(Closed) An etiquette question (about a +1), in bullet point form

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Invite her, she qualifies as a +1. good luck!

Post # 4
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I think she did the right thing by asking you first, though the “I hope so” part is a bit rude. You should invite her since they live together and it sounds like they did when you issued invitations. If he is traveling and so needs to maybe buy airfare, you need to decide soon. If he is nearby or will be driving, maybe you can tell him that you really want to extend the invitation to her but there is a fire code and you must wait until you get enough no’s to not get your venue shut down.

Post # 5
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You’re friend is right, you’re wrong. They are a very established couple and should have been invited together. This isn’t a plus one – this is inviting his partner. You need to call him, apologize for the oversight, and tell him that she is of course invited as well.  

Post # 6
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t think how he asked is rude at all, especially considering he’s in a relationship. Even if the weren’t living together, it still is rude not to invite her. You should have invied 210 people, not 234 in the first place. And that should have included signifigant others of your invited guests.

Post # 7
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with HeathenSwan, inviting more people than your venue can hold was a risky gamble. Better start thinking about how to solve that problem, if it comes up. You should have given him a plus 1 anyways, especially if said guest was a dear close friend and in his defence he did ask instead of just showing up at Your wedding or just assumed she was invited. IMO I can understand why people don’t want people they don’t necessarily know at their weddings, but going to a wedding without a “date” can sometimes just be awkward for the guest, especially if they have a significant other. 

Post # 9
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I definitely think you should invite the girlfriend. 

Start tracking down the RSVPs that haven’t come in and see if you are truely over capacity.  It is really awful you are having this stress right now. 

Figure out those numbers then call that venue and see what can be done about your 20+ overage. 

Do they have a smaller room you can use for the over flow?  I know it isn’t the best option but fire code is fire code if the venue is legit they will stop letting people in at a point so you need to figure out that back up. 

I know this is a stretch but is there another venue that can accomodate all of them? 

Post # 10
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

The rules of etiquette are not like the laws of gravity.  They are not written into the very fiber of the universe, waiting to avenge themselves upon anyone who tries to ignore them.  This is just a big party, afterall, and these are your friends… people who care about you and want you to have a great day and totally understand how hard it is to be in your position.  When I try to look at it from your friend’s position, I honestly see your point.  Who wouldn’t? If you just said to me, “Oh my gosh, I’m so stressed and my parents invited all these people and our venue has a strict fire code… I’m just so sorry!” I would not think a single bad thing about you.  It would have to be a very selfish person who would hold that against you, and you say this is a dear friend, so I highly doubt they are gonna get mad at you.  It’s not your fault and there’s nothing you can do at this point, short of sending out univites!!!  Just deal with the hand that you’ve been dealt as best you can at this point, and that unfortunately means not adding anyone else. Whatever, so you miscalculated, but live and learn.  Be totally honest and apologetic, and any true friend will understand.

Post # 11
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You should be able to invite your friends… if your parents invited coworkers that you may or may not even know, they should figure out how to handle it. That’s just my two cents 🙂

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