(Closed) Anal sex? TMI?

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yell I am so sos sorry! 

Fortunatley my Darling Husband is NOT about the butt. He likes mine, ilke the shape of it, and the occasional wack, but thats about as far as it goes.

My best friend, on the other hand, was in the same situation as you. Her Darling Husband wasn’t interested in anything going near HIS, but he was ALL about hers… and she HATED it!

She would cry to me about it all the time because it was so painful and that it was just plain disgusting. I just told her she had to be straight with him about it and let him know how much she hated it and if he respected her he wouldn’t try it anymore. As far as I know she is doing better now. 

If you have hemhorroids I would say NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE. 

Post # 5
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Purple_Bride:  sorry, but this would not be okay with me in any way. It would be one thing if you we’re refusing to try it, but you have and you didn’t like it. End of story. It doesn’t matter how much your Darling Husband likes ass play, he needs to accept that it’s not something that brings you pleasure. There are plenty of other things to do in bed, and if he loves you, he shouldn’t be constantly badgering you or making you feel guilty about it. No freaking way, I’d tell him he won’t be having sex at all if he doesn’t lay off. 

Post # 6
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If you have hemorrhoids then having anal sex would not be advisable. I can’t believe any man would want to go in that area with a hemmi a hanging around…. That’s like physical proof that area should be left alone. 

Post # 7
1790 posts
Buzzing bee

@Purple_Bride:  oh yes thats a damn good excuse!! He could totally irritate that area even more than it obviously is, and I would NEVER let mine do that if I had hemmoriods.

If he cant lay off, Id cut him off! A relationship needs to be 50/50, not being a sex toy! Mine has been asking me to do it for awhile, but he knows how apprehensive I am about it, so he lays off.



Post # 9
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I have internal ones too from my kiddo so I feel your pain- literally! Yep those that hang around that long won’t go away without surgery which is NOT something I’m willing to do. Idk how comfortable you are addressing your hemmi issue with him, but if you don feel embarrassed I’d straight up talk to him about it. I think a ” these are painful and not going away without surgery. Using the restroom hurts so your penis in there is like knives so I just physically can’t with this ongoing issue” talk might help. His p,erasure should not be the cause of your pain, ever. 

Post # 10
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

First of all, with anal you need to train the sphincters. You can’t go from nothing to full on butt sex. You need to get it to adjust with differently sized toys. It will stretch much further than you think, but if you don’t do it slowly and with lots of lube then it’s going to be very, very painful.


You need a good lube. I like the fat free boy butter. It’s safe for both men and women. But I don’t think you can use it with condoms. I don’t like silicone lube, and waterbased won’t cut it with anal. Oil lubes can work but they can be problematic for lady parts since your body heat can make it drip into the vagina.


Before anal it’s good to try and defecate. If you want to ensure cleanliness then you can do a warm water enema. Just buy an enema bottle (you can get them at sex shops or the pharmacy), dump out the laxative, and refill with warm tap water. Follow the directions and keep flushing until the bottle is gone. That will clear out any residual fecal material.


Use lots, and lots of lube. Make sure nails are short and free of nicks or sharp edges. Start slowly. Bearing down actually makes entry easier since it releases the sphincter muscles.


Make sure that any toy you use has a retrieval cord or a flared end to prevent it from getting sucked in and lost. You do NOT want to be that person at the ER.


These are good beginner toys.


Good first time plug


A good prostate massager


A larger one to use before anal sex

Now I realize that you don’t want to receive anal sex, but it sounds like it’s important to him. Have you tried doing it to him? You might not hate it as much as you think you will.


Post # 11
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I totally understand you! I will never, EVER in a million years try it!

Also, if you have hemhorroids it is dangerous. They can rupture, and you can bleed alot. They also get worse with any penetration, strain etc. It is a severe health risk. And you can get a blood infection if your hemhorroids rupture and any flora gets in. You could even develop ulcers.

Tell your Fiance to stop pestering. Has he looked into getting a fleshlight? They’re male toys which are designed to feel like either vaginas or anuses.



Post # 12
4047 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I feel you on the hemhorroids. Mine come and go, but I would never attempt anal if I had some. If yours seem permanent, you can get surgery to remove them.

Anal really isn’t as bad as I imagined it to be. Use lots of lube, and honestly it’s not a big deal physically – especially if you already start out with vaginal sex and are nice and relaxed before moving on. That’s how we did it, and it was nice.

Can’t really help on the “ick” factor as that isn’t something I share with you.

Bottom line though, if you don’t want to do it, then you don’t want to. I’m very GGG (good, giving, and game for anything within reason), and anal is just not everyone’s cup of tea and not something someone should be required to do. You need to sit down with your Darling Husband and tell him it’s off limits and needs to be dropped if he wants your relationship to work, and just be dead serious about it.

Now I do hope you can come to enjoy it because then it can be a great activity for you both, but if it’s not going to happen, then he needs to respect that and drop the issue.

Post # 13
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

My FH is always asking for it too! ugh!!!! but of course doesn’t want me going anywhere near his butt! we have done it but I was drunk so I didn’t feel a thing until the next day but if he is trying to pressure you I would definitely ask him to respect your decision and if it’s something he can’t deal with then I don’t know unfortunately I couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t respect my sexual decisions. When FH asks me for it I always tell him listen I don’t mind it doing it but we have to take it extra slow and we have to do it my way and he listens and respects that. 

you do have a good medical excuse so he should understand that

Post # 14
2436 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Ugh my SO mentions it sometimes, and I absolutely refuse. He doesn’t want to hurt me or force me to do anything I don’t want to do, so he gave up actually asking for it and now just jokes about it sometimes. Although if I did change my mind, I’m sure he’d jump on the opportunity

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