(Closed) An invitation with your name only – means guest or no guest?

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Only the person/people who it is addressed to are invited. Most people know, they just want to bring someone and often don’t care about the etiquette. 

Post # 18
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Just my 2 cents:

– according to Ms. Manners no one should be invited “and Guest” unless someone’s name is actually Guest

– it is still common practice that if an invite is written to just you then it means only you are invited, nobody else

We allowed everyone to bring a guest but didn’t include “and guest” on the invites of those who we didn’t know the name of their potential guest. We figuered they would either:

a. assume they shouldn’t bring someone and then don’t, saving us money and keeping our guest list open for others

b. ask us if it is alright, which of course the answer is a “of course”

c. RSVP for 2 anyway, which is still fine

In your case it’s wrong of your friend to get so upset or to call you “cheap.” Like oracle said, it’s fine to ASK but you gave a fair response.

Post # 19
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

well….tell her you can save even more money if you uninvite her and her univited guest!  LOL!!  the nerve of people.

Post # 20
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

We didn’t include ‘and guest’ on ANY of our invitations.  If guests were married they were addressed ‘Mr. and Mrs.’ or ‘and family’… we had a very tight guest list and couldn’t alter it much.  We got A LOT of push back from my husband’s brother (he recently became engaged to someone he’d been dating for 2 months).  His argument was that they were engaged, our argument was that 1. the guest list was set prior to them dating, 2. the STD’s were sent out prior to the engagement!  We did tell them that if there was more ‘no’ responses then we were anticipating (which there were) they were the FIRST on the list!  This wasn’t good enough and we were told that I would not be invited to their wedding (even though we’d been engaged for 3 years by the time they were engaged and will be married almost a year by the time their wedding comes along)… Very frustrating!

No ‘and guest’=no guest!

Post # 21
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee

@ nvybaby82, I think you were in a really difficult situation, and I may have reacted differently.  You are talking about your hubby’s bro and part of the family, and a man that now is technically engaged no matter how shady the circumstance.  If I were in your position, I would have allowed this one to slip through.  It is almost like you are slapping them in the face and saying that their relationship didn’t mean anything (even if it really didn’t eeek).

Post # 23
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee

If it was only my name I would consider that I am not able to bring a guest.

@nvybaby2 – I agree with heather in that you should have made an exception for family members, especially your FI’s brother.  I understand the guest list was made before they are engaged but you are going to have a new SIL soon as well.  Do you really want to not allow her to come and take part in your day?

Post # 24
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I have no idea why people think they can invite whomever to parties they themselves are not hosting… so weird. It’s not a college frat kegger!

Post # 25
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@heather25- We can’t change how many people the venue holds (it held 60, we invited 140 knowing good and well that half wouldn’t come)… we were expecting max capacity.  As my husband stated to his brother, the second we knew we had open spots they would be told (we let them know almost a month prior to the wedding that there was room)… that wasn’t soon enough for them.  How were we supposed to know when we sent out the invites that he would propose to someone he’d been dating for 2 months?  How is it my fault that my husband made the decision to tell him no?  When we did let them know (AGAIN, a month prior) that there was indeed room and we would LOVE to have her (we had all met and we loved her so there wasn’t any harsh feelings) we were told that she didn’t have any time off at work… STILL not understanding the argument…

Post # 26
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

You are not obligated to invite unknown guests just so your friends can bring a sidekick. You’re right, just saying the name with no (“plus one” or “and guest”) means that just they are invited. I think the only time it’s rude to NOT allow a guest is when the person is married, engaged, or living with said “guest”.

Post # 27
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee

@nvy…I know understand more fully.  At the time, you couldn’t really accomodate anyone else.  They should not have taken such a hardline knowing what situation you were in.  Did she/Is she coming?

Post # 28
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@heather – we really did try to be accomidating, promise 🙂  We didn’t want to inconvenience anyone, let alone family!  A few of our other guests called and asked about bringing a guest and they were told the same thing ‘as soon as we got closer to the actual number of yes’ we would let them know’.  When we told my husband’s brother there was in fact room and we would love to have her (and her 2 little girls, they all really are sweet) he said she couldn’t get off work anyway, he was just upset that her name wasn’t included to begin with! 

Post # 29
Member
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’ve been to many weddings as a single gal (both with and without serious BF) and personally always liked having the ‘and guest’ option.  Sometimes I’d take the offer up, and sometimes I wouldn’t.  I guess my point is – to the single invited guest – sometimes it’s much more enjoyable to go with a guest – especially if you are feeling that at a wedding your singleness is even more so pronounced.  As you stated, your friend was just trying to give you her perspective – and, hopefully, by fully explaining, you were able to give her yours (in wanting a small wedding).  It’s just two different perspectives and a bit of misunderstanding on her part.  She’ll understand more of where you are coming from when and if she plans a wedding of her own… just as I know we all are guilty of our own faux pas from back in the day!

Post # 30
Member
3331 posts
Sugar bee

It’s too bad that your friend is making this a big deal.  I wouldn’t think that an invitation to just one person would mean he/she could automatically bring a guest.  but honestly, with respect to weddings, I’m always surprised what people assume.

Post # 31
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think that your friend has made this situation just intolerable!  I can’t imagine doing that to a FRIEND of mine right before the wedding.  I would never.  Not in a million years.  I don’t care if I was in a relationship or not…if I got an invite that just said “Betty” on it, then only I would show up.  I don’t even think that I would call my friend and ask if I could…but maybe I’m in the minority.

BIG ((HUGS)) going out to you!!

The topic ‘An invitation with your name only – means guest or no guest?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors