(Closed) Is this the wrong way to handle a fight with So ? How would you handle this ?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would say, instead of ignoring him when he calls or texts you need to tell him straight up that his behavior has got to stop, or you can just tell him that you need some time to cool off before talking things out. You need to talk things through for sure tho. I always tell my Fiance, don’t tell me you’re going to do something if you don’t plan on doing it. I can get over it easier, if I’m not expecting you to do whatever you said you would do in the first place, rather than being disappointed and angry at you for not keeping your word.

Post # 4
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with PP, take some time to cool down, then talk. Never ignore. If he calls and you don’t want to talk, answer and say “I’m not ready to talk, lets talk this through tomorrow” or whenever. Talking things out is the only way to improve things

Post # 5
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I also agree that ignoring him is the wrong way to go. It’s totally fine if you don’t want to talk to him or see him for a while, but you should tell him that.

Post # 6
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Without communication a relationship won’t succeed.  You and your SO need to be able to talk these things out.  Shutting down and then ignoring him is hindering the situation and making you even more angry then you were.  

I agree with pp’s.  If you need time to cool down, then tell him, don’t just ignore him.  

Post # 8
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

In his mind you are playing the catty little “I’m not going to talk to him” games.  If that is your only kind of punishment, I can see how he can be annoyed.  From his perspective, he’s trying to smooth things over by saying good morning. If you are still mad at him, then tell him, and if he keeps on making the same mistakes and not listening, then, well… he doesn’t respect you and maybe you should end it :/

Post # 9
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I know this is slightly old, but your SO kind of has one thing in common with mine. When we fight, I personally like to just cool down and not talk for a little bit (like you seem to), but I have recognized my fault is that I can take a fight too far. As in I hold on to the problem for too long, and don’t focus on getting over it. My SO gets over the problem quickly, and will act like nothing happened and start talking again! This used to irritate me sometimes, but now I have really come to appreciate it.

 You have to know which fights are important, and which ones aren’t going to matter a week from now. Or a month from now. I love that he is willing to forgive so quickly, and has the desire to carry on like nothing happened. Because 99 % of the time, the fights really aren’t important, and I am so much happier when focusing on the “good”. So even though I’m stubborn and can stay mad/ignore him for too long, I’m glad that we have different argument strategies- it helps that at least one of us is able to initiate the normal behavior again and just forget that the whole thing happened.

 So while you may get frustrated with him and think that he does something you don’t appreciate too often, if you REALLY want to make it work, I think it is important to look at the way he chooses to deal with fights in a GOOD light…it will help you in the long run 🙂

 

Sorry this was so long!!

Post # 10
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

As for the promise breaking, I suggest you really sit him down and explain to him how this is not a good relationship builder. You have to be able to trust eachother completely, and not being able to know when he is actually going to do something he says he is going to do makes it hard to trust what he says 100% of the time.

If that doesnt work, I suggest couples counseling?

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