(Closed) An ode to the passive aggressive comment

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 122
Member
18 posts
Newbee

I’m actually not engaged but had to add this one because I thought it was funny and "WTF!?!" at the same time. This was me chatting with my recently engaged friend and a single friend:

Recently engaged friend:      I’m doing my reception playlist. I’m still not sure about some of the Do Not Plays. Definitely no Electric Slide or Chicken Dance, but I don’t know about some of the other ‘classics’ like Shout and Celebrate.

Me:      (Kidding around!) Aw, c’mon X, play Shout! I love that song!

Single friend:     (snaps) Well it’s not YOUR wedding is it! So you don’t get to pick the playlist!

Um, ok. I kind of, you know, thought we were having a friendly light-hearted conversation, not that I was going to be a friendzilla and storm the DJ booth if she didn’t play ‘Shout’.

Post # 123
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’ve been following this board and thinking to myself how lucky I am to not have people saying such ridiculous things, buuuuuuut my FMIL’s major insecurity has reared its ugly head. 

First off, FI’s parents have never had too much belief in him, that’s a whole other post.  When we started dating, his mom kept telling him she missed his ex, you know the one he was engaged to who had sex with other people behind his back? 

Then a month into our relationship we were going to take a trip for him to meet my grandparents who were 103, in case that was our only chance (it was, thank God we went!).  Well, my grandpa was a successful man (who built himself up from dire poverty), and his mom googled my last name, found out about his legacy, and assumed we were snobby aristocrats and told my then boyf that he wasn’t good enough for my family.  WTF?!  My family LOVES im, my aunt even said if we ever broke up he should call her and she’d fix him up somewhere else in the family, LOL!!

But then I got to know his family better, and they met my parents, and it seemed like we were all getting along.  Once we got engaged, his parents immediately offered to pay for the alcohol at our wedding, which we accepted, though honestly my parents are much older, comfortably semi-retired, and expected to pay for most of my wedding (I know I am so lucky). 

So last night Fiance calls me very upset, he had been at his parents’ house and his mom went on a total rant about how the people at our venue are sheisters (they are some of the most honest people and have provided amazing service thus far), our wedding is putting them in the poor house, my family should be paying for this because we’re hiding money under the mattresses, she’ll drink her money’s worth in alcohol, stuff like that.  Mind you we never asked them to pay for a penny of this wedding!!  AND we put their names on the invite with my parents’ names as a nice gesture even though they are paying for like 10% of the wedding!!  Fiance was SO upset because his parents used to say stuff like this all the time when he was younger, trying to make him feel worthless. 

Needless to say, we are having the venue refund the money his mom has paid, regardless of how much she protests to save her dignity. What a shame that people can’t just be honest and straightforward with each other. Fiance and I will be living just 3 miles from his parents, but after the wedding, I don’t think we’ll see them much.

Post # 124
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

This is all hilarious! I guess the best comment I got was, after I had JUST told my friend my husband was planning to wear a white tux, she said:

"I think men wearing white tuxes is tacky. Not that he will be. But you know what I mean."

Um, no. I don’t. Open your mouth a little wider to get BOTH feet in there 🙂

Post # 125
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: November 2007

I have had my share of comments!!

Two that really stick out come from my mom and Future Mother-In-Law.

 Comment #1- My Fiance and I went wedding ring shopping and I was deciding between two wedding bands and chose the smaller one with the smaller diamonds because I felt it complimented my ring better:

Me: Mom!  We bought our wedding bands today, look! 

Mom:  (squints at the ring on my finger) You should have bought one with bigger diamonds in it.  When it’s too small it looks fake.

Me:  Yeah…thanks mom.  I love it.

Mom:  If you like it, that’s all that matters

 

Comment #2:  We made the mistake of bringing my Future Mother-In-Law to come see my wedding dress after I bought it.  It’s ivory/champagne, I did not want a pure white dress.

Future Mother-In-Law:  (After the sales girl brings out my gown)  That’s the color of your dress? 

Me:  Yeah, isn’t it gorgeous?  It’s champagne

Future Mother-In-Law:  Well maybe it will look different once it’s out of the bag.

 OMG!

Post # 126
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

I have to add another to my list! LOL
FI’s Uncle S & Aunt T got married after T finally got pregnant. When we saw them at some family holiday thing she looked Fiance & I straight in the face and said "Don’t get married until you’ve had kids! It’s not worth it – You end up losing SO MUCH money." We just looked at each other and tried not to laugh?
REALLY? You mean you don’t marry someone because you LOVE them whether or NOT you have or plan to have kids?! WHAT?!?!? (This particular Aunt is a little "weird" and everyone in the family just ignores her haha)

Post # 127
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Oh goodness…. I have three.

 My mom is a completely sane person 99% of the time.  For some strange reason she has gone completely nuts since I got engaged.

I was going on and on about the AMAZING 7 course dinner we will be having (we are both major foodies) when this doozie of a conversation happened: MOM- "Don’t you think that will be wasted on his family?"  ME – "What?!  What are you talking about?" MOM – "Well they are from a small town and probably don’t have nice restaurants." ME – "So you want me to serve them McDonalds while everyone else eats the 7 courses?"

My family is from Dallas and when my 2 older brothers got married, they got married in Texas but not in Dallas.  When I got engaged my mom did the usual hugging and such but then she said, so where do you think you’ll get married?  I said probably in Miami where I live now.  She sighed heavily and said, with 3 children can no one get married where it is convenient for me?!  Yeah Mom, because that is exactly why I chose Miami….because I wanted to make it inconvenient for you.

MY PERSONAL FAV:

I was chatting with a person at the nail salon when she noticed my ring she started asking about the wedding.  She asked about bridesmaids and I said I wasn’t having any.  She said, "Oh, do you not have any friends?" 

Post # 128
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think most of my passive aggressive comments have actually come from my bridesmaids. We all went shopping for their dresses this weekend and several things came up.

I mentioned that since it will be a catholic ceremony that they will be sitting for portions of it.  Bridesmaid or Best Man 1 said: "If we’re sitting why do we have to wear dresses?"  Well, what else would you wear?  As we passed other stores in our mall they started suggesting other things they could wear.  Like Sesame Street character shirts when we passed Spencers.  Or sports team shirts later on.  OK.  I get it.  You don’t want to wear a dress.  Suck it up.  It’s one day.

I was later talking about my Fiance and I attending our pre-marriage classes and meeting with my priest.  My Fiance is anti-religion but wants to do what it takes for us to be married in the Catholic  church.  I love him for this. I happened to mention that we didn’t come right out and tell my priest exactly how Fiance feels about religion we just said he wasn’t any particular religion and was unbaptized.  Bridesmaid or Best Man 1 to Bridesmaid or Best Man 2 (who looked very disapproving):  "We’ll get a lightning rod so hopefully we won’t get hit." Thanks.

I’m not sure this is PA but I’m not sure what it says about how my grandma thinks of me.  My Fiance and I have lived together for most of our 3 yr relationship.   When he proposed last June, I called my grandma to tell her I had big news.  After I said I was engaged she said, "Whew, I thought you were calling to tell me you were pregnant."  I like to think if I was she would have at least acted happy.

And last this comment was just out of no where.  My Fiance and I were talking about our pre-marriage classes and scheduling conflicts.  I was joking around and offering alternatives if couldn’t complete them and therefore not get married in my church.  I suggested the Precious Moments Chapel that is about an hour from us.  Then my Future Sister-In-Law pipes up and says "You could get married at X Baptist Church."  Umm….I’m Catholic and you’re brother isn’t religious.  What makes you think we’d consider a Baptist church?  Ridiculous.

 

 

Post # 129
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I definitely am getting a lot more from my Future Mother-In-Law.  They just keep coming and coming…

 "If I had known you were going shopping for silk flowers, I wouldn’t have let you go.  There’s still time for us to go find a florist so you can get the real flowers you deserve.  You shouldn’t settle." (This after I told her how excited I was to have found my REAL looking silk flowers that are EXACTLY what I want and will not have to be preserved.)

 

"Well, you only get a honeymoon once.  Just because Mr.Prince wants to go to Disney World doesn’t mean that’s where you have to go." (We got engaged and Disney and have been planning to go back since)

 "Well, we’ll make sure the rehearsal dinner is really nice.  We can afford it, so we’ll take care of it." (after seeing that the prices for our AMAZING caterer were relatively cheap.  She even tasted his food and loved it too!)

Post # 130
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@PrincessChristy I’m with you on the Future Mother-In-Law comments.  The most recent one was when we were showing her our china pattern and she said –"Are you ever really going to use china?" (Which may seem innocent but every time she comes over she prefers to bring dinner rather than have me cook it.)

Hmm.  Well if I’m registering for it then yes, I’m planning on using it. 

Post # 131
Member
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

omg, I was meaning to post as soon as this thread got started but it slipped my mind….and now look how it has expanded! oh I love it!

Me: So where are you looking at getting married, I can help you in your search if you want (as I had looked at about 30 places in out city for our venue)

Bridesmaid or Best Man (who is getting married in April): well we have a few hotels in mind, we are only looking at hotels and you didn’t look at many so you can’t really help.

Me: Oh, why are you ONLY looking at hotels (I had already sent her a bunch of non-hotel reception venues)

Bridesmaid or Best Man: I think it is stupid to not get married at a hotel. You dont accomodate your guests if you have a wedding ceremony in 1 place and the reception in the other. When people don thave hotel weddings its so annoying.

Me: *blank stare*

My wedding is in an art gallery…….NOT a HOTEL. and she is my Bridesmaid or Best Man…nice

Post # 132
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021

So if you read my various Future Mother-In-Law posts you know we aren’t bff. I even made a whole post about this but the conversation wwent something like this:

Me   "something about the wedding being at vista house"

Future Mother-In-Law "oh you are having the wedding there still? I thought it could only hold 80 people"

me: "it can but we have a good guest list of our family and friends. and they will all fit"

Future Mother-In-Law "oh well i made us an appointment to look at the golf course anyway- maybe we could use it for the rehersal dinner"

me "yes if you want to use it for the rehersal dinner that would be fine, but the wedding will be at vista house"

 

**later on at the golf course**

Future Mother-In-Law: "see if you had the wedding here you could… blah blah blah… and invite more people."

Me: "I thought you were considering this for the rehersal dinner."

Future Mother-In-Law: "well we could but I thought once you saw it you might like it for the wedding"

me: "this is not negotiable the wedding will be at vista house. I am not inviting anyone to my wedding that Fiance and or I are not close to. We can hold all those people just fine in vista house"

my Fiance says she is mad because she wanted to invite people. Oh well, too bad for her!

 

Post # 133
Member
3340 posts
Sugar bee

My mom was hurt that she couldn’t be included (much) in the planning process because a) my parents can’t afford to pay for the wedding, b) I was planning from SOUTH AMERICA.  So no dress shopping together or picking flowers or any of that.  We’re talking about everything I had planned (which was pretty much everything with 5 months to go) and she says:

"You know, this wedding is all YOU.  If it turns out beautiful, you planned it all.  And if it’s screwed up, it was all you too!"  No sarcasm.  She was serious.

Thanks Mom.

My mom also always says "I would do X instead of Y, but it’s not my wedding."  Sure isn’t!

I expected a lot of PA comments about my ering, but I’ve never heard any!  It’s a 3ct. white sapphire, and when he proposed even I was thinking it looked a bit like costume jewelry.  But now I love it!  No one has said anything though, which is nice.  I think telling people that it’s a sapphire helps since then they aren’t thinking "That has GOT to be CZ."  Plus I have fat fingers so it makes the stone look smaller, hehe.

Funny jewelry store story: When I got my ring resized the saleslady was trying to find a polite way to say that it was clearly not a diamond, and thus the store could not insure it against damage while resizing.  She said "It doesn’t seem to have the qualities of a diamond…" and trailed off, obviously looking at my Fiance for confirmation that I knew it wasn’t.  I laughed and told her I know it’s a sapphire.  She said "Well it’s certainly not CZ, which looks way too sparkly and really cheap" and I think the girl next to me must have had a CZ ring, because she got a dismayed look on her face and walked away.  Poor thing!

Post # 135
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2009

LOL I love this thread, makes me feel better about all the little planning (let’s call them) hurdles 😉

 When telling my Future Father-In-Law that we’re engaged –Oh so you’re pregnant? No? Why would you want to do that then? (yep getting knocked up is the only thing that could get my man to marry me)

My FFMIL shows me the dress she’s chosen to wear to the wedding, it’s ivory with some lace and although not quite a ball gown just about as fancy as my dress–This is it, I know it’s ivory but no one follows that rule anymore (that rule being not to wear white to someone else’s wedding), besides your dress is much darker then mine (it’s not. and even if it was!).

My own dear Mother is talking to me on the phone one day when I’m particularly stressed about deciding wedding stuff–Well miss_norris I don’t think you should spend time on things that nobody will care about but you. (This might have been a nice idea except those things nobody will notice were the programs, favours and our first song :P)

And of couse I get the comments about my three stone sapphire white gold ring–oh that’s nice, is sapphire your birth stone? (maybe not meant to be rude but annoying, i love sapphires dammit!), oh is that silver? (and what if it was?!) and my favourite ‘don’t worry honey, he’ll be able to buy you a real one later"… this is the real one!! 😛 Honestly!

Post # 136
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

Oh my goodness…I am dying with all of these comments! I thought of another one my friend went through:

Friend’s Future Mother-In-Law: So, this is the dress that I’ll be wearing to the ceremony, and then I’m going to have a wardrobe change into THIS dress for the reception.

Friend: Why are you switching dresses?

Friend’s Mother-In-Law: Everyone does it dear…oh, don’t you have a fancier dress than this for your reception? Tsk…it’s ok dear, we’ll find you SOMEthing…

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