- 5 years ago
I am a waiting bee, and I’ve probably read every waiting thread for the past year and a half, but have never formally introduced myself or joined the waiting list. This may be a long first “waiting” post, so forgive me.
Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been together 2 and half years (we met New Year’s Eve 2010). I’m 29, he is 32. I guess I’ve been waiting for about a year and a half (although now I know that was a little bit early). I had several friends convinced he was going to propose on New Year’s Eve on our first anniversary. I got sucked up in the hype and started to believe it myself. 1 year seems a bit fast looking back now, but at the time I thought they were right and allowed myself to get excited. A few weeks before New Year’s 2011, he told me his friends were planning a backpacking trip over New Year’s weekend, he asked me to join them, but I said I wasn’t into backpacking in the cold and snow. Initially I told him I didn’t want him to go, and I was hoping to have a night out on the town with him (since it was the night we met). We kind of left things up in the air and then a week later he pretty much said he had made plans with his friends. Before I could even react I had a text from one of my best girlfriends asking me to make plans with her for New Year’s Eve (she had said her current Boyfriend or Best Friend was going to be out of town and wanted to know if we could go have a fancy dinner and attend some party). I thought the timing was too coincidental and was convinced he enlisted her help to throw me off the trail of a New Year’s proposal. I had told him I was happy he was going backpacking with his buddies and to have a great time. Meanwhile I bought a new dress, got my nails done, and was convinced he would be showing up somewhere on New Year’s Eve. I spent the entire night watching for him to show up and finally confessed to my friend after midnight. She felt bad and said that no she really just wanted us to hang out for New Years and she hadn’t talked to him. I was a little bummed and from that point on I’ve been waiting for a proposal. He had no clue I thought anything was going to happen.
He planned a surprise get away weekend for Valentine’s Day a few months later, I was convinced again that it was happening, and when he presented me with another Tiffany’s box my heart skipped a beat. Turns out it was a beautiful pair of earrings and not the ring I was convinced I was getting. I love the earrings and didn’t show any signs of being disappointed.
Last spring, his company decided to relocate him 2 and half hours away. It turned out to be a blessing, my company of 7 years also has a facility near the city he was transferred to and I was able to accept a new position that included a raise and a relocation package. During his move he was staying in hotels and would come to my house on weekends. One weekend he arrived with a couple suitcases of dirty laundry and nothing to wear to dinner. A friend and I were emptying his suitcases and starting laundry for him while he was getting cleaned up. She found a Tiffany’s box in his luggage while helping get out laundry, she didn’t look in it and I didn’t want to either, but I figured a proposal was imminent and he was probably just waiting for us to get settled into our new city. I had planned on having a talk with him about timelines before moving to this new city. I really didn’t want to buy a house together unless we were engaged. After my friend telling me she discovered a ring in his suitcase, I thought I didn’t need to have that talk and it would be more romantic when he did it on his own without bringing it up. I found out months later after buying the house that the box she saw was an empty box. For my birthday he has bought me a key charm from Tiffany’s and then an upgraded chain to wear it on. The chain came in its own box, but he put them together and presented them in the same box (thus leaving an empty box in his luggage). I never mentioned to him thinking that he had a ring.
After living together for about 6 months I was getting pretty grumpy about a lack of proposal and during a fight I kinda blew up about it. This was late October of last year. He told me he had been thinking about proposing on our vacation in November, but kind of implied that the surprise had been ruined and he wouldn’t be then. I accepted that and decided it was my fault and I would keep my mouth shut for a while (I guess I joined the shut it up pack). I figured if November’s vacation was out, that it would probably be pushed back to Christmas or New Year’s Eve (our 2nd anniversary). Well the holidays came and went without any proposal (I did get a few more Tiffany boxes, but these were too flat to be ring boxes so at least it didn’t get my hopes up too much).
I decided not to say anything until after Valentine’s Day; he had already suggested a weekend getaway. I spent the entire romantic weekend convinced it was coming at any second and probably ruined the fun of being in the moment and just enjoying him. When we got home I was pretty depressed and I held it in for a few weeks.
I had used his laptop one day while cooking, a week or so later I was trying to find the recipe I had up and so I went into his history on his computer to find it. The history had been deleted. Just as a little back history, I was married before at 19 to a man who cheated on me a lot (mostly using the computer to meet women)… despite the fact my Boyfriend or Best Friend has never shown any other signs of cheating, I somehow convinced myself that he was deleting his history for the same reason. I then started checking his history every chance I could get (most days it was deleted, even though I knew I had seen him on there). I know it was a horrible awful thing to do, and it was my own insecurities from a past relationship coming out. Finally 1 day I checked it before he deleted it, his history was full of ring shopping! Not only was he ring shopping, but the rings he was looking at were exactly my style although a bit more expensive then I would like. I was so relieved to discover the reason he was deleting history, and vowed not to look again.
In the weeks after discovering he was shopping we had lots of nice dates, fancy restaurants, nice hikes, romantic picnics. Each time I thought it was the day. During another fight I finally let all the stress explode again. I brought up the fact he mentioned he was going to propose in November, and that was a long time ago and I wanted to know why he would say that if he wasn’t planning on doing it anytime soon. He said there hadn’t been a good opportunity since then. I pointed out all the holidays, get-aways, dates and nice days we had since then. He then told me those times weren’t good enough and he was planning to do it during our July trip to Puerto Vallarta. He insisted he had been planning and shopping (I knew he had been shopping, but didn’t point out that I knew) and he wanted to propose on our trip to Mexico. During the conversation I told him it didn’t have to be some big production and I would be perfectly happy if he did it at our house on a rainy Tuesday.
July still seemed a long time away (about 4 months) at the time, so I kind of pushed for him not to do it then (I never mentioned it being too long away). I mostly told him that it didn’t seem smart to take an expensive ring (he was shopping in the 25k-30k range) to Mexico. I pointed out that he would either have to pack it in his luggage and risk losing it, or have it in his pocket and possibly have to remove it to go through security. I gave several other safety type reasons, but he kind of insisted that he thought it was a good idea. I dropped it and haven’t said anything since.
I guess having the dates of our trip gave me something to count down to and made waiting, slightly less difficult. Now that it is a couple weeks away, I have the feeling that I’ll spend all week waiting for it to happen, and it won’t. I feel like if he doesn’t the plane ride home will be pretty awkward and I will have a tough time not starting a fight. At the same time, he will have the excuse that I told him “not to do it in Mexico”.
I know there have been plenty of other threads about how not to waste a vacation waiting for it to happen and just to put it out of your mind. In this case, I’m wondering if I should mention it between now and our trip. Have some sort of conversation about it, tell him I think it is ok to do it there, or should I keep my mouth shut and hope not to ruin any surprise?
Wow, that was a long introduction! Like I said I’ve found it very helpful reading all the posts on the waiting board over the past year. I thought it was time I finally shared my “waiting story”.