- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
It’s not really the most original story. Girl leaves the US for fun and adventure in London, ends up taking corporate job to pay for London, meets boy at work, they break up, girl moves back to US, rekindle love, long distance ensues, boy takes promotion to Switzerland, engagment happens (two weeks ago!) and now………..
We did the Short, Short version of that one. I’m not quite hip to the lingo on WeddingBee (one of your Bees and my best friend got married on Saturday!) but I do have a dilemma I would love a little advice with from others. I should mention that until a few weeks ago I was a fairly sane and mature individual with a full-time job and adequate sleep patterns!
My fiance and I cannot, CANNOT pick a country. We looked at the guest list (dead even split), where we live (we’ll live in Switzerland), where we want to get married (nowhere near either house), our families (lovely but feel bad about asking people to fly), what we want (it’s multi-jurisdictional), religion, we tried everything.
I thought we had settled on a cathedral in the UK but then came home from engagement trip (surprise as I thought it was for work) and had some time alone and thought about leaving the South (erm, did I mention the Southern fly in the ointment – VERY Southern) forever, my friends not making the wedding, or my small group of relatives (he has a large family). We bantered about some ‘small wedding, 2 receptions’, destinations, eloping, big ‘forget you guys’ affairs and we keep circling back to the beginning. No location and lots of valid arguments for either town.
It would be nice to enjoy this whole ‘engagement’ thing but so far it’s been a lot of crying, tears, guilt, self-doubt, backtracking and more tears (and am not a crier or one to fiddle about making decisions – it’s ONE DAY PEOPLE).
My biggest fears about getting married in UK are:
1. It’s 100% English and I have NOTHING of my homeland involved and my family paid for his family and friends to have a wonderful English party (not to imply their are freeloaders- they aren’t! But it’s a numbers game).
2. It’s not really a great day because I had to do so much long distance and without lots of sourcing so I turn up to some tacky affair that costs 1.5x as much as a US event that I could have had look much nicer for less
3. My family resents me and continually makes snide comments about costing them money for YEARS to come. Plus my mother, bless her heart, has been really excited (proabably never thought the day would arrive!) about planning
4. My fiance and I don’t survive this first round battle! (We honestly do not fight; disagree sure but never ‘line in sand’ pigheaded arguements)
When you can hear the stress screaming off this post it’s not a good sign. I honestly don’t know what I’m asking for – commiseration? help from UK lovelies? any southern belles in the same situation? shot of valium or something?
If and when we pick a spot I will keep posting as it’s certainly an interesting situation with no rules or guidebooks (and yes, I have both grandmothers’ Amy Vanderbilt, Emily Post and Martha Stewart etiquette books AND I USE THEM). I’m really scared of offending my lovely future in-laws but I have 2 southern mamas and their posse of Southern ‘mamas and aunts’ (respond if you need a definition) and they are pretty resourceful and forceful at times!
Hmmm, wonder if wedding budget will cover therapy for all involved…
Any good UK tips, particularly around Hampshire/Winchester? London is NOT an option (40% premium). UK traditions, ways to blend 2 seemingly similar but VERY different tastes, a good band (another dark fear), etc. etc.
OH – sorry (welcome to my conversational style of past several weeks; rant followed by a ramble), last thing. What is a good fruit cake supposed to taste like? Why is a ‘groom’s cake’ so dang off limits to British men if you’re eating sawdust log with tea? Do people really carry horseshoes and sizpences these days? What’s up with not using your dad as your best man (moving on from that), and finally, sorry for stealing him from the English ladies as he’s really quite swell 🙂