Post # 1
The thread on what the reaction would be if you found out your child was gay brought me to want to actually write about something I’ve wanted to for a bit now. I’m a regular user and I made this name not because I am ashamed in anyway, but for the fact that I want to protect the privacy of the person this is about because it is not my place to name names but it’s a topic that I never see discussed on here. I won’t ask what you’d do if this was your child because that thread turned ugly fast. And I’d appreciate no offensive comments. I just wanted to share my experience and see if anyone else has any similar experiences they want to share or hopefully some will just benefit from this post in some way. Also, I’m just incredibly proud of this person for their bravery and wonder sometimes how many of us would really be able to admit it and move forward if we had these feelings.
Growing up, I had a half sister that was five and a half years older than me. She was never feminine in the least bit – I wore pink, she wore blue; I played with Barbie, she played with Hot Wheels (I’ll admit I did too ). I don’t remember her ever wearing makeup. When I was older (I can’t remember – maybe 17?) she told me she was a lesbian. Honestly, it wasn’t a huge shock because I don’t remember her ever having a boyfriend and I had been stalking her on MySpace (it was a few years ago) and it just seemed obvious. And like most of you, I had no problem with it. I could tell my mom was a bit taken aback but she quickly was over it and very supportive. My sister told me later how she had always encountered strong hate because of this – she was made fun of and beat up a large portion of her schooling – which really hurt me to know that people were so cruel.
A few years later she called me with more news. She told me to sit down and make sure I was relaxed and calm. She went on to talk about how she always thought she was just a lesbian. But nothing ever felt right and she felt it was holding her back. She said a few years ago it occurred to her what she was feeling but she didn’t have the bravery to bring it out until now to a friend and to me because she had already seen so much hatred from just being a lesbian. She told me she didn’t feel like a girl and was about to start therapy to transition into a man. That was not what I ever expected to hear.
I will admit my reaction was mixed. I wanted my now brother to be happy of course but now I had no sister. My mom is still struggling a bit with this but is supportive. It didn’t take me long at all to be fully supportive because he is a million times happier now. My main concern after thinking about it for a couple of days was that he would regret it later because it can’t be reversed completely even if you have only started the hormone therapy part without surgeries. He assured me he wouldn’t regret it but that the therapy was there to narrow it down to those who really truly had gender identity disorder and qualified to move forward with the treatment.
He now lives life completely as a man and hopefully will be able to start surgeries within a couple of years. He also may be a gay male or bisexual. People really don’t understand this though. People don’t see it as “right”. He no longer talks to his dad among others who have shut him out due to not understanding. He was denied his name change because the judge decided that it wasn’t a good enough reason (we live in an area of the country that is not accepting of the gay community let alone someone who is transsexual).
First, I wanted to share this because I didn’t see anything about sex changes on here. It seems to make people very uncomfortable. This confuses me because people treat him no differently when they just think he’s a man but it completely flips if they find out he used to be a female. Also, I’ve always thought people should be allowed to be happy with who they are as long as it isn’t hurting anyone. But now that he is completely himself and has gained support from those closest to him, he is much more productive which is absolutely fantastic. Those that seem to judge him, don’t know him. This last statement is probably not everyone’s opinion. This experience has strengthened more in me that judging and holding people back from being happy in this society because the person is different than you is completely counterproductive and keeps those that judge from knowing some pretty amazing people. You don’t have to comment at all and like I requested, please don’t be offensive. It just is nice to get my feelings out about the subject which is something I don’t often get to really do and as I said, I’m incredibly proud of his bravery – I hope I’d be able to do the same if it was me. It also hopefully will shed light on the topic even though I can’t give a firsthand account of the experiences.
Post # 3
I know you don’t exactly want too many comments, but I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to share your brother’s story.
Post # 4
@jo.lee: I don’t mind comments at all. I just don’t want comments ending up a debate on what is right and wrong as it did in the other thread which ended up being offensive to most of the Hive. I wanted to share it because it’s something most people I know misunderstand because they don’t take the time to learn about it. And I’m glad you made it through the whole thing.
Post # 5
Thank you for posting this. I think a lot of the ignorance and hate stem from the fact that these people just don’t KNOW anyone who are LGBTQ. Although you’re anonymous, WB is still a community, and by bringing your story to light will hopefully help others relate, even if a little bit.
Post # 6
I recently went to hear a man who went through this speak about his operation and what he goes through on a day to day bases. I wish I could remember his name so I could find an internet link for you. But he was very informative and was willing to answer every questions that was thrown at him, no matter how offensive it was. In Canada for example, people who want to do this surgery have to do lots of psychiatric evaluation before they will be even considered for the surgery. I didn’t know that!
I wish you and your family the best.
Post # 7
Post # 8
Thank you for sharing this. And I’m glad your brother is happier, and has such a good sister to support him.
Post # 9
There was a made for TV HBO Movie back in 2003 called Normal.
It was the first time I’ve ever really sat down and thought about this.
I’m a firm believer that we are born who we are. And sometimes some of us are born into the wrong body. This is still the same person you loved, grew up with and cherished. I don’t think anything changes that.
I also -not knowing too many particulars- think this is something he must have thought about for a very long time before making this huge and expensive decision. So I’m sure he understands the ramifications of it.
I won’t lie, I’m not sure how I would react if my kids were to tell me that. I think not because of acceptance more in terms of guilt and failure. I would feel like I failed and birthed my child into the wrong body. Irrational, yes. But that’s how I would feel.
I applaud you & your family for supporting your brother. I know many many families would not be able to.
Post # 10
Just curious: Did your sibling have her period when she was female? Sometimes babies born with ambiguous genitalia are “assigned” a gender, usually it’s female, and that gender isn’t always what they actually are supposed to be.
Post # 11
Thanks for sharing your story. I think it is difficult for many people to wrap their heads around just because they don’t know someone who is transsexual and the idea seems very foreign to them. Knowing someone who is going through it gives you a much better perspective than someone just reading about it or watching it on TV.
Post # 12
My husband and I have a good friend from college who is also in the transition process (he’s been taking hormonal treatments for about a year). He actually started the process in college, and while it’s been a long journey (and he still has a long way to go) he’s a very positive person. It also helps that his parents are super supportive; his dad actually said, “Yeah, that makes sense,” when he told him he always felt like a male.
What surprised me is that transitioning to another gender is such a long, muli-step process. I always though it was just, go get the surgery, and you’re set, but it takes years to complete all the steps, and it can be a very painful process. Your brother is lucky to have a supportive sister like you. 🙂 He needs your love and support.
Post # 13
I think this post was beautifully written. I support sex change 100%. Everyone deserves to be happy. I think it will be awhile, unfortunately, before transgendered individuals see the same support though. You are a wonderful sister and your brother is very lucky to have you as a strong support.
Post # 14
Your story brought tears to my eyes. You are a wonderful sister and have gained a very brave new brother. I have people very close to me that are gay and it is so hard and so painful for me to listen to others judge them or their ‘goodness’ without even knowing them. I will never understand love that comes with conditions – whether that be family, friends or your neighbor.
I hope the rest of his transition goes smoothly and his life is filled with the happiness and peace he was missing.
Post # 15
I’ll be honest—I don’t know a lot or have a lot of experience with this topic. But, that said, everyone is human and deserves support and respect. Bravo to you for being so wonderfully supportive!
Post # 16
“I’ve always thought people should be allowed to be happy with who they are as long as it isn’t hurting anyone”
YES. i agree 1000000%. your brother is so lucky to have you as a sister.