(Closed) Am I wrong to be upset?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I wouldn’t be upset by the cost of the gift so much as the fact that he totally forgot two important events. =/ He should not be making you feel guilty for his mistake…try having a calm heart-to-heart with him. I’m so sorry–this situation sucks!

Post # 4
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I would be upset but from my husband, I kind of expect it.  If I don’t give him exact details about what I want for a gift, he doesn’t have a clue.  Some guys just aren’t good with those sorts of things.  I think that you need to just let it go and if you want something for a gift next time, give him a list.

Post # 5
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am with you!  I would be upset to.  It isn’t about the $$ it is about the thought that counts.  Seems like he went out to go buy movies for himself and sort of just got you one on the whim.  I am sure if he would have written you a poem/letter or picked some flowers for you you would have been happy and it wouldn’t have cost him a thing.  It sucks that women are much more detailed and thoughtful than men are but that doesn’t give them an excuse I think.  I’m sorry…now go out and get you something EXTRA special for yourself and use his credit card! lol….

Post # 7
Member
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m curious if you’ve been together a long time?  I think this is a good catalyst to have a discussion about your expectations. 

I’m not a big gift person, but my husband is.  I prefer occassions to be marked with spending time together.  There’s nothing wrong with either way, but it’s important that your partner understands what’s going to make you feel properly celebrated. 

Post # 9
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

Oh man, me and the boyfriend had this SAME fight on my birthday. I am a HUGE gift person. I *love* finding the right present and putting lots of thought and effort into it. I gave him really well thought out gifts on his bday that he absolutely loved and said it was the best birthday ever. What did I get on mine? A gift card. I was SO pissed. Needless to say, he won’t be doing that again.

My only advice is to just talk to him and make him understand how much it upsets you. That’s what i did.

Post # 10
Member
1756 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’d be pissed. It’s not even about the gift he got you (which is pretty lame), but it’s about what he failed to do. You made it fairly clear that it’s important to you for him to remember significant dates, and he failed. And when he realized that he had failed, rather than making the effort to give you something meaningful (hell, even a sweet note would have been better!), he went with a used DVD.

Do you guys have any sort of shared calendar? A physical one on the fridge, maybe? Or a shared Google calendar? If not, you might want to consider getting one and recording all important dates. (From personal experience, shared Google calendars are great.)

Post # 12
Member
1756 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@summerbride12: I’d outright tell him your expectation that Christmas needs to be extra-special, rather than counting on him to realize it.

Post # 13
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with redherring.  I would tell him what you want for Christmas so you don’t have to deal with disappointment again and there are no mixed messages.

Post # 15
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’d be upset… but i assume he’s always been rubbish at giving gifts? that was the case with my Fiance. After a first (disappointing) birthday gift I had to have a chat with him and kind of tell him the kind of gifts I’m used to (I know it sounds horrible, but I explained to him for me love = gift giving, one of those love language things etc), and now he knows how important it is for me! So last christmas = jewelry, and this year he’s already asked if i want more jewelry

I also make sure i ask him what he wants, and if he says “ah, a DVD”, then I say: “a DVD is not a birthday gift! Do you want xxxx? (xxx = something expensive)

 

Works really well! I think some men (not all) need to be educated about gift giving

Post # 16
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! you should go out and do something for yourself – get a manicure, buy yourself a little present, meet a friend for a drink or something. it probably feels worse because you’re sitting home alone stewing about it. hopefully he’ll be home this evening and you can do something nice together then?

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