(Closed) An insisting bridesmaid

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1102 posts
Bumble bee

How long have she and the boyfriend been together? Are they living together? How old are they? I know you say no one else is bringing “dates” but if that’s because some of them are married and the rest are single without SOs then that would change it for me. Kind of sucks I know when the budget’s tight and you want to keep things intimate but sometimes I think rules need to be broken to keep the family peace (of course Future Sister-In-Law should have discussed it with you like an adult, rather than just putting his name on the RSVP, and of course she should respect your wishes instead of kicking up a stink, so now it’s just a matter of deciding what to do next). I feel your pain, guest list issues are hard!

Post # 4
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you are going to have to allow the boyfriend to come or you may lose your Bridesmaid or Best Man and make FI’s family extremely unhappy. Sorry 🙁

Post # 6
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think bridesmaids should be allowed dates.  They shell out a lot of money to be in a wedding (dress, bachelorette party, shower…)..

Post # 7
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

I say stick to your guns.  If no one else can bring bf/gfs then she is being completely SELFISH and should be told so.  Your Fiance should also tell her when she’s engaged and planning a wedding she’ll understand.  Until he puts a ring on it…no.  I don’t agree that the bridal party should always get to bring a guest.  She’ll be fine without him.  Get over it.

Post # 8
9028 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i dont think you should stress over ONE additional person, especially since he the bf of one of your bridesmaids.. Even though she was wrong to not respect your wishes, i dont think ONE person will really break your budget

Post # 9
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Hmmm… on one hand, I say stick to your guns and say no (I mean, seriously, do you really care if she doesn’t show up? She sounds like a brat).

BUT, it sounds like you have already tried putting your foot down and she is still trying to bring the boy. I guess you can just keep saying no and if he shows up, try to be the bigger person and make sure he’s not around for any pictures

Post # 10
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Mmmm. I dunno, this is a touchy subject.

I’m going to try to be logical here, and maybe say something to her along the lines of this:

“I’m sorry that you are upset about this, but no one else is allowed to bring a date, not even the best man! If we let you bring your boyfriend, we’d have to let everyone bring their significant other, and we just don’t have the funds to do so, I’m really sorry but there’s nothing we can do at this point.”

Seriously, from my nonlogical side of my brain, perhaps the meaner side, it’s only what, 5 hours! She can be away from him for 5 hours!! Jeez louise! 

If he shows up, he’s going to have to know he won’t have a seat or a plate, so he may as well just not show up. I think it’s very childish of her to not just accept the fact that it’s not her decision. If she wants to cough up the money FOR him to come, well then maybe I’d consider, but she doesn’t seem like the type to do that…

Yikes! Sorry you have to deal with this, I thank the Lord I have lovely bridesmaids! Sorry, dear, I hope this works out for you!!!

Post # 11
129 posts
Blushing bee

To be honest, I don’t know why more people aren’t suggesting that you stick to your no guest policy.  You have told everyone else, including other family members, that they cannot bring dates, even if they’re in relationships.  I don’t see why FI’s sister should get an exception – it’s only going to make other people upset that they didn’t get an exception to the rule as well.  I would have your Fiance be very firm with his family and tell them that the boyfriend unfortunately will not be invited and that you’re not going to have any exceptions to the no dates rule.  It is your decision, especially if they’re not paying for extra people.

Post # 12
14965 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Ugh, I would stick to my guns on this one.  Even bestman cannot bring his Girlfriend, who does she think she is.  No one gets a date.  End of story.  She needs to grow up.  Don’t let her and Future Mother-In-Law change your mind on this, I feel like that could be a slippery slope.  Neither of them are in the place to insist anything unless they want to pony up the cash for it.

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