(Closed) An uninvited guest RSVP'd to our wedding. Need advice.

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 122
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I wonder if they are separated and for some reason he assumes you know or else doesn’t think he needs to tell. Bizarre. 

Post # 123
Member
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@greenfishie:  As I said in my first reply (post 10), the important thing is to treat him the same as all other guests. If no other recent partners are invited (as you said in post 13), he gets the same treatment.

My guess is he is upset because he thinks you are judging his lifestyle. If you haven’t already done so, phone him back and explain that it is not about judging him, but it is because no short term bfs/gfs are being invited and it is the same rule for everyone.

Post # 124
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wow, just caught up on this thread now! What a crazy and awkward situation for you OP… I would DEFINITELY be contacting the wife to see if she knows what’s going on, but my guess is that she does.. It would be a really bold move to bring your mistress to the wedding of a mutual friend if the wife really had no idea what was going on.

Post # 125
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

This is an insane situation. But, at this point, you just risk feeding the crazy by engaging with him further on this. Who knows? Maybe their marriage has been over or on the decline for awhile now. Maybe the wife has moved on as well (I would actually think giving up the dogs might be a red flag). It sounds like you would have to delve into a very painful part of their marriage in order to get to the bottom of this and is it really worth it. I agree with the previous poster who suggested resending an invitation to the wife just so she knows she is still invited.

Bur here’s the problem with disinviting him; if you do that, you’re basically picking sides in the end of his marriage. And that seems like a drastic thing to do until you have the full story. I would just stop discussing this with everyone unless you’re prepared to cut ties with this guy. If he comes to your wedding with this woman, that will be proof of the situation. 

And I know it might seem like this guy is deliberately trying to hijack your wedding and make it all about him. But it doesn’t sound like he’s that kind of personality, or else this wouldn’t be so surprising. And, trust me, no one will be in doubt that your wedding is about you and your Fiance. I think it’s likely he won’t even come given how awkward this is.

Post # 126
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I can’t believe he’s telling your mutual friends that you uninvited him and making YOU and Fiance look like the bad guys. You need to tell those friends that you invited him and his wife but he wants to bring his mistress/piece of ass instead of his WIFE and you aren’t cool with it. Let them make their own judgements of him but at least you won’t look like the bad guy, which is what he’s making you guys look like.

Post # 127
Member
3073 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@greenfishie:  Somewhere in this long thread someone referred to your event as a destination wedding.

Ok–now I completely understand the guy. Hell yes, I’d rather bring my boyfriend than my husband to a vacation wedding, who wouldn’t?!!! hahahahaha!

Post # 128
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I was a bridesmaid in a destination wedding last year and my fiancé (who was my boyfriend at the time) couldn’t go. All the rooms at the resort were for 2 people, so i was going to be charged the same amount for the room whether it was just me or 2 of us. Since I live far away from the couple and would be traveling from another city, I took my stepdad, who she had not met. I did not want to fly by myself and couldn’t really afford the trip on my own. Everyone loved my stepdad and every time I see her family they ask how he is doing.  You should consider the fact that destination weddings are very expensive and usually people need to share a room. You never know, you might end up really liking this mystery girl!

Also, I agree with all of those who said you should not assume the man is cheating!

Post # 129
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Sorry, I didn’t realize there were other pages of comments, and after reading the other comments my last post doesn’t make sense! Just ignore it lol.

Post # 130
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee

Just want to raise this argument – he isn’t a mind-reader, and probably doesn’t know that it’s an intimate wedding, in his mind, he probably assumes its a big shindig and this woman would go unnoticed. But still, what the Eff? Who is she?

Post # 131
Member
2478 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

Nah. I am heartless and say SOUND THE ALARM! Tell everyone. Fuck it. He is already lieing. You are telling the truth. You can never go wrong with the truth. Break out that Scarlett A. A wedding is not the appropriate time to introduce yout MISTRESS!

If this dude is your real driend, you should be able to call him out on it. I think a “yo, dude, wtf?” Is in order

Post # 132
Member
6 posts
Newbee

@Sapphire-Dreamer:  I’m with you on this! There’s no need to hide what he’s doing. If the people he’s bad mouthing the OP to ask wtf is going on, tell them the truth! There’s no reason to protect his shameful behaviour. If he didn’t want it out, well, perhaps he shouldn’t have done it in the first place. Don’t be nasty or vindictive, of course (not that I think you would, OP. You seem like you’ve been very fair and considerate in this issue). Just don’t lie or protect him in any way. Sounds like his true colours are coming out.

Sorry you’re having to deal with all of this, OP. It’s definitely not the kind of stress a bride needs!

Post # 133
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

OP – wow! There’s not much more to say, what a terrible position to put you in.

You’re much nicer than me – I’d be reading this guy the riot act, especially if he’s lying to mutual friends & misrepresenting why you guys approached him about the RSVP etc.

Good luck!

Post # 134
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Sapphire and Foxy hit the nail right on the head! SHOUT.IT.OUT. You’re “friend” is creepy AND A creep. If you dont want to blast him then uninvite him to your wedding forreal and when people as you why simply say “I dont condone his actions and will not show approval by having him and his “friend” attend.” #BOOM

Post # 135
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@greenfishie:  WOW. Not only does it sound like this guy doesn’t belong at your wedding, but if he has no qualms about trashing your name, maybe he doesn’t belong in your life. Honestly, he sounds like a scumbag (not just for this, but talking behind your back), and you are 100% right that your wedding is not the appropriate platform for him to publicly showcase his new lady friend.

Post # 136
Member
946 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Now that he’s lying to all your friends and making you look bad, I think it’s time for the gloves to come off…in a careful manner.  Do you have someone in your social group who is a big mouth gossip?  Get together with that person, casually vent to them about all your wedding stress, including these details.  That way all your friends end up knowing the truth, but you still look good becuase you weren’t the one that told everyone.

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