(Closed) Amount of gift when you are in the wedding

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
11390 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I wouldn’t think you have to spend an X amount more becuase you are in the wedding. Just something nice doesn’t mean expensive! 

Post # 4
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Etiquette says you don’t have to give anything, that the money you have contributed, dress, shower, etc. is your gift.

I always give something, but you dont have to

Post # 5
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If they make me spend money on silly things like hair and shoes, then I’ll spend less on their gift.

If they are sensible and let me even choose my own dress, well, I guess I’d spend more on their gift! 

Post # 6
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’ll probably give a $30 shower gift (I’m hosting the shower and providing everything but the cupcakes ), and a $50 wedding gift, assuming my funds hold steady. 

Post # 7
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It depends on what I can afford after how much I shelled out- if it cost me a lot to be in the wedding, I will probably (have too!) give a cheaper gift.  

Post # 8
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My standard wedding shower gift is $50.  If I throw the party than I don’t give a gift.  My standard wedding gift is $100-150 per person i.e. me and my fiance.  I give this regardless if I stood up or not.

Post # 10
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

my answer would be the same as baletrina’s except i do give a gift even if i throw a shower, i may not spend as much as i normally would but i still give something.


i also think amounts for shower and wedding presents are regional

Post # 11
414 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

west coast scene may be a little more lavish in spending, but i assume NY would be similar.

standard cash gift per person out here is $100, so you and guest = $200 per couple

if the bride pays for your dress and hair, that means she is spending at least $200 on you, if not more. 

in that case, i would give $350-400 for me and my guest, total.  it is not your obligation to pay her back but helping out with her cost would be appropriate gesture.



Post # 13
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Me personally, I give more when I am in a wedding because that means I am closer to the bride. Even if I have to pay for my dress, shoes, hair, makeup, and accesories.

Post # 15
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@roxy821: DH and I are the same way.  We give larger gifts to the couple when we are in their wedding because if we are a part of the wedding party, they are obviously some of our closest friends.

The costs to be in the wedding party (shoes, dress, hair, showers, bacherlor/ette parties, etc) don’t get factored into the gift giving at all.  They are a totally separate expense that you took on by agreeing to stand up with them, IMO.

Post # 16
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

My gift amount is always reflective of how close I am to the couple – therfore if I am in their wedding, these are actually the largest gifts I give (because obviously I am close to the couple.)

I will say, that although as a Bridesmaid or Best Man you do not have to give a gift, and if you choose not to (which is completely fine considering the costs you put in) do be sure to give the bride and groom a nice card – a few of my Bridesmaid or Best Man didn’t give me a card/note and I was a little hurt by that.

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