(Closed) An unhappy proposal – ring drama?

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 77
Member
674 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

View original reply
@keranos:  It makes complete sense. In a logical comparison, the logic is in the statement, not in the details. You should be able to replace the words ring or fur coat with any word (shoes, hat, apple, whatever) and it would still make logical sense. Which, in this, case it does. 

If Fiance give you X, and X is not your style, you should be able to say so and not have to fake or lie about liking it. That’s part of an honest relationship.

View original reply
@keranos:  

Post # 78
Member
674 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

You know, this is turning into a battle regarding everyone’s opinion on how she should have reacted and really it isn’t helping regarding the predicament she is in now. What’s done is done, already. Sheesh.

Post # 79
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Motor museum

View original reply
@JoCoJenn:  Well I complete agree with that, am not sure what I have said to make you think I don’t?

I think that if this is an ongoing issue it should have been addressed way before this ring issue. However, OP handled this badly and her Fiance is perfectly entitled to talk to his Mum.

You cannot compare. This is an engegement ring – not a pair of shoes. It is very important to the person giving. I can’t even comprehend how heartbroken my DH would have been if I had said the ring wasn’t too my taste.

Post # 80
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Motor museum

View original reply
@BluePeaches:  What about hurting feelings though? OP Fiance probably spent a long time looking and planning. We can’t just all blurt what we want without any thought for the feelings of other. Or can we use honesty as a justification for hurting others? I agree if it was a pair of shoes you could say, but not the ring in my opinion.

Post # 81
Member
729 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@AlyssasMom:   I could hug you … 200% on point…. Being an older bride to be n mother of three teenage kid, I  tell them all the time that life struggles are constant, life decisions a revolving door , but love is forever and the only thing that won’t change unless there are conditions placed on that love.  In every marriage , it’s a love hate at times and toooo many ppl today throw in the towel ending a relationship at the first chance they get. OP will get past this, 

I applaude you for putting a firm level head perspective to this problem.

Post # 82
Member
1334 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

View original reply
@JoCoJenn:  no it’s not about the gift. It’s about repecting your SO more than your materialistic preferences sometimes. And personally I think this is one of those situations. 

Post # 83
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Motor museum

View original reply
@Adams_bee:  Apologies Adam Bee, but will you allow me to + 1 you once again 😀

Post # 84
Member
6738 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
@AlyssasMom:  +1,000,000

This is the best advice.

It’s just a ring.  Honesty is normally always the best policy, but this is definitely something you should have known he would have been hurt over.  He obviously went to great lengths to get you something he thought was important – even if it’s not your style, it’s already been purchased.  Unless he said, “Do you not like it – because I can exchange it for another one?” which is NOT what happened.  He wanted your approval and I totally get why he’s butthurt over it.

His reaction is also wrong.  But, I agree w/ AlyssasMom – you should be the bigger person here. 

Good luck!

Post # 85
Member
1334 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

View original reply
@AlyssasMom:  you’re AWESOME.

Post # 86
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@Adams_bee:  Sure, the giver chooses a gift, but I also think it’s ridiculous for the giver to choose a gift that he already knows the recipient specifically does not want and then get mad when she doesn’t gush over it. Seriously, how does that make sense?

View original reply
@jmaze:  I think her Fiance is definitely making a bigger deal out of material things than she is. They’re engaged already. They’ll be engaged whether she wears a ring or not. They already discussed it and she said she doesn’t want a ring. He’s the one trying to make the ring, the material thing, into a big deal when in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter. Why should she have to wear a ring she doesn’t want and doesn’t like because he thinks the inanimate object is some super special symbol of their engagement?

Post # 87
Member
1334 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

View original reply
@keranos:  WE’RE ON FAYAH!

 

haha.

 

Post # 88
Member
674 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

View original reply
@keranos:  If someone asks for an opinion, I provide an honest one. If I am afraid of an honest answer, I don’t ask for an opinion. She didn’t say anything mean; I suppose in retrospect she could have just commented on how sparkly it was or something and skirted around actually answering him. And then what? Not wear it? “Lose” it? 

Really, now that I think about it, I was in a similar situation with my first husband. He proposed to me with a ring that was completely not my style but I didn’t say anything. Still, I kept wondering why he would get me such a ring since it was nothing like anything I wore or commented on liking. I took it off once we got married and never wore it again. I actually have no idea what happened to it, maybe he took it back when we separated. 

In retrospect I see that ring choice as foreshadowing to our marriage. He wanted to get me a ring, but he didn’t care enough to get me a ring that I would want. He just wanted to get me what he wanted, and well, that is not how gifts are supposed to work. He wanted to be able to say “look at that ring I got her”.

I wonder if OPs FI’s real motivation for getting the ring was because people were criticizing him or putting pressure on him for not getting her a ring. That would explain why he went against her wishes of not getting her one, did not seem to carefully take into consideration the style and design she would love, and bought it despite financial hardships and was agreed that it was an unnecssary purchase. 

Post # 89
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
@AlyssasMom:  Great advice. That being said, I differentiate between honesty and the need to blurt out every negative thought that crosses someone’s mind in the name of honesty. I think these 2 different sets of communication don’t generally mesh really well and sometimes, you have to make a choice between the ability to be very blunt at all times or whether you can forego it in the name of sparing someone’s feelings.

Post # 90
Member
977 posts
Busy bee

@Scc6a  If you say so. I wasn’t there for the proposal, nor their fight, nor do I know them in person to personally judge. Only going by what the OP originally said, we don’t know his side…right?  She didn’t like the ring, She hurt his feelings.  I’d be hurt too if I gave my Fiance something and he said he didn’t like it. Especially something like an engagement ring – something that one takes the time to research, purchase and plan to propose…. I’m 38 years old.  I’ve been married before. I’ve been through this.  I had a ring that “wasn’t my style” but I wore it proudly for 10-11 years without hurting my xDH’s feelings.  EVER.  

 

 

 

Post # 91
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@jmaze:  Sure, I wasn’t there for the proposal either, but I’m also going by what the OP said, and she said that she specifically told him she did not want a ring. It’s completely nonsensical for a person to be hurt that someone isn’t gushing over a gift they said they did not want. Your situation is totally different, unless you had also told your ex-husband you did not want a ring at all.

If my husband and I saw a dress in a store and I said, “I do not want that dress,” and then he bought it for me, I would be completely baffled and confused and would feel no obligation to wear it. Also some guys are evolved enough to actually want their Fiance to speak up if she don’t like her engagement ring so she can get one she actually does like, but apparently this guy is not one of them. When I buy someone a gift I want them to like it. If they don’t I want them to exchange it.

The topic ‘An unhappy proposal – ring drama?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors