(Closed) An ode to the passive aggressive comment

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 137
28 posts
  • Wedding: October 2009

Thankfully, I haven’t had anything too horrendous said to me yet about our wedding. It’s going to be very different than what a lot of my friends and family know, so I’m just holding my breath.

 However, there was a very funny/obnoxious comment made to me along the same lines my freshman year of college. I came home at Christmas and ran into an old youth pastor I had (who, might I add, did not represent Jesus well). He saw me and asked if I was in college and if so, where. I told him. He then asked if I had a boyfriend yet.

I laughed and said, no, no boyfriend. He responded, entirely straight-faced, "Do you even like boys?"

Actually yes, I like boys, and no, I’m not a lesbian, but thanks for asking.

I was apalled that a single 19 year-old apparently must either have something massively wrong with her or is questioning her sexuality.  Gracious. I’m happy to say that me holding out and not settling with any of the college guys I dated worked out well for me – I graduated, moved on my own and met my beloved. So take that 🙂

Post # 138
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Ugh, I accidentally made the infamous "It’s about time!" comment last night to a friend who got engaged over the weekend.  I immediately thought of this thread.  DOH!

Post # 139
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Luckily our wedding was over a year ago and I’ve forgotten most of them. My Mother-In-Law did about make me crazy, but she’s funny because she says stuff that seems VERY passive aggressive, but she doesn’t mean it that way at all. She just isn’t the most careful with words:)

 A few weeks ago, though, she was looking at my rings (she’s still in love with my e-ring, so that’s good!) and she says "I really like your ring. I don’t like the wedding band, but I like the ring". I had to laugh, because I know her ways now. My wedding band is a small plain white gold band, and I happen to like it. It would have cost too much to have one custom made to fit perfectly, and I only need one diamond.

She also was talking about a girl she met, and my DH asked if the girl was thin. She goes "not really. like ckonkle." (I’m actually quite thin). Thank goodness I am confident in how I look! She just talks before thinking but I love her. I think I lucked out with the PA stuff, I really didn’t get as much as I expected for our slightly unconventional wedding! 


Post # 140
7 posts
  • Wedding: August 2009

a well-meaning friend:

 "An ivory dress?! But that means you’re not a virgin!" (ironic because fiance and I have actually made a personal decision to wait until we’re married. Also, my mother,who was very much a virgin, wore than ivory dress)


Along with the irony, my rude and tactless boss:

Me: I can’t come into work today because I am not feeling well

Boss: Oh are you pregnant? I have to watch out with all these engaged people who work here….

Coworker in regards to my e-ring: He couldn’t do better than that? I thought he was a rocket scientist or something….

Same coworker (along the lines of my boss): You REALLY should be careful you don’t get pregnant so you can fit into your dress ok


… also comments from my grandmother about my black invitation envelopes (although she is so sweet it didn’t bother me much)

Post # 141
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

at my second dress fitting, where my mom came along with me, i had just tried on my dress and found that the tailor had taken it in too much, so i found the dress too tight.

just then, another bride, in a similar style, stepped out of the fitting room, and my mom exclaimed, loudly, for everyone to hear: "Oh look! THAT’S the way to wear a dress! See, she doesn’t have all the problems you have!"

The tailor was nice and said I look great too, but Mom goes, "No no, look, seriously, her ass is HUGE!! she’s too fat for it!"



Post # 142
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I work at a bank, and one of the first customers who noticed my ring asked immediately, "when’s the wedding?". As soon as I replied, he paused, then said, "when’s the divorce?". At first I thought he was joking, but then he went on to say, "no seriously, 50% of marriages end in divorce". Uh…thanks for the statistic. Guess I can tell what camp you fall into.


Post # 143
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You guys are so hilarious!!

 So this is Not Wedding Related but worth sharing… I went with my boy to Malaysia (where his family is from) a few years ago, and I’m white. I was holding his younger sister (who was only two at the time) when his family and I checked into the airport..

(Ticket Lady on American side): Oh, are you the nanny?

(Passport checking guy on Malaysian side — in Malay, translated later): Is she just following you guys? I can get someone to take care of her.

 Lovely! Obviously I do not belong 🙁

Post # 144
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Future Mother-In-Law: Tuttie, I need your help shoe shopping for me for flip flops for dancing at the reception.  I want to go on Saturday am.

Me: Sorry Mom, I have a dress fitting at 10:30, how about I pick you up at 12 and we’ll shop in the afternoon?

Future Mother-In-Law: Well just reschedule the dress fitting, it couldn’t hurt to wait a few more weeks and make sure you’ll have some more time to lose the weight.


Um.. what weight? I’m a fitness instructor and not planning on losing any weight, but thanks.

Post # 145
3124 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Canegirl– HAHA!  The nail salon thing was pretty funny.  Did you find it funny at the time? I always wonder why people giving pedicures say such snarky and gossipy things while their face is so close to your foot.  Just one little *accidental* muscle spasm and you could have kicked her in the head

Post # 146
62 posts
Worker bee

Mrs. Spring, I totally understand – I accidentally did something similar with a friend too! I was younger and when my friend got engaged, her guy splurged on this huge, gorgeous ring that we had all openly oggled before.

Later, we were in a bad part of town and saw a sign welcoming women to "Trade in your diamond for a bigger, brighter diamond!" Well it was obviously a scam so I said to my friend "Ha ha, that looks like a great deal, trade in your diamond for a ‘bigger, brighter’ diamond!" thinking it would be obvious that I was being sarcastic. She got quiet and said "Well I don’t think size should matter, I really like my ring…" I got all red and stammery really fast.

Since then, I have learned that e-rings fall into the category of Things You Don’t Joke About. The appropriate comments regarding e-rings are "That is gorgeous, I loooove it!" and then to shut up!

Post # 147
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

mrspaetz, you reminded me of something that is Not Wedding Related, but snarky nontheless.

A friend of mine was in the dressing room trying on a dress while I was sitting on the chairs just outside. So was another guy with his 2 kids. My friend walked out, and I oogled over how great she looked in the dress. She went back into the dressing room, and the wife of the guy with his 2 kids came out in the same dress. One of the little boys said, "Wow mom! Another lady came out of her dressing room with the same dress on! How funny!" Her husband immediately said, "You look MUCH better in it than she did honey." I turned to them all and told them that my friend could clearly hear them, and even if she couldn’t, I did and thought they were quite rude. They all just mumbled sorries. Jerks!

Post # 148
31 posts
  • Wedding: August 2009

Wow, some of these are ridiculous!  I have a couple to contribute:

When telling a friend the story of how Fiance had my ring custom-made with my mom’s 20th-anniversary diamond, she commented, "Oh, he didn’t have to buy the diamond.  THAT’S how he could afford the platinum!"  Um, rude!  Not that it’s any of your business, but he could have afforded the diamond too!  He just wanted to use the stone my mom gave him because it makes the ring sentimental and more special!

When telling Future Mother-In-Law that we were thinking of having a friend (who got ordained online last year) officiate our ceremony, she made this horrible face and said, "Oh… I just want to make sure your marriage is legal."  Seriously!?

Post # 149
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

My moment wasn’t so much passive aggressive, as it was actually aggressive, and happened AT our wedding!

Right after the ceremony, my husband and I were taking photos together. Clearly a bride and groom, me in white dress and veil, he in black tux. A couple of joggers (middle aged women) ran by and stopped. The first woman asked if we were getting married and congratulated us. The other woman said, "Have you already gone through with it? It’s not too late!" I smiled and told her we’d actually just taken our vows. Instead of just moving on, she grabbed my hand and told me how awful marriage is and how it’s not worth it and I should get out. And then laughed awkwardly, like it was funny. Ha ha ha!

My photographer got a great photo of my pained smile and this lady’s wide-eyed intensity as she gripped my hand.

Post # 150
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

One of hubby’s older cousins couldnt make it to our wedding (older like early 50s).  His reply – ON THE RSVP – said "sorry I cant make it.  But I will definitely be at the next one".  WTF!!!!  From the point we got engaged, he was always making little comments about how we were doomed for divorce and he always needed to have ‘man on man’ conversations with my Fiance (at the time).  I found out later that they were all focused on him trying to convince Fiance not to get married.  Again, WTF?  Obviously, he is not on emy list of favorite in-laws…  In his defense, he had a horrible marriage and crazy divorce when he was in his 30s.  20 years later, his WHOLE FAMILY still talks about the wedding and divorce regulary…Im talking gossiping about it at EASTER DINNER…

Post # 151
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I really really hate when I’m sharing my ideas and the person says…"Well, its your wedding so do what you want". Its not so much the words, but how certain people say it, you know? Or it seems like I can never get anyone’s real opition and this is the go to line when they don’t like it.

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