(Closed) An ode to the passive aggressive comment

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 152
26 posts
  • Wedding: August 2009

@ Miss-Norris – my Aunt wore a white pant suit to her son’s wedding. I felt so bad for my cousin’s bride. So when I got engaged, I told her if she is coming to the wedding she better not wear any shade of white. Her reply "I would never." Ha! Yeah, right.

This was the latest comment from my Future Mother-In-Law when I told her that we need a wedding coordinator. They are a luxury to have, since we are getting married in their backyard I think it is a necessity.

Me: The wedding coordinator will do everything and take care of managing all the vendors so that you don’t have to worry about where the flowers go and which linens go on which tables.

Future Mother-In-Law: Well X (FFIL) said he will be home on the morning of the wedding and FI’s Aunt will be there and so wil Fiance. So we should have plenty of help. And besides, it will give Fiance something to take his mind off of being so nervous.

Me: I do not  think folding napkins and making sure we have enough ice will help calm FI’s nerves. And besides, it is his wedding day, he should be nervous, it is natural. Making him work on his wedding day is not going to help that at all.

Then there is this one. Future Mother-In-Law keeps asking me if I am wearing my mother’s earrings every time I see her. She has asked me about them 4 times now. My mother passed away in a horribly tragic accident which Future Mother-In-Law did not care to hear the details and when I told her, her response was one of a 3 yr. old "oh look, there are the dogs." I’m not kidding, that is what she said after I told her the story of how my mom had been hit by a truck standing on the side of the road. So when she keeps asking me about the diamond earrings I wear to honor her (she left them to me) it only annoys me that she seems so obviously jealous, as these earring are much larger than the ones she wears.

Post # 153
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

So I went to show my Future Mother-In-Law my dress on Saturday.  Of course she loved it because it’s white, and then of course because it’s pretty.

Future Mother-In-Law: "So, what kind of heels are you getting"?

ME: "Oh, I’m not wearing heels, I’m wearing flip flops".

Future Mother-In-Law: "Flip flops?!  What about some nice flats"?

ME: "Mm, nope, I’m wearing flip flops, they’ll be cute.  Wedge ones with rhinestones".

So then I proceeded to tell her that I will be wearing either a fuschia or white w/ black tulle on the bottom, crinoline.  (Just because I got a white dress like EVERYONE was hoping for, instead of a black one, doesn’t mean that I am NOT going to add a touch of MYSELF to the dress.)

Future Mother-In-Law: Making a NOT THRILLED face, "Well, it looks beautiful just the way it is".

ME: "I know, but I want a colored crinoline, it’ll look gorgeous".

Future Mother-In-Law: "Well, like I said, it looks beautiful just the way it is".

Is there some kind of invisible sign hanging over a bride-in-planning asking EVERYONE for their opinion?!  And if they’re asking us what we are doing for something, is our answer just a pretend answer that doesn’t really matter?  Cause I sure as hell feel that way with EVERYTHING that I’ve said I want to do.  Anyway, I’ll stop here cause that’s a whole other thread!!!

Just keep smiling girls, keep smiling! =)

Post # 154
212 posts
Helper bee

These are great!

Post # 155
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

My cousin saw my Ering for the first time this past weekend and she said "Oh, it’s SO cute!!"

I just thought of this thread and laughed.

Post # 156
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

When my hair is long I get: "Oooh you’re hair looks so much better now that it’s longer".

And this morning after I cut off a good 5-6" of my hair and highlighted the crap out of it (and it looks HORRIBLE), all I got was: "Ooh you dyed your hair?", and I said "yes" in which case that was the end of the conversation. Apparently I should have put more stock in the first passive aggressive comment I listed 😛

Me (after spending forever getting ready to go to a friend’s wedding): "Do you like my hair?"
My fiance: "Yes… unless you’re going to wear it like that out of the house"



Post # 157
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

At our wedding, my hubby’s elderly aunt was talking about how lovely it was and that he now had practice putting together a nice event should he need to do it again.  *sigh*

Post # 158
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

An old high school friend facebooked me a while back and msged me on the facebook chat today.

Friend: "Wow, you’re engaged? Seems like everyone’s engaged and getting married next year."

Me: "Yup. Mine’s this year though. We’ve been engaged for a while."

Friend: "Well, that doesn’t count because I’m not invited."

WTF, serious?? I haven’t talked to you in years and you’re getting get all snarky on my ass?? You brought it up! Not me. 

I’m trying to laugh it off. 

Post # 159
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

This comment wasn’t so much passive aggressive as it was rude. I was talking to a girlfriend (former co-worker) about the wedding b/c she kept asking me questions (I normally try to refrain from talking about wedding stuff with people….) and she just randomly said "Your food BETTER be good…you know I’m going to be talking about it afterwards!!" ..um..ok….this coming from the woman who had a THREE DAY destination wedding and served the same mushy food at ALL the events!

Post # 160
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I just found out that my Future Mother-In-Law led my Future Sister-In-Law (who is 16, and still has a fighting chance at not turning out like her mother) to believe that my Fiance and I are forcing them to pay for part of the wedding that they can’t afford, and blaming their financial problems on us.  Actually I think she is telling this to anyone who will listen, but I found out because Future Sister-In-Law screamed at Fiance about how our wedding is ruining their family.  Awesome (boooo)

Fact: when we got engaged they INSISTED on paying for alcohol, and have not been open to a conversation about paying less than the full amount the venue quoted.  This amount has already been charged to their credit card.

My parents (who should be sainted) are going to step in and gently declare that they want to cover more of the cost than they already are, so that my abusive in-laws can stop trying to control us with money… money that we never even asked for!

Post # 161
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

My half-sister and I had a major falling-out after we moved out of her husband’s rental property because it was infested with mold (there were mushrooms growing out of the ceilings.) After we got engaged, I called and left her several messages asking her to call me. I finally just left her a message telling her I was getting married. She called me back and said "Congratulations… I guess. We could really use some money from you guys because B (her husband) needs to put all the bills back into his name since you moved out." Um… yeah, Ok, that’s not my responsibility. But then again, neither of you know anything about a landlord’s responsibilities. You obviously don’t have any tact either. We don’t talk anymore.

Post # 162
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

just days before the wedding the future step-mother in law says a bunch of crazy stuff to me like "he was just so in love with marla" and "we really thought he and DK would end up together"….um, this is just the day before we left for Australia for our wedding and she of course just said the comment to me, would never have said so in front of her husband/my husband’s father. However, he, the Father-In-Law said that I looked like a beautiful Greek statue to her after seeing a few of the wedding photos. Ha! take that!

Post # 163
2 posts

Not really PA, just plain horrible.

My grandfather passed away three days ago after a long illness and yesterday my grandma told me that he decided to die because he didn’t agree with some decisions I took in planning my wedding.

 I’m devastated. I know she’s just lost her husband of 49 years, but how can she be so MEAN?

Post # 164
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

Su…I’m very sorry for the loss of your grandfather. As for the comment your grandma said, take it with a grain of salt. It’s tough to spend 49 years with someone and outlive them. I know it stings beyond belief and you’re grieving too, but not something worth fighting over.

Post # 165
5495 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

My "best friend" from high school does not like anyone my friends or I date. She hates the idea of marriage, and so on. Not 3 hours after I posted on my space I got engaged, she posted a blog of her accomplishements since HS. Here they are:

1. Living all on my own, independently from my parents.

2. Buying my own car.

3. Paying my own car insurance, phone bill, and other various bills.

4. I have only borrowed $120.00 from my parents in the last two years: Which I paid back.

5. Having a decent job which I actually like.

6. Claiming "independent" on my taxes this year:-)

7. Staying in school, not dropping out, and making my parents proud of me.

8. Not getting pregnant.

9. Not getting engaged.

10. Declaring my major, and making huge plans for the future which I can accomplish because I’m not tied down in any way. Well… except for my puppy… but I guess he will just come with me

I feel this was kinda a blow to not just me, but my married sis, and several other girls. She has not talked to me since the engagement. her loss.

Post # 166
15 posts
  • Wedding: May 2009

I think I’ve had my fair share of PA comments as well.

One "friend" asked me if my engagement ring was made of silver (it’s white gold and diamonds). I ignored that comment but the same friend then continued to imply that my fiance (now husband) would not be able to chose proper clothing for the wedding and probably would show up wearing a tracksuit when I mentioned that we wouldn’t go down the tuxedo road. (My husband wore a darkgrey suit in case you wonder) The same person then added that he would come to our wedding if he had nothing better to do. Since the invitations had not yet been sent out, I decided to remove this friend from the guestlist.

After the wedding I’ve had another friend who critised everything from the photos taken by the photographer (too arty), the ceremony (our ceremony was trilingual and in her opinion the officiant didn’t speak enough English), to the speeches given by some of the wedding guests (too informal – yes they were informal heartfelt and very touching speeches). Sigh. She didn’t make one single positive remark about the wedding.

I guess in the end weddings are quite good for showing you who your real friends are…

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