Am I wrong to want a ring?

posted 7 months ago in Engagement
Post # 16
3409 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

This is so very obviously not about the ring… it’s about what the ring and his lack of effort on it says to you.

This is what I find most concerning in your post: “he gets very upset if I ever even gently vocalise the fear that he doesn’t want to Be with me”

He does NOT get to make himself into the victim of your entirely legitimate feelings. HE caused those feelings through his lack of action and broken promises and it is HIS responsibility to take ownership of that and right that wrong. He doesn’t get to make YOU feel guilty about how HE made you feel. Absofuckinglutely not.

I’m not going to jump in and assume he is a shitbag who doesn’t care, but if he does care he is doing a really crappy job of showing it.

You have expressed repeatedly that having a ring from him is important to you. Your expectations for the ring itself are very modest and you have been abundantly clear that it is the thought and effort that the ring symbolizes that you care about, not the ring itself. It’s really not that complicated to understand. If he doesn’t “get it” it’s because he is being wilfully obtuse. 

I don’t particularly value material things myself, but if I were in your shoes I would feel incredibly hurt because part of being a good partner is recognizing when something it important to your partner and making it important to you. He isn’t doing that and that is super inconsiderate. To then turn your emotional response around on you and act like it is in any way unfair for you to question his dedication and commitment is downright MEAN. When your partner says to you “your actions make me feel like you don’t value me”, your response should be to reassure them and then correct your actions so that you stop making them feel like that, not lay a guilt trip on them for “even thinking” such a thing… 

Post # 17
810 posts
Busy bee

anapwed :  Any chance the push for the larger, formal wedding was a delay tactic? If you had married shortly after your proposal, you would soon be celebrating your five year anniversary. I do agree with previous posters – this isn’t about the ring – it’s about how much he values you and your wishes, and his lack of initiative after nearly a decade.

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