(Closed) An ode to the passive aggressive comment

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 212
1268 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

we told my 94 year old southern baptist that we had set a wedding date and she said ” isnt he the one that is a jew” and my mom said yes? and granny said “its ok, we true christians know that jews are a treasure.’  Oh boy–  well- she is right – he is a treasure- to marry into my family

Post # 213
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

== Wedding dress shopping with my fave/closest cousin ==

Me: Whoa! these dresses are SO EXPENSIVE!

Cuz: Yeah. You shouldn’t spend that much on a dress. It’s only for a few hours and you will never wear it again. And when you do get divorced and want to marry again, I doubt you’d want to wear the same dress.

Me: *wide-eyed wonder*

Yep, ladies, she was very serious! And it was REALLY awkward coming from her since we culturally have an extremely low divorce rate to begin with.

== My brother’s friend’s dad. This friend’s family is invited to the wedding as the mom is good friends with my mom ==

Friend: It’s going to be a fun fusion wedding!

Her dad: A fusion what?

Friend: The bride and groom are from different cultures and religions. They are blending a lot of those into the wedding. Sounds like a lot of fun!

Her dad: This marriage won’t last. These never do. Oh well. We have to attend though cuz we are invited. Even though I don’t support this union.

== Formal clothing store owner ==

The owner realizes this is a fusion wedding so turns to my mother who also went with us and says: “Oh well! I guess you have to let kids pick whoever they want these days. There is nothing you can do to stop them.”

My mom: *uncomfortable smile*

Me: *eyebrow raise* “Let’s go elsewhere! I am not impressed with what I see here”. (Half referring to the clothing, half to the owners.)

== My very jealous aunt (my mom’s SIL) ==

Aunt to me: So I guess your wedding is probably not going to have any of the fun ceremonies we have to have. Just the same old ‘white people’ church and reception day, right?

Me: Yeah, we are having the ‘WHITE PEOPLE’ wedding. I think that will be a LOT of fun. But we will still add a few of our cultural ceremonies like: (and I listed ALL of them.)

Aunt: *long pause*…………… hm

Can we say offensive and racist and jealous!? Jeez! This aunt is a total b*tch! Anytime we have met after that, she has NEVER asked anything about my Fiance or our wedding. Her daughters think of her as a b*tch too! Go figure! She needs a whole new thread dedicated to her stupidness. One day I will make one. Everytime I start to write anything related to her, my blood rises.

Post # 214
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

me showing off my ring:

“Oh! …it’s cute!”

“Yeah, plus the size of the ring doesn’t even matter!” 

Oh those ladies..lol

Post # 215
2903 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

since we did the legal marriage already but the ceremony is in 8 months

i’ve gotten 100s (ok maybe 10s)

of, “when are you due?” and “that’s so exciting, you’re having a baby!”

um, no, and i just lost a bunch of weight, so it’s extra excruciating to hear. sigh.

i’ve even gotten “so how are you going to fit into that dress that you bought” (with the assumption of pregnancy so deep that they don’t even realize it!)


LOL it’s funny now, but then–ouch!

Post # 216
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Before I had a ring on my finger, I moved to the UK for a year to go to grad school. Fiance remained in Canada, but he and I flew back and forth to visit each other when we had vacation time. When I was home for the Christmas holidays, Mom and I were chatting in the kitchen when she comes out with,

Mom: “So, have you…met anyone in England?”

Me: “Mom, you realize R and I are still together, right? Just because I moved away for a year doesn’t mean we broke up. He just visited me in November. And his parents have invited me over for Christmas Eve. I could have sworn I told you all this before.”

Mom: “Oh. I just figured you’d fall for some guy with an accent over there.”

Thanks for that show of confidence in our relationship, Mom. Really. </sarcasm>

Post # 217
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

One of my best friends from college is half Vietnamese.  So for her wedding, she was going to wear a traditional Vietnamese wedding dress for part of her reception.  The day before the wedding, I was with her and her mother getting her final fitting.  I said to her mom something about how great it is that they are able to incorporate all these great traditions and that I wish I had something like this.  She turned to me and said “well you are caucasian.”  I had no words.

Post # 218
1 posts
  • Wedding: September 2010

Stupid B—ch: “Um, I saw you registered for X-item at Y-store.”

Me: “Well, that registry isn’t on our wedding website, you must have googled my name to find it.  I’m not telling people about that one if they ask for registries.  I don’t know how to delete it.”


Stupid B–ch: “Oh, good.  Because you’re not getting anything like that from us.”


The gifts in question were in the $100 range.  That a-hole and her boyfriend came to our wedding and got us a $25 gift for the pair of them.


Post # 219
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I thought of more…lol

When we told my Future Mother-In-Law about our wedding details, she said “Oh. Not in church. Well I figured that’s what you wanted but I NEVER thought (FI) would allow it. Is it even legal if it’s not in a church?” This comment was absurd because while Fiance and I went to church together when we first started dating, it was only to please parents (we were in h.s.) Since graduation, we haven’t been in 5 years so idk why he would “never allow it” She just still has the impression that her baby boy is the perfect church-going angel of her dreams lol.

When we told my mom about doing a 60’s theme with Beatles music, she said “well I guess it’s a good thing you aren’t getting married in a church. they’d never allow that kind of music.”

An friend of mine who got married this summer came up to me with this comment, a few weeks after her wedding: “Oh just wait. You and (FI) will be divorced before the end of the honeymoon. (DH) and I had already called our lawyers on the 3rd night. We worked it out though. But I can’t WAIT to see how long you and (FI)’s marriage lasts!” To put it in perspective, Fiance and I have been together for 6 years, engaged for 2. She and her husband dated 6 weeks and were hitched. I am not saying that *just* because we’ve been together awhile it guarantees success, but at least we know each other on a deep level. I’m not going to be on my honeymoon cruise and realize my husband is addicted to gambling and won’t come out of the casino to spend 1 minute with me. That’s what happened to her and now, 6 months after the wedding they are bankrupt. I feel somewhat bad for her, but then again, she should have given it time and not tried to curse my marriage either. 

Post # 220
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Lol, this thread is amazing!  I’m almost jealous that I haven’t noticed any of these types of comments happening around me!

My mother is the queen of passive-aggressive, but I have avoided dealing with that by not speaking to her since shortly after my engagement.  😀  I will see her this weekend for a family christmas dinner that I couldn’t get out of, though, so I guess we’ll see what she’s got for me?

Post # 221
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

When we told my FI’s father & stepmother we had set a date, all his stepmother had to say was “How much is your wedding going to cost?” FI’s dad then said to him, “Last chance to get out now while you still can” (or something along those lines.) WTF people? Also, this isn’t wedding related, but after I graduated from university, (Summa cum Laude no less) FI’s stepmom just said ,”Oh, are you going to get a job now?” No congratulations, no nothing. Needless to say, they aren’t invited to our wedding – Partially because of this, and because of other reasons as well.

Post # 222
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

When my uncle got my STD in the mail he called to ask if I was getting married because I am pregnant. Mind you I sent the STDs in August 2010 my wedding is in April 2011.

Post # 223
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

View original reply
@Mochacoca: Oh, no! I forgot about all of these that I got when we first got engaged. “Why? Are you pregnant?” Hmm, that must be it, that is surely the only reason to get married! LOL

Post # 224
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

How about passive aggressive laughing? Coming from a guy?

A guy I know, “J”, was complaining about his brother getting engaged after only six months of dating a woman, and setting their date before J could set his.

J was upset because his own engagement has been dragging on for years, and I guess it pissed him off that he got engaged first but others were getting down the aisle before him.

I’ve never thought of marriage as a race, but trying to be supportive, I said, “Yeah, six months is a pretty short time.” He scoffed at me and said, “Say that again?” Thinking he didn’t hear me, I repeated myself.

J started laughing at me.

He said, “You’re one to talk.”

It didn’t take much prompting for him to transition from the passive aggressive to the agressive-agressive. He told me that since I’d only been living with my fiance for 8 months, I shouldn’t talk.

Serves me right for trying to show my support by agreeing with him! And I guess dating for 3.5 years before moving in together doesn’t count for anything, but what do I know right? Because apparently J knows my relationship better than I do! Well, I’m happily married now, so sorry J, guess I won your little race!

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