- 2 months ago
Here is what I see alot from friends, aquaintances and on the bee here.
There is a big enough demographic of men who are perfectly willing to string a woman along for their own wants and needs that women should act accordingly until you know the guy you are dating is NOT one of those kind of guys. This kind of a guy is a HUGE red flag because I agree, it shows a MAJOR character flaw to willingling and knowingly waste someone’s time. That is cruel, selish, hurtful, and if you waste enough of someones time you are literally removing their chance at children/marriage. What kind of person strips another person of their chance to have those things?!!
That being said I think its important while dating to keep an eye out for the “time waster” guy. Here are the added up traits of this type of guy.
– He is always thinking ME, not WE in a relationship
– He jumps from relationship to relationship
– Talks of marriage and engagement is always a ” pressured, pushed, rushed, someday” conversation
– He would never “think” of marriage on his own. He never brings the topic up its always the woman.
– Talking about committment makes him angry
– Knowing the woman he is with wants marriage he still pushes her to do everything but first. Live together, House, Kids, Never actually marriage.
– He is basically forcing your entire relationship to be an audition for him, an audition to be his wife if you hang in there for “someday”, if you are “good enough”
It isn’t that women don’t get as much out of living together as a guy does. But the distinct difference is that a woman who is marriage minded does NOT move in with a guy for the hell of it. She doesn’t move in and then decide its good enough to live together she doesn’t need marriage. Women move in with men as a sign of their intent to commit. Obviously a lot of men don’t operate that way which is why so many women find themselves in a situation where the guy is getting everything he wants, but the woman’s need for marriage isn’t happening.
OP I personally didn’t want to find myself in a situation where i was having my time wasted. So I talked marriage with my current Boyfriend or Best Friend BEFORE I moved in with him. We agreed on a timeline. I made sure that our desire to live together was because we saw a marriage future, not because it was fun or convenient. And even when I brought up marriage the first time we talked about it, even though my boyfriend at that time wasn’t sure yet, he willingly and happily talked it through with me with kindness and maturity. He at no point tried to avoid the conversation, got upset at me, or told me it wasn’t on his mind. So after two years HELL YES your Boyfriend or Best Friend should know if he wants to marry you, he should be fine with talking about it because he cares about you and wants you to be happy. Hell he should have brought it up on his own because he WANTS to marry you too!!
And im sorry but him wanting to buy a new 60k + truck?!! That is fucking INSANELY immature and rude. He is literally giving your future together the middle finger and yelling the word MEEEEEE in your face. Him telling you that he willingly and knowingly lead his ex girlfriend on would have been a GIGANTIC deal breaker for me. How on earth would you want to be with someone who would do that to someone else? Purposely hurt them to suit his own needs, deprive someone of their freedom. I think you know you shouldn’t have continued the relationship with him at that point. I mean, he doesn’t even sound sorry he did that to her!!!!! WTF?!!!
You sit this guy down and you say, ” I am not willing to spend an unlimited amount of time in this relationship without it moving towards marriage. Me moving with you and moving in with you is too big of a committment for me to make to someone who i am not engaged to. I would like to be engaged by the time we move. Since you are considering purchasing a 60k + truck, it shouldn’t be a problem to buy an engagement ring for $1,000 or less. If you value me and this relationship you will take care of whatever you need to do to make this happen.”
He says no? You walk. He says, you are pressuring me, pushing me rushing me? you say, “No, i am not pressuring you in any way. I really don’t appreciate you telling me I am pressuing you because that is you telling me to shut up. I am allowed to know what I want for my life and have clear goals. I know what I want and I have every right to ask for it. If you are not interested in marriage than you need to let me know so I can move on.”