- 8 years ago
Dear Friends, Family, Coworkers, and Acquaintances:
I’m just going to come right out and say it.
If you know of a lady in waiting, do not ask her any questions regarding engagement unless she has said something to you about it.
I know you mean well, but to put it frankly, you’re probably doing more harm than good in mentioning it. And especially, do not pull her aside IN FRONT OF her significant other and quietly ask if there have been any developments. On some level, I’m sure he would know what you’re referring to. And if he had no idea? He’d definitely have some idea when he hears his beloved say “No, not yet… I’ll let you know when it happens.” Give the poor guy a break. Regardless where you feel they should be at in their relationship, he IS madly in love with her and wants to be with her forever.
Trust me, even if you’re someone she barely talks to… that doesn’t matter. The second he asks her to be his wife, or the second she even knows ANYTHING remotely close to when that will happen, she will be so happy, she will want to tell the entire world. And she’ll more than likely tell you. I promise you that. I’m sure if she knew anything, you would know as well. This is why you have to vow to stop asking her questions about this subject. Yes, we know you mean well. We know you care about her and want her to be happy.
But I assure you, every single time anything engagement-related is said to her, and the love of her life has yet to ask, it breaks her heart a little inside. Each day that goes by without that taking place is just a reminder of what she wants so badly…and the fact that she just hasn’t had her turn yet. Something that for one reason or another, she has to wait for. Granted, it will be fabulous when it finally does happen, you and I both know she will be giddy with excitement.
However, for the time being, any time you even so much as breathe the words have you guys talked…why doesn’t he want….has he said anything….he should just do it already….what’s taking him so long…
YOU ARE SUCKER PUNCHING HER IN THE STOMACH AND PUTTING A DAGGER INTO HER HEART.
You are NOT helping the situation in any way, shape, or form. In fact, you’re probably making it a little worse, despite your best efforts. All you are doing is reminding her that her man hasn’t picked her officially to be his wife yet, he hasn’t stepped up and made that commitment. And you know what that does to her? It makes her question him. It makes her question their relationship. Even though she has found the man of her dreams and they both KNOW they want to grow old together. All the questions, prodding, and snide comments you make can cause unnecessary pressure and pain in their life together. Do you really want that for her? Do you want her to go home and cry after talking to you? Because more often than she cares to admit, that is something that is a very real possibility. She is already frustrated enough with the waiting, she doesn’t need you to put salt in her wounds. And that is exactly what you do each and every time you mention anything. You are dumping huge amounts of salt in her wounds.
And another thing… why on earth are you even making these comments to her? She is not the one who does the asking (although in some cases she may be). She is not the one who isn’t ready. She cannot read her man’s mind or know his every single thought. SHE IS NOT HIM. So stop asking questions that only pertain to him and what HIS hold up is. Because no matter how many conversations they have had on the subject, good or bad, she cannot ‘make’ him ready. Nor does she want to. She wants him to become 150% ready to be her husband ON HIS OWN ACCORD. She doesn’t want to have to cry, beg, plead, or convince him why they should take this step. She wants him to realize he cannot live without her and just has to make her his wife all by himself.
Believe me, if you can just bite your tongue or say something else when you want to talk about her getting engaged, you will help her out so much. She will feel more relaxed, she won’t have getting engaged on her mind 24 hours a day, and will be able to just BE HAPPY with where they are in their relationship right now. Sure, she will have her down days. But because no one will be asking her about it constantly, interrogating her about things that are completely beyond her control… it won’t be her sole focus.
This is what we want people! Because the second she stops thinking about it all, she feels free and goes back to being the happy-go-lucky, fabulous, amazing woman that her guy fell in love with. And I can bet, that’s when he’ll really start thinking about that next step.
So for future reference, just keep this in mind:
When it happens, you will know. The less you say about anything, the closer she will be to her dream come true.
And perhaps the most important thing to remember:
This is something in her life that is totally beyond her control. It is pointless to ask her why things aren’t happening, or when they will happen, because she has no control over this.
See my point?
Let’s say you took your car in to get worked on, and it was taking longer than you expected. Now, let’s say you know absolutely NOTHING about fixing cars. And I mean nothing. Now you know your car is a very reliable car, but for some reason, it’s just this one thing that’s causing problems with it. Your mechanic is just plain awesome, one of the best. But on this particular visit, he has no idea what’s up with the car. He can’t even so much as give you a timeframe for when it will be done. Though this doesn’t sit well with you, you trust your qualified mechanic. You know he will do his best and get everything sorted. Now I’m sure you’d get frustrated pretty quick if people kept coming up to YOU and asking YOU why it was taking so long for the mechanic to finish, what the hold up was, when it was going to be done, what his reasoning is for it not being done, what’s wrong with him, what kind of mechanic does this, etc. I’m sure you’d be upset if people walked up and suggested to you that you should just up and get rid of both the car and the mechanic with it taking so long.
I want you to think about the above example any time you go to talk to your lady in waiting. Instead of asking about her pending engagement, just ask how she’s doing that day. You’ll keep her happy by doing that. Before you know it, one day when you ask how she is, she’ll beam that her love asked for her hand.
Thanks for reading,
-Lady In Waiting