Post # 1
We’d like to have about 100 people at our wedding, so we put 125 on our guest list expecting that some won’t be able to attened. We included spouses and long term significant others in our list of 125, but didn’t include +1s for guests that aren’t in a relationship. Most of our single friends all hang out in the same crowd and will all know each other.
So, last night I was talking to my mom and she yelled at me for being rude, saying that all guests should have a +1. Is that true? I’ve been invited to several weddings without a +1 (including Mom’s remarriage). Was I being slighted and I’m just too clueless to know it?
Post # 3
I think it’s fine not to include +1s. Especially since they’ll know evryone anyway 🙂
Post # 4
@Ms. Kitty: it’s completely acceptable. They all know each other. They won’t feel uncomfortable. I think it’s absolutely fine. I think it’s unheard of to give every single guest a +1. That’s ridiculous
Post # 5
@Ms. Kitty: Your mother is wrong. Etiquette demands that social units be invited together. Social units are marrieds, engageds, and living togethers. Social units are not people who are in a realtionship of just dating.
You of course CAN include dating couples, but you are not required to.
You are in the clear. Etiquette gods will spare you!
Post # 6
@MlleBrielle: I think this depends on where you are from. I find it ridiculous that you wouldn’t give a plus one to everyone!
Post # 7
@j_jaye: I don’t know. If there is a large group of friends who are close, I don’t think it’s necessary to give the single people in that group a +1, especially since their whole social circle is already invited. Who would they bring? A sibling? I think if you’re in a long term relationship, or even short term, a +1 is neccessary.
If I gave everyone a +1, I would have had a 500 person wedding.
Post # 8
@Ms. Kitty: I think you’re only slighted if everyone gets a plus 1 except you. Personally, I plan on letting our single friends bring guests, but only because we have room for them. Future Mother-In-Law said we don’t need to give +1s to those who are not in relationships unless they are Out of Town guests. I’ve also heard of not letting those in “short” relationships not bring their SOs (as in dating less than 6 months or some other rule the bride & groom come up with). Other people will only allow those who are married to bring their husbands/wives. Personally, I think you just need to make a rule and stick to it. Some examples I’ve seen on the bee:
- Everyone over 18 gets a +1 (This is what I’m doing because I have the space)
- Everyone over 18 in a relationship gets a +1 and people who “don’t know anyone” get a +1 (I don’t like this because I would have to figure out who knows who and its tricky to enforce)
- Everyone who has been in a relationship for more than 6 months gets a +1
- Anyone in a “serious” relationship gets a +1 (married, engaged, living together)
- Anyone in a “serious” relationship or that is travelling from out of town gets a +1 (the theory being that you shouldn’t have to travel alone)
- Only married couples get invited together (engaged couples get upset about this one)
- No one gets a +1 (People will get upset about this one, very few people are willing to come without their husband/wife)
Post # 9
i didn’t include +1’s on my invites but i included friends & families partners or SO’s.
Post # 10
@MlleBrielle: I was commenting on your comment that it was unheard of and ridiculous. In some social circles/cultures it is completely rude to not give a guest a plus one! Everyone at my wedding got a plus one!
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
@andielovesj: Agreed- Emily Post backs you up on this one: “Allowing single guests who aren’t attached to a significant other to bring a date is a thoughtful gesture, but one that is not required.”
I’ve been invited to more weddings in my life solo than with a plus one, and it was always fine (except for one, where I was put at a table with all the “smug marrieds.”)
If I was asked- “would you rather bring a random date, or allow us to invite another friend,” my answer would have always been- “invite another friend.” I could go stag for 4 hours to allow them to celebrate with more people that they love.
Post # 12
It’s not wrong to only give +1s to certain people. You don’t want complete strangers at your wedding and people just to bring a date for the heck of it. We’re only extending +1s to people in relationships.
Post # 13
@andielovesj: Hmm… I think anyone who considers themselves to be in a relationship as a social unit. How is someone who’s lived together for 3 months considered a social unit but someone who’s been dating for a year isn’t? Many people in relationships don’t live together and I think it’s very unfair to not consider them a social until.
OP, people who are in a relationship should be given a +1 (per etiquette). It’s a nice gesture to give people +1s who have to travel or won’t know anyone there but it isn’t necessary.