- 3 years ago
Hi sweet bees, like many other bees I’ve been reading/lurking here a few weeks before joining, so I feel like I already know you a little bit, such a friendly supportive atmosphere this seems, but honest advice too (in a bee’s best interest even if tough to hear), just like a real friend or sister would do. I’m an older bee and have been with my foot-dragging but thoroughly lovable SO for a little over 3 years now (Waiting for about a year or so). We’re both divorced (several years ago and have dated a few others in between) and have college age kids (who get along great, we’re very lucky in this respect). We’re not rich but financially decent, both work full-time at jobs we like. I’m normally an independent, fun loving and sane person- but Waiting has been making me sad, impatient, teary eyed, resentful, did I mention impatient?, insecure, philosophical, angry, disappointed, hurt, I said impatient, right? Not all the time of course, but enough for it to have caused some Disney princess tears and a few arguments. One of the bees on here wrote a post about the Christmas holidays comparing the engagement ring commercials to ‘snow globe’ couples and that made me laugh and cheered me up a little knowing there are others out there who can relate to what I’m feeling.
It seems there’s not only all these ‘snow globe’ commercials out there, but engagement and wedding talk all over the place on TV. *Walking Dead Spoiler Alert* (lol yes you read that right) Now I expect a certain amount of proposals and weddings on television- and trust me I was happy for Kurt and Blane when they got engaged on Glee!- but it gets a little much to sit there awkwardly beside SO trying not to obviously pout. Even Dexter proposed for heaven’s sake! Chick flicks it’s pretty much a given that someone’s going to propose to someone- but I thought at least catching up on a previous season of Walking Dead I could have a little zombie-marathon in peace, a break from all the misty eyed knee bending and bouquet catching, but no- doesn’t Glenn go and propose to Maggie! I actually threw up my hands in disbelief and yelled at the TV “Seriously?! Even in the middle of a zombie apocalypse I can’t catch a break!” (as you bees can see, I am in dire need of a Shut-It-Up-Pact). Which of course led to a half-joking half-serious rant about my lack of a ring which SO found ‘cute’. But we’ve also had a few serious talks and I sadly and fairly recently told him “I envy women who don’t have to have these talks” And unfortunately this is true. I’m jealous of women who get proposals after a year or two without hinting (lol much) or having timeline talks or crying over it. This leads to “why hasn’t he proposed? is he uncertain? is something wrong or ‘missing’? is it something about me?” Truly we can drive ourselves to distraction with these questions.
Now SO assures me he is planning to marry me, he seems honestly puzzled how I can not be ‘certain’ of his desire for me. And I suspect that maybe this isn’t a sign he doesn’t love me enough to propose, but a sign of our different personalities. I’m outspoken and assertive and impatient and he’s sweet and practical and the epitome of patience. So what I’m considering Waiting, he’s thinking of as Planning (I trust him very much and don’t think him saying he wants to marry me is stalling or misleading me, I do believe he does- we just have different timelines). On the occasions we’ve discussed it, I’ve told him I don’t need an expensive ring and we both would prefer a fun wedding over a big fancy formal wedding (which we both did in our first marriages), but he says he wants to get me a ‘nice’ ring (I don’t think cost of a ring is the hold-up, he just has a slower paced far more patient way of doing things in general) so I try to see it from his perspective, he wants to buy a ring he feels good about and there’s added pressure on a guy not only to please his would-be fiance but the knowledge that everyone will be all “let me see the ring!”. So since we’ve discussed things and since I do believe he is sincere in wanting to marry me, I need to back off and try to be patient so a proposal within the next several months or so can be a semi-surprise and so that my negative feelings in NOT being engaged (lol which seem to flare up fairly regularly like some bizarre kind of Waiting-limbo PMS). He’s a great guy in so many ways, I don’t want my impatience to cause drama in the best relationship I’ve ever been in, hoping the camaraderie I see between bees on this site will help me with this!