Am I wrong to feel Disappointed? – Little sister pregnant first….

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Everyone moves at a different pace. I’m sure your younger sister has felt the same way you do at one point! I know I have! My older sister got engaged and married before me, and has a baby now. Sometimes I feel as if the novelty may wear off once my wedding comes, but deep down I know that isn’t true. Everything happens for a reason, just keep TTC and don’t allow your sisters pregnancy to stop YOU from starting a family 🙂 

Post # 3
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Let me ask you this if you find out you’re pregnant next month will YOU be excited ? I think you will be over the 🌙 moon with pure joy. Your sister’s pregnancy won’t take away from YOUR happiness and btw you aren’t having a baby to make your family happy so there’s that !

Focus on yourself and your little family.

Post # 4
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I totally know where you’re coming from, and feelings are feelings and hard to turn off. It’s worth keeping in mind though that since you got married first she may have had those same feelings about her wedding. Life is full of those moments of give and take. Would it help to look for the silver lining, it will be so great if you two are able to have kids close together! My oldest cousin is 9 years younger than me and my family moved shortly after he was born. I have cousins I’ve never met and wish I had the chance to have a relationship with them!

Post # 5
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think in this case it would only multiply the joy. If you do conceive right away (because there’s a chance it could take awhile) then your children would be less than a year apart in age. It could be a bonding experience, with both you and your sister going though first time motherhood together. Your children could grow up being really close. And I can’t imagine your parents being anything other than super happy for both of you. 

I wouldn’t put off your life plans because of her getting pregnant. Just do what you were planning all along because I think it might make you feel resentful if you’re putting your life on hold for your sister. 

Post # 6
Member
8323 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

sorry double post

Post # 7
Member
8323 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

LittleKBee :  

Putting TTC off because your sister is pregnant and you don’t want your birth to be ‘overshadowed’  im some way should  you give  birth fairly soon afterwards is….. well, it’s mental OP.

If you are ready and mature  enough to be a parent , you are old enough not to sulk over such a thing. I’m glad  you said that about not letting  her know how you feel !

ETA, course we all have irrational feelings  sometimes , me too!.

 

Post # 8
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

LittleKBee :  argh its irrational but I completely understand. My sister has a 5 year old so I was never going to be first there. But hubbys brothers wife announced their pregnancy when i was 8 weeks. I was so irrationally devastated, but everyone was so crazy excited. 

They actually lost their baby at 13 weeks, so now we are first, but its certainly not gratifying. 

Post # 9
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

Ohhh I sooooo get this! I even made my baby sister promise not to get married or have babies before me! Lol she’s so great though that if she did I’d still be over the moon happy for her, but I totally understand where you are coming from. 

Post # 10
Hostess
8546 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

LittleKBee :  I get where you are coming from. My little sister got engaged this year and as much as I was happy for her and her Fiance (who I love like a brother) I bawled my eyes out because I haven’t yet gotten engaged or married and I am in my 30’s. It was like a gut punch and I felt like because she will be doing that all first when I do it, it won’t be so special blah blah. Mum will have already gone dress shopping for her daughters wedding, Dad will have already walked his daugher down the aisle etc. But do you know what…… Now I am kind of glad. She is getting all the stress of having to have a wedding to suit everyone. My parents can tick that off the list so when I decided to do my wedding my way they probably won’t give much of a damn! lol. Just think, yes, your sister may have a baby first, but she will be getting all the unsolicited advice first! Big hugs to you. It doesn’t make you a bad person to feel like that.

Post # 11
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

so your worried this baby will steal you hypothetical future babies thunder?

really thats the least important thing about having a child

Post # 12
Member
741 posts
Busy bee

LittleKBee :  Feeling jealous because you want to be pregnant is understandable, however feeling jealous purely because you want to be the first is not reasonable. 

‘I feel now that if I was to get pregnant and have a baby a few months after her, it won’t be as an exciting time for my family, as it would have all been done already with my sister (if you know what I mean).’  This is a really selfish way to view the situation.  

Post # 13
Member
3050 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

louiseey :  Wow. That’s really ridiculous that you would even put your sister in the uncomfortable position to address that. I would sincerely hope you rectified that or will rectify that.

LittleKBee :  Honestly, as others have stated, it’s an irrational feeling and good that you didn’t express to your sister. It’s understandable with the pressure society or commmunities place on the order of children and the oldest being expected to achieve things first. Basing the excitement or happiness surrounding a child on what order they were born compared to your sibling is pretty juvenile. I don’t mean it to be harsh but to be realistic because coming down to reality is the best thing you’re going to have to do. It also reeks of entitlement. Be happy for your sister. TTC when you’re ready as potential parents not because you want some sort of specific response from people or to be the first. Focus more on you and your life than others. Everyone’s timelines are different in how they move; be proud of yours and look to the positives in that. Also understand your sister’s was different and equally as right for her (doesn’t matter if you’ve been together longer with your SO or that she is clucky…).

Post # 14
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Yeah…wanting to cancel your plans of TTC because you won’t have all the spotlight for having a baby suggests that maybe you should, in fact, wait awhile before having a baby. That is so not what it’s all about. 

I’m currently 27 weeks pregnant. One of my sisters is 37 weeks and my other sister is 17 weeks. Believe me there is MORE than enough excitement to go around in my family. Plus I’m so excited to raise my baby with his or her cousins so close in age. 

Post # 15
Member
9172 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

my husband and his first cousin are 4 months apart and super close.  he has dinner at her house every week.  i joined occassionaly when we met.  and now that we have a son, we go a little more often, her 3 daughters adore our son.

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