(Closed) American Bees – How do you do it?

posted 4 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

I am in America and I think its total BS. Not pregnant yet but Darling Husband and I plan on me being a SAHM 

Post # 3
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I took 16 weeks off when I had my son (4 weeks longer than the 12 weeks FMLA allows if you work for a larger company). Honestly, I couldn’t WAIT to go back to work. I love my son, but sitting at home with a tiny baby all day, especially in the middle of a very cold, snowy winter made me feel awful and isolated. 

I found a great daycare with amazingly nurturing caregivers who would keep him stimulated and active and cared for all day. When he was home with me, he would sit on the couch while I watched TV and make the occasional trip to Target, not exactly the most stimulating environment.

I got to go back to my work which I loved and missed and got to feel productive and professional again. I got to pee in peace, sit down to eat a full lunch, run errands by myself. 

My supply took a hit when I went back but I pumped 3x/day and gave my daycare breastmilk bottles with formula to supplement when they ran out. I stopped Boyfriend or Best Friend at 6 months and that was a welcome break as well because it was one less thing I had to juggle.

I know this isn’t the typical response you’re looking for, but for me, working and having my son in daycare is the best thing for both of us.

Post # 4
Member
4130 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Most day cares in my area (suburbs of DC) take infants starting at 6 weeks. So it’s possible to find care. As for breastfeeding, I pumped 3 times a day and daycare gave Dear Daughter a bottle. I bf when I was with her in the evenings and on weekends. 

THe logistics are doable. The hard part is accepting how little time you have before going back. I was lucky – I’m a teacher and an older mom. I had Dear Daughter at 39. I’d been working for my school system for 13 years and had loads of sick time saved up. I used 9 weeks of my leave so all of my time off was paid in full. Dear Daughter was 15 weeks I think when I went back to work. 

But it’s hard. Leaving your baby is hard.  Went back to work when she was 15 weeks and I cried when I dropped her off, even though I LOVE her daycare. One of my mom group friends went back to work when her daughter was 16 months. She cried when she dropped her off. It always sucks to leave your kid to go to work. 

a lot of the logistics you can figure out before you go back. Start saving now so you can take a little extra time off. Start researching daycare – we put in the deposit for ours when I was something like 24 weeks pregnant (I didn’t have to do it that early but it was something I could check off the list). You pump or you formula feed. It all gets figured out I promise 🙂

Post # 5
Member
4130 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

ExcitedScaredBee:  I’m the same. Being a Stay-At-Home Mom isn’t for me. Dear Daughter loves daycare and I’m a better mom because I work. Everyone is happy 🙂

Post # 6
Member
3051 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

My mother was only able to get a month off between sick time and vacation time. She pumped a lot but still was only able to manage a few months for her first two and one month for me (her last). She got a lot of flack from work when she would use her breaks to pump in the bathroom privately of course. My father was out of work a lot but besides him…my mother paid for a babysitter which took a lot of her finances. She really worked hard to provide a roof over our heads and at the sacrifice for not being present a lot.

Fiance knows I want strongly to be a Stay-At-Home Mom so that’s what we are saving and planning our futures for. 

Post # 7
Member
9811 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yeah, it really sucks!  I only took 9weeks off with my LO because I had recently transferred jobs and it was all the paid leave I had saved up.  Next one I will take off 12w. It’s really not enough time, especially because many women do not respond as well to the pump as they do to their baby.  I think 12w is too early to have to leave them!  I love having mine in daycare now that she is older but at 12w they are so little.  It just sucks.

I was able to EBF.  My employer is great and I took 3 breaks a day to pump (at 30m a pop).  I pumped overnight (2 feedings) from 5-14 weeks and saved all of that in my freezer.  That way when I had supply dips I didn’t have to freak out.  And I did have supply dips.  After she was 6mo old I pretty much pumped exactly what she needed or I was a little short.  So I’d either pump at 10pm or go to my freezer.  Also used the freezer for a night or day out.  I just prepared the bottles for her the night before and our sitter would give them to her.  I got a free pump but it sucked and was terrible so I bought a different one out of pocket.  Pumping can be really difficult- I could not respond at all to it at first.  Hence the pumping overnight while also feeding baby- pump one side, feed on the other because the only way I could letdown was if baby was feeding. It took a new pump and about a month to really figure out how to pump away from my baby.  Pumping is not always easy.

But I still breastfeed my daughter (she is 21 mo) and I quit pumping at 12mo so it was all worth it.  Really happy I made it without supplementing (just my personal goal).

I feel really bad for people that have to go back to work after 6 weeks or even 4 weeks (from home)!!  I don’t think that is sufficient at all when you’re talking about milk supply and breastfeeding.

I could never be a full time Stay-At-Home Mom.  My ideal would be to stay home with them 2 days and send to daycare 3 days for socialization

Post # 8
Member
1624 posts
Bumble bee

Uh, you just make it work because there isn’t always another option. I’m almost due with my first and plan on pumping as much as possible and won’t beat myself up if we need to supplement with formula for whatever reason. I’ll probably introduce a bottle once baby and I have figured out latching and are comfortable breastfeeding. I’m going back part time after 12 weeks and my nanny will give her a bottle when I’m at work.

I always feel for the Syrian refugee women. Camps are crowded and filthy with no privacy or access to diapers and laundry much less filling and nutritious food- it’s awful. I was watching a report on mothers with infants and small children fleeing for their lives, and realize just how good I have it in the USA

Post # 9
Member
4426 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

CanadianBride456:  It’s very different here in terms of daycare because our Mat Leave sucks so much. Most will take babies as young as 6 weeks. My son is almost 5 weeks old and I only have one week left of leave. Darling Husband and I chose to move after finding out I was pregnant to give ourselves more opportunities and legally I can only take 6 weeks from DOB or I would be fired. The state of Mat Leave in the U.S. is ridiculous. Thankfully moving allowed Darling Husband to return to school online full time so he could be a Stay-At-Home Dad. If I had to leave my baby with strangers at 6 weeks, I would be a mess. People have to do it all the time, though. I’m not sure I would want to take a full year off, but getting at least 3 months paid regardless of employment would be really beneficial. 

In terms of BFing, I only did for the first week and switched. I wish I had given it more time, but on top of normal new mom struggles with it and knowing my time was limited, we switched. With our next baby (several years from now), we have a deal that I will get to take a year or two off since Darling Husband gets to experience staying home with our son. I hope to really give BFing a fair shot. 

Post # 10
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I have been an infant nanny for 5+ years, and the mothers pump during the day at work, but struggle to maintain their supply. The mothers are usually extremely Type A.

Post # 11
Member
2582 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - County courthouse

I became a sahm for this very reason. I have never regretted being at home with my children. I am in charge of the house and taking care of my 6 yr old and 4 yr old. I cook, clean, buy food, do laundry multiple times a week, pick up my kids from school, help with hw, take my kids to karate twice a week and put them to bed.  Sahm sacrifice alot to raise their kids. It’s the best thing for my family.

Post # 14
Member
2092 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

CanadianBride456:  I’m expecting now and I’m dreading maternity leave… My job offers short term disability (part of my regular pay), but thats only 6-8 weeks depending on if the delivery is vaginal or c-section. I CAN take up to 12 weeks off with FMLA, but some of that will be unpaid if I choose to take that long off. I’ve only got enough vacation, sick time, floating holidays, and personal time saved up to pay for about two paychecks. It sucks because after I return to work, I better not need to take a sick day for a long time because I’ll have no way to pay for those days off. Heaven forbid if I was put on bedrest at all before the baby came, I’d honestly probably lose my job or have to go casual and lose all my benefits, insurance, and more just to keep a position there. Which basically means for me, if I were to be put on bedrest plus want maternity leave, I would not have any short term disability and no health insurance either. It honestly makes me so sad to think about it. Wish our maternity leave was more like other countries… I can’t imagine leaving my little baby so soon, but we have very supportive family and my mom will be baby sitting, and on my weekends I work Darling Husband will be caring for the LO.  

As for breast feeding, I’ll just have to hope I can sqeeze in some time here and there to pump. As a hospital nurse however, breaks (while demanded in our union contract) don’t always happen..

Post # 15
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

CanadianBride456:  I see where you are coming from. I’m in the UK but I was really shocked at how little mat leave US women get in general. A lot of nurseries won’t accept babies under 6 months here and a lot of them will only take babies at 12 months. I’m not a mum yet but most of my friends with kids were still in the exhausted and slightly dazed bubble at 12 weeks. I don’t know of anyone that went back to work before 6 months.

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