Post # 1
When I sent out my invitations months ago I sent one to a family, let’s call them the Smith’s, my family has been friends with forever. The invitation was addressed to Mr and Mrs Smith and family. All of the 3 children still live at home but are older. One of the daughters is engaged, and is bringing her fiance which I expected. But then I saw that the other daughter is bringing her Joe Somebody. Maybe I would feel differently if we had more room, or if she had had this boyfriend for awhile, or maybe if I had even heard of this boyfriend before I read his name on the return card. What is protocol? I think my parents would have put the kabash on that had I tried something like that for one of our friends weddingd. Any thoughts?
Post # 3
It wasn’t exactly polite of them, but an “And family” invitation is pretty vague, too. They may have just assumed it was okay for her to bring her boyfriend if everybody else is going, too.
Post # 4
I would call them and let them know that as of now you are unable to accomodate the daughters bf.
Would you let him come if you got a declined RSVP and had room? Or do you not want Joe somebody there at all. Whatever the case… It is totally understandable.
Post # 5
@ Ms. Caniche – I guess the problem is not the room it is the fact that less than a month ago she didn’t even have this boyfriend. Just seems werid to have a complete random. He probably heard of me for the first time when she asked him to come!
@ ejs4y8 – I know it was vague to send an “and family” card. It was one of those weird etiquette things. I didn’t want to not include the fiance on the address but I would never invite him seperately, but…just weird. I guess it is what it is!
Post # 6
Then you have every right to let them know that you cannot accomadate him. They will understand. Especially since their daughter is engaged and may be going throught he same things soon.
Post # 7
I am going through a similar situation. I had someone literally write “+2 children” on the RSVP card. They wrote it after the line that reads “We have reserved 2 seats in your honor”! Wth, WHO DOES THAT?? Grrrrr… we’re having an ADULT reception for crying out loud!
I had my dad deal with it since it’s one of HIS friends that I’ve never met, but apparently HAD to invite. Double Grrrrr!
Post # 8
Technically if the children were older they’d have received their own invitation. So daughter 1 would have received an invitation (no +Guest) and daughter 2 would have received one (including her fiance). I’d just eat this one….it just seems like a mess to deal with, honestly. Especially if you think you have any guests who won’t come…i’d just play a switcharoo a little.
Post # 9
To deal with this, we put “We have reserved ___ seats in your honor” on our RSVP cards. It felt a little weird to do this, but when I hear stories like yours I’m glad we did so, because we truly have no space for unexpected guests. I know this suggestion isn’t helpful to you, @calbride, since your invites already went out, but its a potential solution for others that might be worried about this.
If you don’t have space, I think its appropriate to call and politely explain the situation – that you didn’t reserve space for the extra guest because you did not know about the boyfriend when you made the guest list (presumably before they even started dating.)
Post # 10
We ended up with the same situation. Luckily it was my FI’s family so he told his mother to handle it. That’s probably not the most mature way to handle it, but oh well. She doesn’t seem to be upset that her new bo can’t come, so it worked out alright. I hope the same goes for you!
Post # 11
Yea that would really irk me! We are saving plus 1s only for engaged couples or couples that have been together a long time, not just a date for the wedding or a recent bf/gf. I would call and politely tell them that sorry, that yall didnt plan for him attending and that the guest list unfortunately wont accommodate. Hopefully, theyll understand and if not, o well. My parents would have never let me just invite a recent bf to a wedding, it wold have been polite if they had asked, even if you still said no.
I just dont get why people think when they see a RSVP card, its a free for all when adding whomever they want!