(Closed) And guest?…

posted 7 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@AlmostVangor: I’m giving all of my bridal party a plus one if they want it (even though some are not dating anyone).

Everyone else gets a plus one only if they are married, engaged, or living together.

Post # 4
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

We’re giving everyone a plus one, but typically it’s if:

  • They’ve been dating over a year
  • They’re engaged or married
  • Wedding parties typically get a plus one

Does that help? You don’t have to stick to these rules exactly, but that’s what I’ve gathered is ‘appropriate,’ lol.

As far as your friend who has been dating the guy for a year, how does she see their relationship? If she thinks they’re serious, I would consider inviting him.

Post # 5
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Here was our thought process:

  • Bridesmaids and groomsmen got a guest, period, whether they were dating someone or not. (Generally the wedding party is granted guests even when other invitees are not.)
  • If they are engaged, they’re allowed a guest.
  • We’re not differentiating between “living together” and “in a serious relationship” because we have never lived together, but we’ve been together for 5.5 years and were very serious for a long time (serious enough to be getting married!). So, if in a serious relationship, that person is invited.
  • With friends who aren’t involved, we decided on a case-by-case basis whether they’d get a guest. For example, out-of-towners who may not know many people got a guest for sure. FI’s friends from college who will all be in attendance as a group? No guests necessary.

The “and guest” thing is such a hard issue. Even though we had a system, ours were not clear-cut either. I hope I helped at least a little…good luck!

Post # 6
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

If the person is over 18 they get an “and guest.”

Everyone is different.  I did this because I know that a few people in my family would bring a guest whether he/she was invited or not.  So, in order to avoid a fiasco of finding a seat for dinner for all the unannounced guests, I’m inviting all adults with a guest so that I know I have an exact head count.  Also, I don’t want people to wonder why one cousin was allowed with a (uninvited) guest while another was not.

People such as my grandma who is widowed will not get a plus one because I know she would see that as odd.

Post # 8
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We’re only inviting +1s if they’re in a long-term relationship…if you just started dating a few months ago, no.  There really aren’t that many single people on our guest list, though.  Most are married, engaged or living together.

Post # 9
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

we gave a plus one if people were living together, engaged, married, is a sibling of ours or part of the bridal party. 

Post # 10
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

My bf and I were JUST talking about this the other day and agreed that we would never, ever invite any single person alone.  A wedding is fun with dancing, drinks, dinner conversation and often it’s romantic.  I would never want to go alone to any wedding.  We would do ‘and gues’ to everyone.  We don’t care if they aren’t dating anyone – bring your bestie, bring your Mom, whatever.  But I don’t think sitting around alone (even though people say ‘they’ll know people’ it’s not the same) at a wedding is going to be much fun for anyone….  But everyone thinks differently.  In our circle of family/friends we’ve never encountered any kind of invite to someone single that didn’t say ‘and guest’ so WB is actually the first time I’ve heard of it. 

Post # 11
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Married and engaged couples are social units and have to be invited together.  Some people include live-ins in the must invite category but I do not.  I have no animosity towards living together (my husband and I did before we were engaged) but I don’t necessarily think it means a couple is more serious than a long-term dating couple that chooses to live apart for whatever reason.  So if you include live-ins you should also include serious couples who don’t live together.

Obviously, the more inclusive you can be, the better.

ETA: we had VERY few single guests; the few that were got a +1 because we had the space and budget to accommodate them.

Post # 12
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@luckyprincess:  Couldn’t have said it better.  And I don’t think I ever got an invitation when I was single that didn’t come with “and guest.”

Post # 13
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

1. Wedding Party members should probably get +1, even if they aren’t attached. And if your Bridesmaid or Best Man focuses on the guy, it’ll completely suck, but that’s on her. Don’t invite her without a guest just to try and orchestrate her behaving a certain way. 

2. Engaged and living together/long-term relationships generally get a +1

That’s how I would cut it. If you are on a budget,  anyone who doesn’t fall into category 1 or 2 doesn’t bring a guest. 

The other thing is, to offer a different pov to @luckyprincess’ comment (and luckyprincess, I’m not necessarily disagreeing with your perspective), it’s not the end of the world to go to a wedding single–and some people actually prefer it because they’d rather not go through the song and dance of trying to find a date or attending a wedding with someone they don’t know too well. And in the end, if it comes down to your budget and you have to make some cuts, +1s are a courtesy, and not a requirement nor a breach of etiquette to omit (unless you’re omitting FIs and such). Those who really are that uncomfortable attending a wedding alone will use their own discretion and decline. 

Post # 15
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@JennyW1:+I agree that 1s are a courtesy.  I don’t a bride is not required to give them to all guests. 

But I also think the tendency to give out a lot of +1s may be regional.  I grew up in rural Pennsylvania and most weddings I attended gave all single adults a +1.  But then again, a lot of those wedding receptions were held in church halls, VFWs, etc., so the cost for some extra guests wasn’t that steep.

Post # 16
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@AlmostVangor: Good! Glad I could help!

 

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