- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2011
Please keep in mind I wrote this out of frustration this morning -it’s a joke, not reality. I have not and will not actually say these things to people in this manner, but man, I wish I could sometimes!
Also, yes, each of these things has come up in the past month. 🙂
Dear Potential Wedding Guests,
I would like to take this opportunity to address potential wedding guests who may or may not be invited to our upcoming wedding. First and foremost, this upcoming joyous day – and the events leading up to it (ie, bridal showers, parties, etc.) – is to celebrate my fiancé and I’s lifelong commitment to one another – it is not a family reunion or a frat party. While we would love for (most of you) to be able to attend the wedding and subsequent events, we cannot and will not reschedule any such event because it does not work with your work schedule or because you were invited to another wedding that day. We have examined all aspects of the set dates and these are the dates that work the best for ourselves and our immediate (parents/siblings) families.
While in a perfect world, we would throw a lavish party for anyone who would like to attend, our budget it tight and therefore, there will be restrictions on how many people we can invite. This means our third cousin once removed and our brother’s wife’s parents /siblings will take a back seat to our aunts, uncles and close friends. Co-workers: while I will pretend to not be offended by your prying questions about our personal life and wedding related events at the water cooler, asking intrusive questions will not get you an invitation to the wedding. Additionally, just because you sit three cubical down from me does not entitle you to an invitation.
Dates and plus- one’s are another issue. We will do our best to accommodate everyone’s request for a date, but the only people who will be guaranteed a plus-one will be married/engaged/living together or long-term relationships. Please understand that to you, it is just one person. But if every single guest brought an additional person, this would more than double our food/drink budget as well and increase our space needs, which also cost money. We don’t mean to offend you, but bringing the girl you took home from the bar two weeks ago just so you have a date is not at the top of our priorities in terms of the guest list – especially when you know 1/3 of the people who will be in attendance anyway. Besides – let’s be honest, the girl you took home from the bar was kind of a dog and you’ll probably end up going home with one of the bridesmaids regardless.
In regards to children, while you think your child is the cutest thing on the face of the earth and see a wedding as a chance to show them off in their Sunday best, to us it is another seat and another meal. This is not saying your child is not cute because we spent plenty of time oo-ing and ah-ing over him/her when they were born, but again, space and money is limited. Therefore, if you receive an invitation and it is not addressed to “and family” please do not take it personally and view it as a night away from the kids. We still love your child and will be at their next birthday party with an over-priced present. (Besides, “The Chicken Dance” and “The Hokey Pokey” are on the do-not-play list).
Additionally, if your child does end up being invited to our wedding celebration, it is not our responsibility to invite a babysitter for them. Again, this would increase food/drink and space costs. While we do not yet have children, I can assure you that I will never ask someone to invite a babysitter to their wedding so that I can get wasted at the bar. If you would like to over-indulge in alcohol, please do your child a favor and find them a babysitter and leave them at home rather than your child seeing you in that state. No – it makes no difference to me that you are the brother of either the bride or groom.
Finally, if we or our parents run into you on the street in the months leading up to the sending of the invitations, telling us you are really looking forward to receiving your invitation will not guarantee you an invitation – especially if no one in our family has spoken to you in at least five years. Just because you were our neighbor in 1989 does not mean you are on the guest list. Let’s face it; by you making that comment, it makes us both feel like jackasses – especially when you still won’t get an invitation.
Please keep in mind that we are doing our best to please everyone, but pleasing everyone is not always possible.
The Bride and Groom