(Closed) An unhappy proposal – ring drama?

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 212
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

just exchange it for something you like. i always encourage couples to go ring shopping first so that way everyone is happy

Post # 213
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ugh, I’m sorry. I donno what’s eating your Fiance, but if it is really about a ring then he has serious issues.

What I think a normal person would do in his situation was say, “ok honey, let’s pick out somehting you like instead.”

I do quite like the idea of the “fairy tale” proposal of getting amazing ring by surprize, but that’s not reality.  Most guys need to be told what they should buy.

But I must say that you also have issues: “I don’t think there’s anything worse than giving a woman jewelry that doesn’t fit.

Really? really?  Are you serious? There is nothing worse than giving a woman jewelry that doesn’t fit?? Well count yourself VERY blesses becasue I can think of probably a million things worse.  By The Way rings are totally resizable.

Post # 214
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@IndyCat:  I didn’t read the entire thread, maybe the first 3 pages.  Take this for what you will, but a 36 year old previously married with children to look after should not be acting like this.  Should you have been more tactful?  Maybe.  But does that give him a right to talk about you behind your back?  No.  Does that give him a right to do things that are INTENTIONALLY hurtful to you?  No.  Does that give him a right to tell you he won’t wear a wedding ring?  No.  These are big red flags to me.  A grown man should not be acting like this.  And since you said he’s doing his “usual” cooling off thing…it seems that he does this often enough that you know what his “usual” method is.  This would be a clear sign that things are not right.  There should be no “usual” way to cool down!

As for you getting angry – I can’t tell if you are equally as hot-headed or not.  But if you guys want to get married and stay married, I suggest that you seek counseling.  Nothing about what you’re saying seems healthy to me.

Post # 215
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

I would never tell my Fiance that the ring he gave me wasn’t what I wanted. It wasn’t… but he spent a lot of time picking out a ring for me, that I knew it would hurt his feelings if I didn’t like it. I’ve had the ring for seven months now, and I love it so much because he picked it out with me specifically in mind, and he did so with love.

 

Also, this is what I wanted:

 

this is what I got:

Post # 216
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

Okay so I just read the first page and then went back and read a couple updates… WHAT? He’s acting like you slapped him in the face, stomped on the ring, and slept with his best friend. He is being incredibly immature…. over something that is materialistic. What if something serious happened between you two? Just something to think about…

Post # 217
Member
745 posts
Busy bee

There is nothing wrong with you openly communicating your feelings/opinion to him.  Even an engagement ring – ESPECIALLY an engagement ring!  For goodness sakes, you’re going to theoretically be wearing it for like 60 years!  If I was your Fiance I would want you to LOVE it!  And if you don’t…then I’d find you one that you DO love.

I think it is true that men “wear their pride” through their intended’s engagement ring, so to speak.  And it probably was hurtful to hear that it wasn’t your style…but like another poster said…put on your freakin big boy pants and grow up.  Why don’t you go together and look for another ring?  You could make it into a joint effort and it might lessen the tension.  

Also…the thing that struck me as odd is the “usual” cooling off method…like, how often does he pull this sort of crap?  If my DH had to go “cool off” and watch one of “our” shows by himself…AND said he wouldn’t wear a wedding ring from me…I’d be pissed.  Actually, I’d be nuclear at that point.  Not to harp on it or anything, but if he’s 36 and paying child support and still communicates/acts this childishly, you need to think twice.  This is the advice I would want from a good friend.  You need to have a serious talk with him like yesterday, before you get married.  Before you decide to stay engaged even.  Don’t let him manipulate your emotions this way.  

Good luck sweetie!  <hugs>

Post # 219
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

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@IndyCat:  OMG girl….I am so sorry, but I am happy to say you have dodged a bullet. This guy sounds TOXIC as hell! Check out http://www.manipulative-people.com and see if he matches up with that personality type. 

Ugh. I know you’re hurting, but this is best for the long run! *hugs*

Post # 220
Member
3666 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

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@IndyCat:  creepy awful this is, gads. I’m so sorry.

 

Post # 221
Member
2944 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@IndyCat:  Oh. My. God. That is just insane. Yeah, he has clearly been holding back some crazy shit. ((Hugs)) Geez I’m so sorry it went down that way. Is there anywhere you can go? You need to get away from the toxic environment for a bit.

 

There’s a saying I learned from the Hive that I really love…when someone shows you who he is, believe him. This has gone from over the top to borderline crazy. A grown ass man does NOT throw a volcanic shit fit and call his Fiance names over a freaking ring. Fine, if he has really been so unhappy over time, he should have tangible reasons and examples. However, you say he doesn’t have any of those for you. He just seems so insanely hurt over the ring incident. I wonder if mommy is feeding his reaction. 

Post # 222
Member
508 posts
Busy bee

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@IndyCat:  There is clearly WAY more to this than your ring style comment. Sorry he is snowballing into a bigger ass than he was at first, but Indy – its better to find out now before you are married vs afterward. I hate to ask this, but is it possible there is someone else? Is his mom a control freak who doesn’t care for you? Is his baby momma causing issues over him remarrying? Something besides this ring is causing this because even the most unreasonable men I know wouldn’t react this way to a little truth they solicited. Initial anger or hurt, perhaps … Calling off the wedding … No way. Something else is going on. You may not ever find out, but if he is going to react like this over little crap, he is not mature enough for marriage and all the big stuff that comes with it. The idea is that you might *have* a child with him, not be marrying one.

 

So sorry you are going through this … Almost makes me wonder if he didn’t do it on purpose to blame you for ending the relationship. Getting you a ring he knew you wouldn’t like when you stated you didn’t want one anyway, flipping out like a child when asking if you like it and don’t … Seems a little fishy to me.

Post # 223
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

Exacty what I was going to say: dodged a bullet. DO NOT marry this guy. I know you won’t base your life on what strangers online say, but he is not good for you or for anyone. Scary!

Post # 224
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper

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@IndyCat:  what the hell?! I feel so bad for you. He sounds like he has serious issues. I think you’re better off without someone so immature!

Post # 225
Member
2944 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@JoCoJenn:  I’ve been silently cheering for your comments on this thread, and I’m doing it again. Total +1, OP.

Post # 226
Member
1456 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

This guy sounds INSANE! If I were you I would be sorta happy that he’s given you an out, take it OP!! This is how he treats you when he has his feelings hurt? He is making the most gigantic mountain out of a molehill. Leave! Then in 6 months or a year or whatever when he’s telling his friends “yeah we were engaged and she said no ring and I didn’t have the money for one anyway but I bought her one and it was a surprise and she hated it! So I dumped that no-good honest, frugal lady! Haha, awesome right?” And they look at him like what the fuck is wrong with you, he’ll realize he made a mistake.

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