(Closed) Ambivalent About Bridal Party & Bachelorette

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Hang in there, hugs

Post # 3
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee

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kwebb84:  Sadly, weddings tend to show us who our friends really are. Sometimes the people you would never think would let you down, do; and sometimes you grow closer to or are impressed by those friendships who aren’t as close. Here’s what I suggest: have your bachelorette, whether it’s just you and BM#3 or you & a bunch of your girls. Here’s the thing – every TV show and facebook picture would have you believe that a bachelorette is supposed to be a major event. It’s not. It’s about you spending your last single days with your girlfriends. Go, have fun, and don’t worry about everything else.

As for the friend who hasn’t bought her dress yet, I wouldn’t say a word to her. She knows she needs to buy it, and if she doesn’t, oh well she’s not a bridesmaid, she’s a guest. Instead of focusing on the 2 bad friends, focus on the friend who has stepped up. I know it’s hard (one of my bridesmaids and I aren’t friends anymore, and I just got married last year), but ultimately, this is a happy time and you don’t need that drama.

Post # 4
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

First of all, I’m sorry your friends are behaving this way and that it’s making you feel down about your wedding.  That sucks.

Second of all, they’re not necessarily in the wrong.  Weddings don’t require multiple parties and events.  Your friends are in the bridal party because you want them to stand up next to you when you say your vows.  They are not required to be party planners, or to dedicate multiple weekends to various parties and pre-wedding events.  If I were you I would just politely pass on the bachelorette party and focus on the things that do make you happy, like having your friends in your life and marrying your fiance. 

Post # 5
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I feel your pain. I essentially had to push all my bridal party to make plans for the bachelorette. I actually ended up researching and emailing beach houses to rent over my bridal party. Only until I addressed my concerns to a few bridesmaids that no one seemed jazzed about it did they step up. I don’t even have them buying a specific dress- just a nice black one. I’ve done the rest of the planning, crafting, DIY- and havent asked for anything else. Like PP said- I think you really see true colors come out in wedding planning and you just have to focus on having fun for YOU and not worrying about others that aren’t showing interest. One of mine especially is super bitter because she’s older than me and still single, so her enthusiasm for MY special day has been lacking, to say the least.

Post # 6
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I know exactly what you mean, my bridesmaids are scattered across the county so I don’t expect them to be to involved but who knew how impossible it was too get a girl to buy a dress!!? I actually lost one of my bridesmaids who has been my friends for 6+ years because we had disagreement about wedding procedures.  Originally I wanted a big blow out bachelorette party but then decided to scale it way down and just do done bar hopping in a area I used to live to hang out in. I really don’t care for a bridal shower but my Maid/Matron of Honor has been really insistent that I have to have one and keeps trying to involve me with the planning and has asked me to help pay for it even though I’ve repeatedly told her it’s not for me. Weddings are stressful on friendships.

Post # 9
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee

 

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kwebb84:  It’s unfortunate that it takes the happiest time of your life to find out who you can really call a friend. Hopefully you can reconnect with your friends and those relationships will survive your move, but if not, try to put it in perspective. I’d rather have 2 GREAT friends who are my ride-or-die’s, who have my back and I can trust than 10 quasi-friends I can’t count on or disappoint me. I have found as I’ve gotten older that my tolerance for drama is pretty low and my friend circle has decreased as a result. That being said, the girls I have around me now are the best and I wouldn’t trade ’em.

Hope it all works out for you! 🙂

Post # 10
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

You said that most of your friends are guys – I say invite them to the bachelorette party, even if it’s a little non-traditional! If you can’t count on your bridal party, just invite the people you are closest to who will support you. I’m like you in that I have a small group of close friends, and some of my closest friends are guys. For my bachelorette, we went out to dinner and then bar hopped, so I just invited them along. Celebrating a last single night out with my closest friends was exactly what I wanted for my bachelorette, so I’m really glad they came, and for their part, it seems like they had a great time too.

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