- 8 years ago
Take off your pants.
Take off your pants.
Dear Future Mother-In-Law,
I don’t know what it is about you, but everytime you walk in the room I can feel my blood pressure rise. I can’t believe you didn’t take the hint from SO about us spending my first mother’s day as a family i.e me, him and baby. Not you too!
Dear PMS Cravings,
Listen bitch, stop sending my mouth suggestives ideas about all the salty, carb-y, sexy, sweet stuff it could be doing right now. My mouth has been good you hear me? And it doesn’t need your crazy phone calls about brownies and chocolate covered pretzels. So, why don’t you back the F- up and get your own mouth and leave mine alone. Cuz we have a good things going on here, my mouth gets taken care of with fruits, veggies and healthy salads and doesn’t need to be messing with that slutty Little Debbie or that Mrs. Fields whore. OK?
Dear in laws,
I anonymously use my experience with you in my life as ‘how not to act’ in papers and studies I did in school for my social studies and human behavior classes. My professors were genuinely horrified and I have no idea how my friends would feel if they knew the people in the example were you in disguise and these events happened to me. At least the experiences got me straight a’s though.
Also, how are you able to sleep at night and somehow justify verbally and emotionally abusing your son and daughter in law to the point where they both need therapy and distance to maintain a normal sense of peace? How do you call yourselves Christians when your idols are money and how others see you? The past five months of not seeing you or talking to you have honestly been very healing for us and I don’t think you will ever be invovled in our future life together. I have never been happier with you all out of the picture. thank you for not being there and allowing us to move on with life as best we can.
– rising above the circumstances
Dear People Parking in the Fire Lane EVERYDAY,
Yes, it sucks when the city tickets you. It even sucks when that ticket is over $300. It even sucks when you happen to park there for “two minutes” every day and back up the HUNDREDS of other cars trying to drive by. You want to know what would have prevented thousands of dollars in tickets and suspended licences? LISTENING TO THE PEOPLE ASKING YOU NOT TO PARK THERE.
I love you dearly, but I have two complaints. One, the thermostat is not meant to be set just above freezing. I no longer can put on makeup in the house after cold nights because my hands cannot defrost in time. Secondly, the cupboard doors are NOT meant to stay open. I have a large bruise this time, but next time I will just take all the damned doors off!!
Dear acquaintances who never really cared that I existed before I became engaged,
No, you’re not invited.
Stop treating my sister like a piece of garbage. She moved in with you to help you until dear grandma passed. She passed. Now get off your ass and get a job and take care of your damn self and leave sister alone. She has a husband of her own and a four year old that need her attention. You’re nothing but a selfish, lying, manipulative bitch who has entitlement issues. We are all tired of your “woe is me” act. We have put up with your BS for over 20 years. Let us live our lives as we wish. Stop stealing, lying, and trying to cheat everyone you contact with.
ps-your invite was lost in the mail
am i even your daughter in real life because we have nothing in common. i’m not a BIIIIItch
pps- why wont someone read the will? we know you’re hiding something. step away from the food stamps and put the remote down. i promise you im not taking care of you in your old age. promise.
Dear Horse Ebooks,
Thanks for the LOLs.
33. Nicaragua, owners and late masters of Norwegian steamship.
Dear Upper Management,
The memos you put out are an embarrassment to anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of the English language. As much as my coworkers and I enjoy correcting your ridiculous grammatical errors, we have our own work to do. Please find someone with a brain and spellcheck to translate your gibberish from now on.
Dear Folks at Work,
No need to comment on every single article of clothing I wear every day. It starts off as a compliment, which is sweet, but after a while, I feel dissected and awkward.
You act like a girl and have worse hormonal swings than anyone I’ve ever met. Stop taking your bad days out on me and learn to grow the ef up. Just because your wife treats you like shit doesnt mean you can come to work and treat me the same way. Oh, and NO you did not forget about me asking for the day off you just didnt want me to go. Stop doing that, you selfish terd.
You pissed off and fed up assistant.
The topic ‘An unopened letter to the World’ is closed to new replies.