 7
Unfortunatly some brides get Maid/Matron of Honor and slave mixed up. You did offer to help, but to some people that means do it all. And some people handle stress differently. But maybe she will turn around after her wedding.
Post # 8
You’re not wrong to be upset.
She took full advantage of your generosity. And she wasn’t a good friend to you when she was basking in the glory.
I would talk with her and see what she has to say. Maybe you will not want to end the friendship after your chat.
Post # 9
Wow, what a spoiled brat. It’s awful that you had to go through that. I get that your wedding is all about you but people forget that your wedding day wouldn’t be the same if you weren’t surrounded by your loved ones. Treat them kindly! Who would celebrate your big day if they weren’t there?
I know you were in a difficult spot with it being her day and all-you don’t want to upset her as she was probably stressed BUT you really relieved alot of her stress and if she don’t want to recognize that, then screw her! (Especially now that her day is over). Think about it, would you ever treat her that way? Probably not. We ALL have a friend like that. People change. We all move on.
The greatest advice my dad ever gave me was that I’d be lucky if I grew up and kept 2-3 real close friends along the way. I’m in my twenties now, and I have 1 childhood friend that I keep in contact with. The rest, well, we’ve all grown apart. We’ve all changed.
I’d say talk to your friend about how you feel. If she can take responsibility for her behavior (ie:say SORRY) then great! If not, c’est la vie!
Post # 10
@kyleandjillian61513: I agree.
Whilst yes she took advanatge of your generosity you did offer. You chose to help and at anytime you could have said no but you didn’t. I don’t find it entirely fair to wholely blame the bride. As adults we need to stand up for ourselves and to realise that people can only take advanatge of us if we let them.
Yes she was being a brat at her bachelorette but you admitted that she has always been a little bit this way so I am not sure why the behaviour suprised you.
It sounds like you and your friend have grown apart and I guess you have two options-
- talk to her about how you feel like you guys have changed and grown and need to reconnect and then work on building the relationship
- talk to her about how you feel like you guys have grown apart and changed and that you feel like you are in different places in life and do not want to continue the relationship
Post # 11
I think you are entirely right for feeling that way..it sounds like you were a wonderful help and its a shame that your friend didn’t see that. I think it might be a good idea to either talk to her. Yes it was her special day but no reason to act that way. I hope things work out for you!
Post # 12
I felt like I was reading an episode of Bridezillas. O_O;
I do not think you are over reacting or that you are over sensitive. Just like what other girls have been saying in this thread that she took advantage of your generosity and your willingness to help her. She abused you.
You know what it is like to be a bride! Do you do anything she has done to you to her or your other bride’s maids? I don’t think so.
When I am with my M.O.H and other bride’s maid I always ask for their opinion and ask if they are comfortable doing what I ask them. I do this because I know how stressful a wedding can be not just on my part but on everyone’s. Just because you are getting married doesn’t mean your common courtesy and friends just fall by the waste side, this is a time to get closer to friends and family.
You should talk to her though, this is something that is burning underneath your skin and as long time friends she should understand and work with you to resolve your feelings during this time.