(Closed) An unhappy proposal – ring drama?

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
3585 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@IndyCat:  Sweetie, I’m sorry for this. Sometimes surprises are a PITA.

 

I’m sure you can salvage this, not sure how exactly. But I can see that both of you have reasonable point of view.

 

Surely he can exchange the ring for one that is more your style. If you aren’t caaught up in jewelry, could you get something very very plain and classy? and, perhaps, less expensive than the one he got?

 

Post # 4
Member
3468 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think the fact that he really tried should show you how much he loves you and even on his tight budget he wanted to do something nice for you. Now that being said maybe you can exchange it for something more your style. Just don’t get too caught up in it because yes its a ring you will have forever and you should love it, but remember he took the time to find it and it was a symbol of his love for you so maybe let him calm down and maybe you can go together to pick out something more your style. BUT make sure you thank him for his act of kindness before bringing up exchanging it. Men want recognition for their actions which is probably more the problem than the ring itself- but i could be wrong

Post # 6
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@IndyCat:  Yikes.

 

Well, it sounds like he is super hurt. I’m of the school that if anyone ever gives me a gift, I will love it. Especially something of this magnitude. I just don’t think I could ever bring myself to follow up a proposal with “but it’s not really my style”, even if asked. But I just think of it in terms of the meaning behind the ring, not the ring itself.

 

Obviously, none of that helps you in this situation lol, I’m just rambling.

 

I think his ego and his heart has been a bit hurt by this. I think you need to just let it all cool down for a day or so and then re-address.

Post # 7
Member
3468 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

what is it about the ring that you don’t like? or i should say what style did you want vs what did you get? And you need to be VERY careful what you say to him right now. He is extremely hurt. Don’t feel like you need to question everything he is just being defensive in my opinion

Post # 8
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Well, you said it wasnt your style, but do you like it at all?? If you do, then honestly I would just wear it! It will make him over the moon excited and happy if you tell him something like: you know, it osnt what I would have picked out for myself but it is still a really beautiful ring and I love the fact that YOU picked it because you wanted to make me happy, and that is honestly what matters to me! I am really sorry I reacted so badly, I was thinking of a lot of things and how much you must have sacrificed to get it for me and I felt guilty for putting you through this instead of happy and honored as I know you wanted me to be. I know you are still mad and have every right to be, when you’re ready to talk please come find me ok? 

 

 

Now OP don’t question your relationship, he probably did do a lot to get you the ring and is just very hurt, the words he said to his mom were probably fueled by anger and resentment and not how he really feels.

 

Post # 9
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Maybe he shouldn’t ask questions if he doesn’t want an honest answer!

Post # 10
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@IndyCat:  I would say it is an immature reaction which may mean that getting married right now may not be the best thing to do. Your married life could be full of these hissy fits.

Post # 11
Member
3283 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@minipenguin:  This is lovely advice. OP, listen to this smart, gracious lady!

Post # 13
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@indiecat:  omg sorry I didnt mean YOU were having a hissy fit..I meant him…  

Post # 14
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It sounds like he is very hurt, but more concerning than that to me is the way he’s expressing that hurt (ie. with threats and immaturity rather than honest adult discussion).

I understand that his feelings are hurt so you need to tread carefully to rebuild that with him.  Did you say you wouldn’t wear it, or you didn’t put it on? 

Post # 16
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

Wait a minute … Before OP goes kissing her S/O’s backside here … She stated they talked about this, and she didn’t want him spending money for a ring with other expenses looming (child support); she didn’t say she wouldn’t marry him, just that the ring wasn’t her style; and she was honest with him about it. I wouldn’t encourage her to go digging at him about it right this minute, and yes it was thoughtful of him to surprise her, but she is part of this relationship and is entitled to her feelings as well. Sure, he can be a little miffed/hurt right now … But if he keeps whining about this without acknowledging her feelings as well, then I say he is being a little immature. She SHOULD be able to voice her honest feelings to him without having to overly “sugarcoat” them (or deny her own feelings) so his feelings aren’t hurt (not saying be a $itch about it, mind you). 

If he cannot handle honesty from her about a piece of jewelry, he is probably not mature enough/ready for marriage just yet, as marriage will demand honesty on MANY levels.

The topic ‘An unhappy proposal – ring drama?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors