(Closed) An update. Dropping out of the wedding…this is going to be long. :(

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@melundie:  

You’re not supposed to have to work this hard at being friends with someone.

Exactly. I’d like my BMs to have their makeup professionally done, but I understand that being a Bridesmaid or Best Man can be quite an expense so I am paying for the makeup artist to do everyone’s. Exploding on a friend because they can’t afford $85 for makeup is really out of line.

Post # 4
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

That’s very sad for you.  Sounds like this wedding is a bit much, but I hope you’ll be able to repair your friendship with the bride when all is said and done. I totally think she over reacted to your call, I bet nobody would notice her professional makeup at all.

Post # 6
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think that’s probably best – it sounds like this friendship is on its last legs at this point.  What a crazypants.  It’s not really about the money (I actually think that $380 is pretty reasonable for what you’re talking about), but her attitude.

 

 

 

Of course, I could be biased.  I’ve just decided that my sister’s wedding this summer is the last wedding I’ll be in, at least for a long while.  Between Darling Husband and me, we’ll have stood up in 6 weddings over the course of a year and spent more than I want to say on wedding party expenses.  It’s expensive and time-consuming and stressful, even if you don’t have drama like this chick is creating. 

 

 

 

Post # 7
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

how tragic. I would do the exact same thing. Hopefully she realizes what she said and how she acted was TERRIBLE 🙁

Post # 8
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Give it a few days and see how things go. She may wake-up, realize she is being a bit of a ‘zilla, and apologize.

Post # 9
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would drop out too! She sounds like she is having a lot of trouble dealing with wedding stress, and taking it out on you. Not someone I want to be around on her wedding day. Ugh!

Post # 10
Member
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

@lovekiss:  +1  I’d consider giving it a few days to see if she comes to her senses. Then, if she doesn’t apologize, I think it’s understandable for you to drop out, since she pretty much didn’t give you the option to *not* have your make up done AND it’s so unreasonable for her to be insisting on it. But she might still come around and realize how badly she treated you. I’m really sorry you’re in this position, it’s very unfair.

Post # 11
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Sounds like she had a meltdown! Is it possible she had a bad day & just snapped? Not that justifies the way she spoke to you.  But if she’s really your friend you’ll give her the benefit of the doubt give it a few days & try to talk to her. If the friendship has run its course then just let it go. If you drop out of her wedding there’s no coming back from that. & while I agree with your friend that you can see the difference in pictures,  if she wants your makeup done she should pay for it. 

Post # 12
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Even if she does apologise for her – frankly – appalling behaviour, I wouldn’t be too inclined to have much to do with her from now on. It’s one thing to be so freaky and demanding about what she expects you to spend on her wedding, but her remarks about yours, I would struggle to let go of.

Post # 13
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@melundie: “You’re not supposed to have to work this hard at being friends with someone.”


THIS!!! I ended a friendship with two sisters because they caused nothing but grief in my life, and I said exactly that to myself. Friendship shouldn’t be WORK. I felt I was always working to maintain our friendships, and I don’t feel that way with ANY of my other friends.

I’m sorry that it has come down to this for you, but it sounds like you may be better off. I don’t know what it is about planning a wedding that causes some brides to believe the world revolves around them! Good luck with everything.

 

 

Post # 14
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m so sorry this happened to you! But I agree, you shouldn’t have to work that hard to be someone’s friend. I understand she might be stressed with so much going on, but regardless, nobody has the right to scream at you, at the top of their lungs, over make-up.

hopefully she comes around and apologizes, wishing the best for you :)!

Post # 15
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I agree with lovekiss- give it a few days and see if she apologizes.  Being a bride doesn’t mean you can be a bitch.  Hopefully she’ll realize that a bridemaid’s makeup is the last thing people will be looking at in a wedding.  Good for you for staying calm and rationale.

Post # 16
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@melundie:  I would let her cool down and contact you (a few days). She was probably having a moment of stress and is a bit frazzled. I am not justifying her behavior but I am pretty sure it is related to wedding planning. I don’t really understand brides who want everything to be perfect. I am giving my girls the option to get their hair and make-up done, not making them wear the same shoes, and pretty much letting them personalize each of their looks. If I could afford it and had room in my budget, I would pay for all of their hair and make-up. I am just grateful that my friends would stand for me at my wedding, it means a lot to me. 🙂 But I can understand how as a bridesmaid, why you would be put-off by her behavior. She had no right to scream at you in the manner that she did. I think you should give her a chance to cool down before you tell her you are going to drop out. Unless this has been a behavior pattern that she has been doing the entire time then I would probably drop out. Other than that, try and let her redeem herself. 🙂 

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