Post # 1
Alright in short, we have a big family, limited budget, a venue that holds 200 people.
My fiance and I have decided not to have children at our reception, with the exception of his two nephews (our ring bearers). Our age cut off age 16 for all guests. Both my fiance and I have first cousins that we will not be inviting that do not meet this age cut off. His family is okay with this decision, however my one and only aunt who’s two children do not meet the requirement is FLIPPING out about it (mind you we are getting married Oct. 2010). She has now said that she is not coming and telling us that we should just let her kids come.
I absolutely don’t want a lot of children at the wedding for several reasons, A because this was a decision my fiance and I AGREED upon together, B because we wanted to have an adult only reception to make it pleasurable for the majority of our guests and C because if we invite my first cousins there will be another 15 children we will need to invite for which we do not have room for.
If it were me in her positon I would take it as a fun night out with my husband, friends and extended family. Should I feel bad for not inviting her children?
Post # 3
We aren’t having children at our wedding either, and we expected it to be a problem. However, the late hour we chose for our ceremony (7pm) seemed to take care of that problem, as everyone with kids decided to get a sitter so they wouldn’t have to leave early to put them to bed. And no, I don’t think you’re wrong for deciding who can come to your wedding.
Post # 4
I don’t think your wrong. It’s YOUR wedding and your aunt needs to understand if you let her children come you would have to let all kids come and you can’t afford it. I think she is being unreasonable. If you can sit her down and talk to her about it and let her know your reasoning and if she still flips out I would just say Im sorry you feel that way but we cannot change it.
Post # 5
absolutely not!!!! Its not her wedding, she isnt paying, end of discussion. There will potentially be 26 kids at our wedding, and im not thrilled about that (i dreamed of having an adult only affair like yours) , but since 99.9% of our guests are coming from out of town (FI’s side of family will have to fly, my side of family has 4 hour drive) I thought it would be rude to *insist* that people leave their kids home, after paying for a hotel and flight just to see us get married (although when you think about it, it would behoove them to, as it would save them money!)
You totally shouldnt feel bad! Have you told her exactly what you said, how if you invite her kids, you would have to invite 15 others which would put you over the seating limit? I think at that point, she might back off, seeing that it now becomes a seating issue, and not a kids issue.
Post # 6
If you make an exception for your aunt, you risk offending everyone else with kids who can’t come. Stick to your guns, and politely and firmly explain to her that due to venue constraints and a limited budget, that her kids will not be able to attend. Good luck!
Post # 7
You are not wrong. She has every right not to agree with not bringing her kids – and if she feels that strongly, then she shouldn’t come. You have every right to have an adult reception. Stay firm, help her find a babysitter, and don’t let her get you down!
Post # 8
No, you should not feel bad at all for not inviting children. We aren’t inviting children either (but are struggling with the age cut off since multiple families have children above and below every cut off we’ve considered).
All the friends we’ve talked to that have children would rather leave their kids at home. We’re having a full mass catholic wedding followed by a reception at a very nice venue. We think its asking a lot for children to behave through a full mass wedding. That combined with the type of reception we are planning (more elegant and not child friendly), made it easier for people to understand our decision. We are giving everyone plenty of notice and we are arranging child care for relatives and close friends traveling from out of town that can’t leave their children at home.
Have you explained to your Aunt the limitations you have on the guest list (so she knows her kids aren’t being singled out)?
Post # 9
I don’t think you’re wrong here. I think she’s being a bit difficult. We don’t want children at ours either. Not because we don’t love the children in our families but like you said 1. We want the guests to enjoy themselves and the parents won’t be able to relax if they’re running after kids, not to mention the guests that have no patience for children. 2. It’s literally right along a river and everyone will be worried 3. We can’t afford to add more people even if they’re children, the cost adds up. I’m annoyed because my super overbearing, condecending Aunt refuses not to have her 8 year old there. I was like fine whatever but it sucks because he’s high energy! And if he’s not he’s so highly medicated I feel bad for him, ugh. Stand your ground, don’t be like me! Lol. Your Aunt should realize how selfish and unreasonable she sounds, I’m sure she doesn’t mean to be a bother (mine does though, this I promise you hahaha).
Post # 10
If she won’t come, then so be it. Really if you make the exception for her, everyone’s going to want it as well. Don’t budge, it’s your wedding and if she cannot accept that, she can be happy for you at her home with her children.
Post # 12
Don’t feel bad at ALL! No one is obliged to entertain children… and certainly at your wedding it’s completely up to you. Since you needed to come to a decision about who to include for financial reasons, too, your aunt is in the wrong.
Post # 13
No, I don’t think you should feel bad. This is your decision and you should stick to it.
Post # 14
This discussion occurs a lot on here, and most recently I heard it put best: Weddings are an adult event. Period. If you want to invite children, that’s fine. But it should be the exception, not the rule.
We’re not having children at our wedding. I’m not taking ifs/and/buts from anyone. It’s a formal, evening, adult affair and there’s absolutely no reason for kids to be there.
For previous poster, we picked our “age limit” based on our youngest bridesmaid, who will be 16. There’s only going to one “kid” who falls in that general range and it’s FBIL’s fiance’s son. He probably will not come because he will not know anyone.
Post # 15
I don’t think you should feel bad at all! I think it is in extremely poor taste for your aunt to be acting this way, as it seems she is hoping you will feel so bad that you will make an exception for her. Stick to your guns! You made this decision with you fiance and it sounds perfectly logical.
Post # 16
I have tried to calmly explain it to her and she seems to just think its a direct blow at her children, which its not. My fiance and I are not at the part of our lives that we incorporate children into everything we do, therefore we think its pretty offensive for her to think we are obligated to invite her children. The only way her children will even know what it means to not be invited to a wedding is if she makes a big deal out of it. Kids do not know what it means to be invited to a wedding!!! Just my opinion, Thanks again Ladies!