(Closed) And guest?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Britannylee:  etiquette of asking him to be in the wedding party?

Post # 4
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think you’re referring to the “and guest” vs. your name? This happened to me as well – my SO university friend (who I had never met) sent an invitation to their wedding in California addressed with “and guest”. I was initially insulted, because it wouldn’t have been THAT hard to confirm my full name with SO. After thinking about it though, I realized that maybe there were giving him the option of bringing another guest if for whatever reason I couldn’t go, so he wouldn’t have to go alone or ask about bringing another guest. In the end, I didn’t go – I signed my name on the card and when we received a thank you card it was addressed to both of us. Don’t take it to heart, unless this is someone you both know well!

Post # 5
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

There could be many reasons for not writing out your name.. laziness when preparing invitations, maybe the person who wrote them doesn’t know you or your relationship very well?

Unless you have some reason to believe that they don’t like you, I would let it go. I doubt it is a personal slight against you. I think that many people are not nearly as well versed in etiquette as others. If you’re a Bee, chances are you’re about 5x more knowledgeable on the subject than the average joe! My Fiance was shocked by all the knowledge I picked up in just a few weeks.

Post # 6
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I definitely tried to write the name of the SO/fiancé on all our addresses. However, I found out later that Fi had just written “and Guest” on any of his people, even if he knew they were married!!! What?! So if he knew a coworker was married, he just wrote “and Guest” instead of asking the wife’s name. I was mortified! 

But this is the guy who just wanted to hand out invitations instead of ask for addresses. I put my foot down. But I didn’t realize I needed to clarify the etiquette of getting SO’s names. So we probably inadvertently put “and Guest” on a few of his married/engaged people’s Save-The-Date Cards.

It sounds like this friend should know your name, but sometimes guys can be denser than we expect.

Post # 7
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

It could be that he didn’t write them out, someone else did and they didn’t have your name so put “and guest” instead of going through the phone call to ask your name. They probably did that to a lot of them…

Post # 8
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow, rude. In this day and age of Facebook, how hard would it have been to look up your name, or, I don’t know? ASK HIM what your name is? We’re inviting one of FI’s friends and his girlfriend. We’ve never met his girlfriend, and had no idea what her name was. I looked at his Facebook (and had to do a little digging), but I found it. Simple.

Post # 9
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think it sometimes depends on the age of the bride as well… if this is the first wedding of the friends, it might not have occured to her to not write and guest…

Common practice now is to find out the name.  But if there isn’t anyone to tell her this, she might simply not know.

Bad etiquette, yes, but might be more ignorance than anything else. 

Post # 10
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

No one should be addressed as “and guest”.  Each and every guest should be addressed by name.  Especially so, if they have know you for 5 years.

So they were very rude.  But I think you have to decide how you want to more forward.

 

Post # 11
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@NAvery  My Fiance wanted to do the same thing.  When I asked him to start collecting addresses, he said “what for, I will just hand them out”.  Men have no clue sometimes  LOL

Post # 12
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

@italiaangel80:  “what for, I will just hand them out”

but this is easier…… LOL

Post # 13
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My (now) husband and I were invited to his brother’s wedding as His Name & guest.  (We had been engaged for a year, had already planned our wedding and were married before his brother – I wasn’t a flavor of the week!)  My feelings were hurt – there’s been some tension with BIL’s wife and my Darling Husband, so it seemed like an intentional slight. 

Not bothering to include the name of a SO who is invited is most definitely rude, and lazy.  It’s not that difficult to write/remember the name of your guests.

Typically though, I don’t think it’s meant as an insult.  Certainly, the couple inviting guests should know and use the names of the people they invite; but there seem to be some folks who think that you ought to invite half of a couple as “and Guest” unless the couple is married.  (It’s not proper, as @andielovesj:  said each and every guest should be addressed by name, but some people swear it’s the way things should be done!)

You aren’t wrong to feel insulted; but that doesn’t mean that you need to act based on that feeling.  If the couple is otherwise pretty friendly and nice to you, you might want to let this one go. 

Post # 14
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Definitely an Etiquette Faux-Pas… so I totally get why you feel slighted / insulted… more so because you guys obviously have a close relationship with “the man” in this two-some

As others have said, there are a variety of reasons HOW this might have happened.

1- Groom-2-B addressed the Invites… and didn’t know any better

2- Bride addressed the Invites… and didn’t have a clue about Wedding Etiquette

3- Someone else (or a service) addressed the Invites… and wasn’t given the info that they needed to do the job properly

Ya it sucks…

Unfortunately, this is one of those things that is discussed many times here on the WBee ETIQUETTE BOARDS on WHY knowing a bit of proper social etiquette is important in life (particularly so when it comes to an event like a Wedding)…

However, there will always be those who don’t know… or worse… don’t care about the impression they make with others

In the long run, it is there loss as it does reflect badly on them (too bad that is “the key element” they don’t understand / are missing out on) because there are social opportunities LOST due to such a faux-pas

NOW… IF THAT IS YOUR QUESTION…

Whether you still choose to have “the man” as a member of your Bridal Party is up to you and your Hubby.

Obviously, as there seems to be a disconnect in regards to Wedding Etiquette overall… there could be issues in regards to his understanding of the role in regards to the requirement of commitment of time and funds to the position… something you’d want to be really clear with him up front.

Otherwise, it would SUCK if he took on the role too casually, saying YES, only later to let you guys down in regards to participation because he hasn’t a clue as to the proper Wedding Etiquette… (certainly have been stories here on WBee previously about members of the Bridal Party backing out last minute, or not able to perform their duties because of time or financial restraints)

Certainly, something to think about as you make these all important choices

 

Post # 15
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I wouldn’t think twice about it. We got a panic email from a friend who addressed his wedding invite only to Darling Husband, despite having worked with both Darling Husband and I, attended numerous social functions with us, and even attending our wedding. The couple had some issues with their Excel mailing list spreadsheet and hadn’t noticed till the sheet was printed, handed over to someone else, and envelopes written and stuffed. The bride only noticed when she went to mail them. So there may be a perfectly innocent explanation. Plus, the mysterious meaning behind an envelope is almost a super secret language of its own. The couple might not know the rules.

Life is too short and too complex to put such weight onto a few lines on an envelope.

Post # 16
Member
4511 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

The invitation should have been addressed to you by name. It is rude, but they probably didn’t know any better, and I’m sure they didn’t mean it as an insult.

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