(Closed) An Ettiquette Question…Thank You Cards

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Catholic ceremony, reception at local armory

Did the people attend the wedding?  If so, you should thank them for coming.  Technically I think you’re supposed to do this even if they didn’t get you a card.

Post # 4
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I think it would be very polite if you sent them a card thanking them for making your wedding extra-special by attending.

I had a few guests show up, eat dinner, say goodbye and leave. No card- nothing.

I didn’t send any of them a thank-you card. They acted like they just wanted a meal, so I think if that was the situation, it’s ok. But, if they gave you a card, I think you could send them a card back 🙂

Post # 6
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Some of them may not have given their gift yet…

 I have always heard you are supposed to write a Thank You card even if they didn’t give a gift, but I know what you mean.  I suppose you could wait a little bit longer to see if they might be giving you a gift a bit later, and then send them out, at least those 20 cards would be separated from the others then?  Sorry I’m not of more help!

Post # 7
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I think you should send them a card even if it seemed like they were there for a meal only. It will make you look like the better person. Just say "Thank you so much for comming, We’re sorry we didn’t get to spend much time with you. We hope your meal was delish and hope to see you soon." (that might just be me being passive agressive though)

Post # 8
Member
618 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I think it’s always best to err on the side of being "overly gracious."  I’m practically sending thank you cards for EVERYTHING!  Why not, it’s the least I can do – and I ordered about a million of them, so I have to use them! 

I’ve been to too many weddings where I felt I underappreciated and a little taken advantage of (gift-wise), so I want everyone to know how grateful I am for everything I receive (whether it’s a gift, a card, or just their presence at a party).  No one was ever faulted for being too gracious.  Trust me, people remember whether or not they get a thank you card, even if you might not feel like they deserved to be thanked for anything.

Post # 9
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee

I honestly hadnt ever thought about sending thank you cards to people who come and dont bring a gift.  I didnt know that was the norm.  I was just going to send thank you cards to people who gave a gift or card.

Post # 10
Member
497 posts
Helper bee

huh…I guess it could go both ways…I saved my thank you cards for people that we didn’t get a gift or card from because I figured one was on the way…but for a few of them, we never received a gift.  So now I always wonder if they sent a gift and we just never got it.  Which would probably be answered had I sent a thank you for attending the wedding card, because then they may have figured out that their gift never made it to us.

Post # 11
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

That’s a good point, corn… I was wondering if I should send off thank-you cards to the few guests who didn’t give gifts;  I figured sometimes people just need more time to send something but I didn’t think about those who did send something and we never got it…

Now I am going to send thank-you’s to all guests who made it to the wedding… almost done, then!  I’ll just say "thank you for sharing our special day" or something like that.  They didn’t have to bring gifts, anyway, it was our ‘gift’ that they were there.

 

Post # 12
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

One more thing about sending a thank you to folks who didn’t bring a card or a gift: they may think that one’s been sent from your registry.  They’ll be able to figure out whether a gift was never delivered if they get a "Thanks so much for joining us." but no "and the toaster oven is awesome!"   If they send a gift later, I’d send a second thank you.

Post # 13
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’d say no, because a card is correspondance, not a gift.  But then again, I don’t think that you should send a thank you to someone for just coming… wining and dining them and giving them entertainment for the evening was the thank you!

Post # 14
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

For what it’s worth, when I talked to my Dad about the idea of sending thank you’s to people who don’t send gifts, he was really taken aback. He said that he’d interpret it as a passive aggressive way of asking for a present (‘Thanks for showing up, even if you didn’t give us anything’), so — just keep that in mind. Be sure to word the notes carefully.

Post # 15
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Amysue, that’s interesting.  I hadn’t thought of it that way, but I can certainly see his point.

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