(Closed) An uninvited guest RSVP'd to our wedding. Need advice.

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1926 posts
Buzzing bee

@greenfishie:  I would first ask him why he’s not bringing his wife… cause that’s bizarre. 

Post # 4
3093 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’d also talk to the guest, not to find out deets but just to clarify that the wife was invited and to make sure she was declining her invite…and that the husband was asking to bring a guest.  If that was in fact the case I’d just adjust the guest list.

Post # 5
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Did he and his wife separate? This happened with my brother’s wedding – a cousin had literally just separated from his wife less than a week beforehand, so when he brought his daughter instead, he secretly told us his marital issues (which were not yet public).

Post # 6
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

A daughter maybe??? Strange. Are they your aquaintences or your parents? I would have whoever knows them best find out who she is first. 

Post # 7
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@musician32992: +1

OP, the bigger issue here is that a married man is considering bringing a mystery woman to a wedding. I might would check that out first before I wonder about what is or is not offensive.  

Post # 8
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@greenfishie:  You reserved two seats for Mr. and Mrs. Mean Husband. Not for Mr. Mean Husband and Possible Mistress (?). (Sorry I’m getting creative with names here)

I wouldn’t like it either and would contact him saying something like “We recieved your RSVP and just want to  let you know that although “two seat were reserved in your honor”, we invited you and your wife. If you’re wife is not going to attend I’m sorry to say that we would rather you not bring someone else. We are keeping the reception intimate in where we know everyone attending and have a personal relationship with them.”

I’m not sure how to be polite in that situation. 

Post # 9
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@greenfishie:  I wouldn’t want to start possible issues with opinion here, but may I ask if you know this couple as a item equally or do you know the husband and the wife through him?

Secondly, I would be wary in allowing a possible mistress to your wedding if you are friends with the wife, she could be hurt that you had the mistress at your wedding and you could be brought into their issues. 


Post # 10
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

The invited gentleman absolutely is wrong  for having done what he did.

However, you did not do yourself any favors by using the “we have reserved two seats in your honor” language. 

Unfortunately, that sword cuts both ways, and someone could — and did — obviously misconstrue it to mean that you literally had reserved two seats for him, and he now would like to bring this other person instead of his wife to fill the other seat. I strongly dislike this language, because it doesn’t make sense to reserve seats for people who are not going to accept your invitation. I do understand why couples insist upon doing this, but, based on a number of posts I’ve seen on WB, it seems to do little or nothing to prevent the type of activity which it clearly is intended to prevent.

Fortunately, etiquette does permit you to call the gentleman in question and politely clarify that he and guest ____________ were invited but you’re afraid that you are unable to accommodate any extra guests.  Unfortunately, the fact that you have already assured him in writing that you had reserved two seats for him may complicate this explanation.

Post # 11
7872 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@greenfishie:  Phone and clarify. If the husband is the main guest (i.e. the husband not the wife is the blood relative or closer friend, which sounds like the case), and if he has separated, then (a) his wife should certainly not be invited, and (b) in my opinion he can bring his new partner.

(Unless you are inviting married and long term partners only. Bottom line is you treat him like any other guest: if you are inviting partners, then you invite his partner whoever she is. If you are not inviting recent partners, then he goes solo like all the other people who are single or with new partners).

Post # 13
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@greenfishie:  Since you named the 2 specefic guests that were invited, I’m going to go ahead and say HELL NO.

Call him and see what the situation is. if you are not comfortable with his substitute, say so and tell him he can’t bring whoever this chick is.

Post # 16
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

He obviously is hoping you won’t call him on this. Is it more uncomfortable to call him and ask about it or have this random girl at your wedding?

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