- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
So I have noticed something on here a LOT – people regretting their choice of bridesmaids or MOHs. Maybe the person turned crazy, or they weren’t as involved as you hoped they would be, or you drifted apart between when you made your choice and your wedding day. So I have a suggestion for people who are in the early stages of planning. This isn’t original advice – in fact, I thought it was common practice until I came on here.
In my opinion, there is no need to pick your wedding party immediately upon getting engaged, especially your Maid/Matron of Honor. When the first of my close friends got married, she waited until about 4 or 6 months before the wedding to appoint her wedding party. I did the same thing, and I can tell you that I would have made some different choices had I picked right after we got engaged. With the different events and planning projects, the bridal party kind of came together on its own – the people who really cared and I was closest to were doing things without having to be named bridesmaid, and the people I was on the fence about kind of made my decision for me by how supportive and involved they were.
Of course, your choices may not change. My FI’s sisters were going to be in the wedding party no matter what. If you have a sister you’re close to, she may be your Maid/Matron of Honor, no second thoughts. And obviously your choice of a bridesmaid shouldn’t be based exclusively on how much they have done for you since you got engaged. I just think that a lot of the issues and drama we see on these boards could be avoided if the final decision was put off until people get a chance to see what being involved in a wedding means. And a lot of things change over the course of months and years. People move away, they have kids or a new career and sort of fade out of your life because you don’t relate to each other as easily anymore. Some people are great friends, but SUCK at being bridesmaids because they hate the role, or they aren’t in a good spot to be happy for someone else’s romantic successes at the moment. In that case, it’s almost kinder to them to let them take a step back.
So maybe wait on the wedding party. Share your joys with all your friends and family, involve EVERYONE in the early events and celebrations, and the good friends will understand why you aren’t concerned with “appointing” people right away. People may surprise you; in fact, they very often do, in good ways and bad, and let them surprise you BEFORE you’ve committed to a decision you’ll regret.