- 7 months ago
- Wedding: August 2019 - City, State
I posted a thread earlier in which I alluded to this.
Will try and explain succinctly rather than rambling on!
In 2014 (after 4 ish years together) I proposed to my boyfriend. By that time we had a 3 year old daughter and it felt like it should have happened by now. That year I decided to wait till a few trips, holidays etc had happened in case he had anything planned, and if he hadn’t proposed, I would do it in November, as who says it has to be the man anyway?
I went ahead and proposed; he said yes. It wasn’t the over the moon reaction you might hope for but I feel like this was more down to surprise at me doing it/not being sure if it was me ‘officially asking’ etc. Anyway he now says he loves that I did it and how it’s part of our story etc and I believe him.
I said that it would mean the world for me to have a ring to wear symbolising that we were engaged; that traditional element was important to me and I love symbolic jewellery. It was also important to me that he chose it. (I know it’s more the done thing for people to go together nowadays but since I didn’t get the surprise proposal I guess I wanted a little bit of mystery!) I’m not talking a diamond or anything like that; genuinely just a ring he thought was nice at any price, and I also offered to pay.
Months went by without a ring and eventually I went shopping With my daughter (tried to persuade him to come but he was always busy/said we Would sort it out after other stuff on the list.) I chose a lovely antique moonstone ring (£80 although like I say the price is irrelevant to me) and he bank transferred me the cost later. I’m not going to lie; it was a bit embarrassing. I pretended to the jeweller that I was just browsing for engagement rings and would come back later with my fiancé but wanted the moonstone ring as a RHR. I felt too embarrassed to say I was just picking my own, on my own. Maybe that’s silly, I don’t know.
I love the ring I picked but the complete lack of romanticism, the fact he didn’t come with me and the memory of being a bit embarrassed in the shop has meant it’s never really felt like an engagement ring. Eventually I just stopped wearing it.
Fast forward to last year, another child later and our wedding plans were finally in full swing (yay.) I made it clear to him that I would really, really like a ring that he chose on his own. I’ve tried to be modern and do the proposing thing, I’ve not taken it personallly when our wedding planning took forever to get going even though people told me I should be reading into that. But the ring is really really important to me. Like a £20 ring he chose himself would mean the world. I should say at this point he is a very loving partner, we generally communicate pretty well and he gets very upset if I ever even gently vocalise the fear that he doesn’t want to Be with me or isn’t happy with me. He doesn’t understand how I can think that even though a woman’s perspective the initial lack of proposal and then the lack of enthusiasm about a ring and wedding planning make that a concern.
Anyway, he still hasn’t got a ring. Before Christmas he apologised for not having bought one for Christmas and made it sound like it would be soon. I should add I’m not banging on about this all the time, I’ve maybe brought it up twice in 2019 and one of those times was sending some screenshots of ideas because he had said that would be helpful.
Am I completely in the wrong to be a little upset that he just doesn’t make this a priority? Given that I proposed anyway (I didn’t buy him a ring as he doesn’t like jewellery but I did offer to.) And that he has technically paid for a ring (the one I went out and got.) I just feel really hurt that this is the one thing I’ve asked to be done in the traditional way and it feels like he just doesn’t prioritise me enough to make it a reality. He’s a great partner in every way and I love him more than anything but this is really getting me down. I feel like I’m not as worthy as my friends or relatives because my partner can’t find the time/effort to do this for me. Realistically it could be done in a couple of hours, I’m not expecting some custom made million pound thing! Please tell me if I’m being greedy/unreasonable and should just drop the idea completely.