Post # 1
Quick question. My husband is always angry. We have had issues in the recent past ( I can’t get into them now); he can be very insecure and has had control issues that seem to get worse. I am not on FB or any social media. I left because he became angry about some friends I was talking to. So I left. In the last city we lived in I did try to make a friend – like me, she was married with a young son and we had a lot in common. My husband didn’t like her for some reason. He forbade me to speak with the new girlfriend so we cut all communication with this young couple. Now, I don’t have many friends because any new friend I make are not good enough. He has to find fault with them.
When we walk in the mall, he gets angry, saying I am looking at other men. With a young son and a full time professional career, I don’t have the energy nor time to even think about other men.
He has never ever been physical, but he can get very loud when he blows up. I am not very confrontational and I never talk back, I just walk away when he gets like that. It’s usually either something I didn’t do right or talking to people I shouldn’t be talking to (including my own family). Every day when we return home from work, he inquires whether I spoke with anyone (usually my own family) during the day. When I respond, he starts complaining about how ‘bad’ that person is.
He is a poor listener. I have tried to sit with him and explain that he hurts me when he treats me like a child. He denies everything. He is always right. And no, he will not waste his hard earned money talking to a marriage counselor. The only good thing is, he is a very good and responsible father to our child. I am not sure whether I can continue living in this prison, and I am starting to resent him. He can be very charming to people, but at home, it is a private hell for me.
Post # 2
Is your husband my ex? Ugh.
He alienated me from my friends, got mad if he thought I was looking at other males (old, young, middle aged, teenagers, anyone who was a male.)
And then he started getting physical. I’m talking bruises that lasted for days, trying to throw me down the stairs, ripping almost every piece of clothing I owned while I was wearing it, breaking a mirror and throwing the shards…
He was SO paranoid that I would cheat on him…and he ended up being the cheater.
You need to get out. Make a safe escape for you and your son…it will be terrifying at first, but I promise you, your life will be SO much better….You can breathe again. It’s worth it.
Post # 3
Run. You deserve so much more than this! He is super controlling and manipulative. And since he is not open to counseling it doesn’t sound like he will change anytime soon. Do you want your son to have this man as a role model? Hugs and best of luck to you. I hope you can find thr strength to leave.
Post # 4
You are sleeping with the enemy. I am so sorry. Do you have family to turn to?
Post # 5
shakazulu: You need to get out of this relationship. You are decribing and extremely manipulative and controlling man. This is emotional abuse plain and simple. Get out before it becomes phyical as well.
Post # 6
Ok, missed the part about your family. Tell them immediately and let them help you!
Post # 7
He is isolating you, and that is extremely common among abusers. Your husband may not be physically striking you, but his irrational anger is extremely worrying, and I would be very suprised if he doesn’t escalate.
Post # 8
This is already abuse, IMO. Please seek out your family and take some time apart while you explore your options.
Post # 9
shakazulu: Just so you know, he’s not being a good father if he’s treating the mother of his child like this. He’s setting a terrible example as well. I would leave. That’s pretty scary.
Post # 10
I had a very abusive ex and this is a major sign of abuse. Limiting your contact with others is a form of control over you. Abusers do this so you are more dependent on them and feel like you cannot leave. MY ex used to limit my friends ,contact with my family ,I could not go anywhere unless it was with him and with his friends, and when I did manage to go out by myself I would be interigated when I got back.
I am not sure how long you have been together but eventually ( after 3 years) my situation did become violent. This behavior is NOT OK and is definitly not normal
I left my ex after 6 years of thinking that someone controling my every move andf hitting me was ok. Leaving was difficult as I had no control over money, no vehicle, and little to no friends ( he did these things so I could not leave). It was shear hell but I am so thankful I did and you will be too.
Post # 11
Contact the Domestic Abuse Hotline for information and referral to local resources.
If you have any concerns that he monitors your internet history phone the toll free number
His treatment of you will surely affect your child whether he ever lays a hand on this child or not. Your child is growing up in this environment and learning that this is an acceptable way to treat women.
Post # 12
Are you sure he’s not monitoring your internet activity, as well?
Post # 13
This is very classic abusive behaviour – isolating you from your support network, blaming you for breaking the rules, can be charming to others but treats you differently. Leave, now.
Post # 14
GreenBayBee: No, I am writing at work.
sway0060: We have been married for over 8 years now. I wrote a post about another problem a while back, but the control/manipulation issues have always been present. I got married very young, and my eyes continue to open every day. In the past, he would support this behavior by saying ‘it’s because he loves me’.
Post # 15
I almost married a man like this. What you are saying sounds disturbingly familiar to me and my heart goes out to you.
I want to tell you to run – far away and as fast as you can, but I realize it might not be that simple, especially with a child involved. What I would suggest you do in this case is to seek help on your own before beginning to try to change your relationship. Eventually, leaving might be the only thing you can do, but you need help through this as well.
Someone who treats you like this is not doing it out of love. Shockingly little of what is going on here is about you at all – you’re not doing anything wrong or making him angry – he would be this way with anyone he was married to. Be kind to yourself, and try to put yourself, instead of him, first for a little while. It’s so easy to fall into these patterns and feel like they’re chains, but they’re not, they’re just patterns, and you can change them.