Post # 1
I’ve only just joined but I’ve been reading the boards since I discovered the site several weeks ago. I only just got around to joining so that I could contribute and post J
I get married 3 weeks tomorrow (gulp!!) and to give you a bit of background I have been with my fiancé for just over 5 years now. We have an almost 3 year old daughter together (hence the long engagement) and he was married previously so had 2 other daughters. We have them regularly and my daughter worships them and they are lovely girls. It was difficult adapting at first but we’re at a really great stage where everybody gets along. We spend special occasions with all the kids and my fiance’s ex wife and her boyfriend and I get along really well with her. She texts me and we chat on facebook occasionally. We’ll never be best friends but she’s nice. I decided it would be a good idea to invite her to our evening reception. It seemed odd not to when she is part of our lives and its nice for her to see the girls in their bridesmaids dresses etc. My fiance’s family aren’t keen on her (she cheated on him) but its not their decision so she’s coming. My fiancé called me from work just now and said he wondered if we should also invite his ex wife’s brother and his wife to the evening reception. They are friendly and he went along to the stag weekend. They rarely see each other but text occasionally and have things in common. My other half says he doesn’t view him as an ex brother in law just a friend and I believe him but for some reason I feel really uncomfortable with him being invited. I said ‘maybe we should invite her mother aswell and the other brother’ (sarcasm is the lowest form of wit I know!!)
Am I right feeling strange about this? As I’m typing I’m thinking I might be being ridiculous here. How can I not mind the ex wife being there but have an issue with the brother? Also I don’t want my new in laws to wonder why half of his ex in laws are at our wedding, lol.
Opinions gratefully received, am I being touchy here?
Post # 3
@mrsappleby2bee: as long as no one needs a muzzle, a security guard, and gives you presents I say invite em all!!!
Post # 4
haha, thanks for the reply! I suspect the ex mother in law might need a muzzle after a few glasses of wine but wasn’t going to invite her anyway so thats ok.
Post # 5
This is one of those gray areas. I dont think its weird to invite or not to invite.
You are entitled to your opinions/feelings for sure! I think since he does get along with the ex Brother-In-Law, then it may be more like a friend and since the ex is coming, it might make her more comfortable as well.
If it really bothers you, then tell your Fiance that it makes you feel uncomfortable and while you understand he sees him as a friend, you still see him as his ex family. Hopefully he would understand where you are coming from. Or maybe with a few days to think about it you will decide you dont care.
Post # 6
thanks for replying. He knows that I feel uncomfortable because of him being the ex brother in law but I’m having a hard time explaining to myself why i feel that way let alone trying to explain it to him. I’m pretty sure you are right though and maybe I’ll just get over it and it won’t matter. At least she’ll feel more comfortable and they won’t be on their own and hiding from my new in laws all night! haha
Post # 7
@mrsappleby2bee: I can see why it would be weird to invite the ex brother in law, but since you are inviting the ex and thats not weird for you then it seems like the brother in law would be less weird than that, so I think it would be okay. Esspecially if he is a good enough friend to go to the stag weekend. But its your wedding and I think you two just need to decide what works for both of you and what you are comfortable with!
Post # 9
Thanks all. I don’t know why this bothered me as much. The more I think about it the more I think if I don’t mind the ex wife I shouldn’t care about the brother. Plus if it makes my Fiance happy on our day I’ll just smile and forget about it
Post # 10
Just a viewpoint from somone who’s stayed close with her ex and his family! I adore my ex’s new Girlfriend and we talk quite a bit. I like her more than him actually! lol I did not invite them to my wedding, although I would have been comfortable with it, b/c it would have been odd for the rest of my family. If he came to the stag party and is considered a friend by your Fiance, it seems to make sense that he could be at the reception and sit with his sister and nieces. Would they pretty much have a table to themselves?
It sounds like you’re feeling a bit pressured to keep adding on guests… and it makes sense that at some point, having an open door policy on the past would have to stop. You don’t have to justify your feelings about it and if you’re not comfortable, that’s all that matters. But… I keep thinking of how I get along with my ex’s family and how nice it is for the kids involved to see such amazing role models in this type of situation. If it stays positive for the kids, then I say yes. If it has the potential to break down, no way.
Post # 11
Thanks for sharing. I am feeling a bit of pressure with the wedding getting so close in general. I think Fiance must have just suddenly realised it might be rude to not invite him as he was happy to come along for the stag weekend (and apparently spent a load of money on strippers but ssshh to the wife, lol) and some of his other ‘friends’ bailed out on him. Made him realise who really cares I think. Its great for the kids seeing us all get along. We’re even all having Christmas Day together this year so they can all be together. I don’t see any potential for anything breaking down and there certainly won’t be any arguements. My family have only met the girls but not the ex wife but obviously his family know her. My Fiance doesn’t mind them being uncomfortable potentially because he see’s it as their problem that they have issues with her. She cheated on him and he has no issue now and has moved on so why would they still be hostile (although not to the point of fighting or anything, just ignoring each other probably which I can cope with) Table wise evening receptions in the UK are a bit less formal (I think) and people can sit wherever they choose or stand in the bar etc. Its only the day time part that is very structured and they have named seats but they won’t be attending that part. (now that would be weird!)