Post # 1
A good male friend of mine was married in England in August. Because I was unable to make it, I splurged a little for my budget and bought them a nice slow-cooker from their registry.
A few weeks ago I got a thank you note from them saying essentially, “Thank you for your generous gift of the slow-cooker, but once we moved into our flat, we realized we didn’t have enough room for it and returned it so we could get crystal wine glasses.”
While I’m glad they got what they wanted, this seemed a little odd to me etiquette-wise. I’m not terribly offended because they are such good friends, but I’m more interested in whether this is standard procedure for my own wedding coming up. It did strike me as odd.
Has anyone else received or written a thank you note like this?
Post # 3
that is definetly odd. i personally would never tell someone i exchanged their gift for something else. but that’s just me though.
Post # 4
maybe they wanted to be honest since you guys are such good friends? They probably appreciated the gift you gave, but realized as they mentioned…it didn’t fit into their home and wanted to let you know what happened so you didn’t think they were faking on u when one day you came over and said,"hey where’s my expensive slow cooker? "
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
I only think its odd if you guys arent really good friends. I would never write something like that to a family member or distant friend, but I have a feeling I’d write something to a good friend like "Thanks for the spoons, we returned them and bought booze."
haha. So I have a feeling that they are comfortable enough with you as friends to be honest . as far as etiquette, I’m sure its a no-no, but again…I’ll probably be honest and humorous with some of my closest friends when it comes to the Thank You notes.
Post # 6
I think that’s really rude of your friend. No matter how close you are, you spent good money on your gift. That’s just hurtful. Especially since you bought something off their registry, so you assumed it was something they actually wanted. I would not recommend this strategy when signing your own thank you notes; as you’ve mentioned, it came across as odd and possibly rude. You’re bound to offend at least some people if you write notes like this.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2007 - Hyatt Lodge, Oak Brook IL
Yea, I definitely didn’t write that in my notes, although we ended up exchanging alot of our gifts!! Hopefully they don’t come over looking for their gift… hehe
Post # 8
Mrs. Emerald, just to clarify, I don’t think it’s rude to exchange the gift. We’ll probably end up doing a bit of that ourselves! But I do think it’s rude to say so in a thank you note…
Post # 9
Hmmm….I have to go with HeatherG on this one. I think they probably just wanted to let her know that they really appreciated it but it didn’t end up fitting. I think there most likely is a better way of wording the note so it doesn’t seem so offensive, but that might be a cultural difference.
Post # 10
I also agree with HeatherG; your good friends are being frank. They didn’t say "your slow-cooker sucked and we returned it for something we actually liked"!
Going forward with your own wedding, it’s certainly your choice to omit whether you and DH returned/exchanged/regifted, etc. A thank-you note’s purpose is to thank the giver for giving the gift, not what the receiver intends to do with it.
Post # 11
I don’t think it’s rude.Â I think I would try to be honest with good friends a well.Â I think they wre just thinking ahead and didn’t want to lie or explain where it went in the event that you visited and din’t see the gift.Â Â
Post # 12
I don’t think it’s rude.Â I think I would try to be honest with good friends a well.Â I think they wre just thinking ahead and didn’t want to lie or explain where it went in the event that you visited and didn’t see the gift.Â Â
Post # 13
uhhhhh……that’s weird. Don’t send notes like that.
Post # 14
I don’t think it was rude of them to let you know, but maybe in person or over the phone … in the thank you card is a bit weird IMO.
Post # 15
You know your friend. If this is the first time he’s being rude, he’s not trying to be, he’s trying to be honest. He doesn’t want to lie to you if you ask how he liked it later.
If this comes after a long line of snarky comments…. uh, why are you guys friends again?