(Closed) Am I wrong to not include FI's sister as a BM? (please read!)

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

@madteaparty:  

Do you think your brothers would really be upset?  Why not just ask them first?  It seems logical to include her since you have so few bridesmaids.  If your brothers are the only reason you don’t want her then I’d say they should just get over it (assuming they even care).  

Post # 4
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Jesus, how old is this woman?

I guess it depends on how much drama not having her in the wedding party is going to cause vs how much trouble it will be to include her. Are your brothers the type to care whether or not they are included? 

Post # 7
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@madteaparty:  I don’t think you should get caught up in what’s “fair” or not. If your brothers don’t care about being in the wedding, then it’s not unfair to them to not be included regardless of what happens with your FI’s siblings.

Your Future Sister-In-Law sounds like a real peach. Still, I stand by my original post. She might be a PITA, but only you can decide whether the trouble she’ll cause as a Bridesmaid or Best Man is more or less than the drama that will follow with your in-laws if you don’t include her.

Post # 9
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@madteaparty:  I understand your problem. But I think your Fiance sister is probably upset more because it makes it seem like you don’t like her. Just let her know the situation, and make sure she knows its not her it is just the situation. Girls always find it more important to be in the wedding party than men do. I personally do not see any problem with her being in the wedding party, but obviously there is probably much more to the story. So if you still feel very strongly about her not being in the wedding party at the end of it all. Try to involve her in some way. Like the dress shopping, or mani pedis, or even have her your guest book girl. Just make her feel like part of your new family, instead of just a guest. 

Post # 11
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@katy13:  I think it’s a nice compromise to include her in some way without her being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. (Doesn’t sound like she’d be satisfied with that, but maybe I’m being too harsh, lol.)

Post # 12
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@madteaparty:  I have been though something very VERY similar.

 

We were only supposed to have 2 bms and 2gms. It was important to me that our sides were even AND were only people we really cared about. I asked 2 of my 4 sisters and none of FI’s sisters.

Fiance goes behind my back and asks 4 people, saying he figured it was no big deal. I get pissed, but I cave and ask the 2 ladies I’m closest to in his family- as they were all pretty sad no one was asked to be in the wedding party. FI’s oldest sister and FI’s youngest cousin.

My 2 older sisters AND FI’s younger sister got pissed. Beyond pissed. Super pissed. We ended up asking FI’s youngest sister to be in the wedding AND asked another groomsmen becasue I don’t want uneven sides.

 

The whole thing makes me want to stangle FI!

 

In the end, no one is happy and everyone is a bit hurt. FI’s hurt that his family kept making things such a big deal even  though he bent over backwards to give what what they wanted and they STILL are not happy, I’m mad becasu all I wanted was a simple 2 person bridal party, and my older sisters are pissed becasue they feel excluded.

 

Learn from our mistakes. Do what makes YOU happy.

 

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