Post # 1
I posted this thread yesterday: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/how-to-tell-the-bride-youre-not-paying-for-makeup
I called the bride last night and tried to explain to her that I just couldn’t justify the cost of having my makeup professionally done. I told her I was more than confident in applying my own makeup and she exploded.
She screamed at me at the top of her lungs. She told me people would be able to tell that I didn’t have my makeup professionally done and that it would ruin her pictures. Her pictures that she is going to have for the rest of her life. Then she told me if I didn’t want to pay the $85, I shouldn’t be in the wedding. I told her that if it meant so much to her, she should pay.
Apparently she can’t afford to do that. She went on to tell me that she wasn’t asking too much ($380 for the dress, makeup, shoes and hair). When I said I thought it was, it set her off even further.
She threw in my face the fact that she showed up to all of my wedding-related events even when all my actual bridesmaids didn’t. Then she told me I “cut corners” in my wedding by not having the girls pay to get their makeup done.
I get it. Emotions run high and sometimes we say things that we don’t mean. I’ve been there but I can’t stop thinking about how selfish and underhanded she has been through all of this. I mean, we’re adults. I’m sorry if she “holds it all in” and then explodes. There is no reason to speak to someone you call your friend the way she spoke to me last night.
I’m done. With all of it. You’re not supposed to have to work this hard at being friends with someone. You’re not supposed to treat your friends like sh*t. I hate to leave on this note and be “that person,” but I’m dreading everything about this wedding. I’m certainly not going to be able to stand up at her reception and deliver some heartfelt toast.
So, my plan is to drop out.
Post # 3
You’re not supposed to have to work this hard at being friends with someone.
Exactly. I’d like my BMs to have their makeup professionally done, but I understand that being a Bridesmaid or Best Man can be quite an expense so I am paying for the makeup artist to do everyone’s. Exploding on a friend because they can’t afford $85 for makeup is really out of line.
Post # 4
That’s very sad for you. Sounds like this wedding is a bit much, but I hope you’ll be able to repair your friendship with the bride when all is said and done. I totally think she over reacted to your call, I bet nobody would notice her professional makeup at all.
Post # 5
I was literally in shock when she started screaming. I was like, “Are you kidding? Ha-ha…” She made it very clear that she wasn’t.
Post # 6
I think that’s probably best – it sounds like this friendship is on its last legs at this point. What a crazypants. It’s not really about the money (I actually think that $380 is pretty reasonable for what you’re talking about), but her attitude.
Of course, I could be biased. I’ve just decided that my sister’s wedding this summer is the last wedding I’ll be in, at least for a long while. Between DH and me, we’ll have stood up in 6 weddings over the course of a year and spent more than I want to say on wedding party expenses. It’s expensive and time-consuming and stressful, even if you don’t have drama like this chick is creating.
Post # 7
how tragic. I would do the exact same thing. Hopefully she realizes what she said and how she acted was TERRIBLE 🙁
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Give it a few days and see how things go. She may wake-up, realize she is being a bit of a ‘zilla, and apologize.
Post # 9
I would drop out too! She sounds like she is having a lot of trouble dealing with wedding stress, and taking it out on you. Not someone I want to be around on her wedding day. Ugh!
Post # 10
+1 I’d consider giving it a few days to see if she comes to her senses. Then, if she doesn’t apologize, I think it’s understandable for you to drop out, since she pretty much didn’t give you the option to *not* have your make up done AND it’s so unreasonable for her to be insisting on it. But she might still come around and realize how badly she treated you. I’m really sorry you’re in this position, it’s very unfair.
Post # 11
Sounds like she had a meltdown! Is it possible she had a bad day & just snapped? Not that justifies the way she spoke to you. But if she’s really your friend you’ll give her the benefit of the doubt give it a few days & try to talk to her. If the friendship has run its course then just let it go. If you drop out of her wedding there’s no coming back from that. & while I agree with your friend that you can see the difference in pictures, if she wants your makeup done she should pay for it.
Post # 12
Even if she does apologise for her – frankly – appalling behaviour, I wouldn’t be too inclined to have much to do with her from now on. It’s one thing to be so freaky and demanding about what she expects you to spend on her wedding, but her remarks about yours, I would struggle to let go of.
Post # 13
@melundie: “You’re not supposed to have to work this hard at being friends with someone.”
THIS!!! I ended a friendship with two sisters because they caused nothing but grief in my life, and I said exactly that to myself. Friendship shouldn’t be WORK. I felt I was always working to maintain our friendships, and I don’t feel that way with ANY of my other friends.
I’m sorry that it has come down to this for you, but it sounds like you may be better off. I don’t know what it is about planning a wedding that causes some brides to believe the world revolves around them! Good luck with everything.
Post # 14
I’m so sorry this happened to you! But I agree, you shouldn’t have to work that hard to be someone’s friend. I understand she might be stressed with so much going on, but regardless, nobody has the right to scream at you, at the top of their lungs, over make-up.
hopefully she comes around and apologizes, wishing the best for you :)!
Post # 15
I agree with lovekiss- give it a few days and see if she apologizes. Being a bride doesn’t mean you can be a bitch. Hopefully she’ll realize that a bridemaid’s makeup is the last thing people will be looking at in a wedding. Good for you for staying calm and rationale.
Post # 16
@melundie: I would let her cool down and contact you (a few days). She was probably having a moment of stress and is a bit frazzled. I am not justifying her behavior but I am pretty sure it is related to wedding planning. I don’t really understand brides who want everything to be perfect. I am giving my girls the option to get their hair and make-up done, not making them wear the same shoes, and pretty much letting them personalize each of their looks. If I could afford it and had room in my budget, I would pay for all of their hair and make-up. I am just grateful that my friends would stand for me at my wedding, it means a lot to me. 🙂 But I can understand how as a bridesmaid, why you would be put-off by her behavior. She had no right to scream at you in the manner that she did. I think you should give her a chance to cool down before you tell her you are going to drop out. Unless this has been a behavior pattern that she has been doing the entire time then I would probably drop out. Other than that, try and let her redeem herself. 🙂