(Closed) An old friend is mad she is not in our wedding party!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1906 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

god thats annoying – what a silly woman! do whats right for u dont feel guilty for her weird behaviour!

Post # 4
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@little_lamb:  yes.  twice actually.  Its really frustrating, but you just have to let it go.  One was a girl I had been friends with when I was younger, but then had a huge falling out with in high school, and never spoke to again. She saw my younger sister at a party.  She cornered her and freaked out on her because she did not get a personal phone call to be informed that I was engaged.  She then proceeded to trash talk me becasue my sister is not my Maid/Matron of Honor or a bridesmaid (we havent spoken in a year). I’m sure she felt dumb when I sent my save the date out to her mother and father, but not to her.  People can be very self-centered sometimes. 

Post # 5
4835 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Super bizzare!  I would either ignore or let her know (if it’s true) that you are keeping it really small and that you two haven’t been as close over the last few years and that you’d love to see her more often and introduce her to your Fiance.

I didn’t encounter anything like this.  Given her social graces, it’s no wonder that you two have drifted apart.

Post # 7
8700 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

That is SO bizarre! You seriously escaped a landmine with her!

Post # 8
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@little_lamb:  WOW! I can’t believe that!  She’s clearly only thinking of herself.  I didn’t experience anything like this surrounding my bridal party selection … not to my knowledge andyway!

Post # 9
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This happened to me as well. Sometimes people have different interpretations of closeness, and sometimes when people drift apart, there is no real closure that yes, we have all in fact moved on and built new connections. The bridal party is that reality sucker punch for some people. I had a friend whom I hadn’t spoken a word to in close to a year express her hurt feelings about not being a bridesmaid, because in her mind we were close but just busy. 

What can you do I guess…

Post # 10
3201 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@little_lamb:  Yes. I had a girl text me and ask me if she was going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor after not talking to me for 8 months. I’ve known the girl for 14 years, but we haven’t been close in so long that I never planned to ask her. Not to mention she wanted FH and got mad at me and him when she found out we were dating. She got over not being in the wedding party.  

Post # 11
2202 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Your response was much nicer than mine would have been.I don’t think I would have physically been able to allow myself to type more than”…sorry?”

Post # 12
1974 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

@little_lamb:  you responded so well to her.  If I were you that would now be it for me and I’d leave the ball in her court, she was clearly out of line! Don’t let people like this spoil your planning. 

Post # 13
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

As someone with a bridesmonster in my Bridesmaid or Best Man lineup I would say to you that you have had a lucky escape. Planning can be stressful enough without that crock of shit happening too.

Also, congratulations on your engagement and best wishes for your big day! 🙂 

Post # 14
36 posts
  • Wedding: May 2013

Congratulations on your engagement! 🙂

I had a similar situation, too. I was very good friends with a coworker for a few years, but then she changed jobs. She never made any effort to stay in touch with me, never mind actually spend any time together, until I got engaged. Then it was very similar to what your friend did! When I announced on facebook after telling close friends and family, she immediately texted me and asked if she was a bridesmaid. When I told her I wanted a very small wedding party, she went on to make passive aggressive remarks about how she hopes my “real friends” have fun, complaining that I had a friend I hadn’t known as long as her in the bridal party, etc. She even texted me the day of the wedding and asked if she could come get ready with us because she wanted to “be there for me.” Honestly, I’m SO glad she wasn’t part of it. I agree with PPs that you definitely dodged a bullet on this one!

Don’t let it get you down – people are going to be rude, and weddings seem to bring it out of people even more. You sent a much nicer response than she deserved!

Post # 15
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I really have yet to figure out why people even care.  And I understand even less why people feel the need to comment about it to the bride (or groom) themselves.  It’s up to you and your Fiance to choose your bridal party.

I don’t think you owed her any explanation, but kudos to you for giving her a ver well worded one. 

I also agree that you probably dodged a bullet here.  If she’s already dramatic over not being in the wedding party, imagine how much more drama would have surfaced had she been included!

Post # 16
5136 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@little_lamb:  its extremely rude when people expect to be in someone’s wedding party.

Don’t worry about it! HAPPY PLANNING!!!!!!

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