(Closed) An Ultimatum Was My Only Choice

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t know the ins and outs of your relationship, but that seems very reasonable to me!  I don’t think you made a mistake at all!!  Hope it all works out for you.  How old is your son, now?

Post # 4
Member
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t think you are in the wrong, your reasons especially for your son sound reasonable to me. I think you’re right in not wanting to move all over with a child in tow without beging married as a safety net especially for your son. 

If he’s in it ‘for the worse’ part, you’ll know through the commitment… I really think this needs to be made. Good luck! 

Post # 5
Member
6247 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

Like the PP said, it sounds reasonable to me.  You have to look out for your son as well as yourself.  Having stability and security in your relationship is not wanting too much. 

Do you think his concerns and hesitations are due to the financial situation?

Post # 6
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Actually, I think it’s more than reasonable to be unwilling to move (again) without being engaged, especially when it involves uprooting your child.

 

Post # 7
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

@edub:  I agree – especially if marriage is something you want.

It would be a deal breaker for me. You can’t just sit around and hope he changes his mind about marriage one day, especially if its something you desire in your life. Dating but not getting married is just something i would never be ok with in the long run and if you two cant agree on that aspect then parenting together but seperately might be the best idea ya know? especially since you seem to parent really well together.

his fears are understandable but ultimately you need someone who wants and cherishes marriage as well. I hope he comes around.

Post # 9
Member
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

ring ‘shming 😉 Before I actually thought I was getting a ring at all, I told Darling Husband that I didn’t care about the technicalities of it although he (like your man) seems like he wants to do things ‘right’. Maybe it would help him to know if you’re genuinely ok with not having one, that way the financial pressure is off. Unless you absolutely need a ring to get engaged. (some people do) Maybe this would help him make the choice. 

Post # 11
Member
532 posts
Busy bee

I think you did the right thing. You have been more than patient. Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with PP. You did the right thing. There are only a million and a half excuses as to why he hasn’t proposed yet (not ready, need more money, has to be perfect, etc.) and that’s all well and good. But eventually if he wants to be with you, he’ll have to sack up and ask! I think it’s GREAT that you told him.

Post # 13
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I do think you did the right thing but also please stick to it, otherwise you won’t have a leg to stand on in the future if he doesn’t propose.

Post # 14
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My boyfriend and I will both be turning 27 in a few months, and are just shy of our 3 year anniversary (April 10), so there are commonalities between your relationship and mine. Except, that you have a family with your bf- I would absolutely have done what you did minus 1 year ago! I know my boyfriend already has the ring, but I did have to let him know that I wanted to be married soon (sometimes men just need a little push), I wouldn’t say you gave him an ultimatum; you just expressed your point of view on the situation, and I completely 100% agree with you. He is asking you to make major life changes for him, so why shouldn’t you be allowed to do the same? (Especially when the changes you are asking of him aren’t really changing anything except a title!)

Post # 15
Member
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

If I were in your shoes I would have done the same thing.  You were already talking marriage before you had your child.  You said you hit some rough patches, but you seem to have weathered through them quite well.  Hopefully he just needed a kick in the pants (not that you were rough or anything) to realize that he could lose you.  I hope everything works out for you.  I’d be surprised if it didn’t.

Post # 16
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I also agree with all the other ladies.  You did the right thing by giving your bf an ultimatum.  I wish you all the luck!

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