(Closed) and guest…

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

You don’t have to invite anyone you don’t want to, simple as that.

+1s are a courtesy, but it’s best to draw the line of no +1s or all +1s so that no one’s nose gets out of joint, extra drama, etc.

Post # 4
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@mrg1005:  ugh, I am in a similar boat, so I don’t have an answer for you, but I’d love to hear what others have to say…  Personally, I’d like to give my single friends +1s (we aren’t inviting many friends really, mostly an intimate family affair), and I’ll probably at least kind of know who they bring, but I don’t really want to give some of my cousins +1s for various reasons.  I also dont want to be rude though… I don’t want to threadjack your thread, so I’ll vent about my own situation in a different thread a different day, but still I’m interested to hear what advice people will give you! 🙂

Post # 5
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Ultimately it’s up to you but, it is the polite thing to do.  Keep in mind that just because you offer for them to bring a guest doesn’t mean they will. Some people may not feel comfortable attending alone or excluding someone and may choose not to attend. For example, my fiancé was invited to a friend’s wedding a few weeks before proposing and he rsvp’d no because I was not invited. He said he would have felt awkward attending without me when he knew we would be engaged. We were not offended, we just assumed they had decided on a no guest policy. We later found out that the groom was upset by my fiancé not attending because the rest of their high school group (all with invited spouses) were there. You may want to try to revise the guest list to accommodate plus ones for any singles you definitely want to attend.

 

Post # 6
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@mrg1005:  Actually, “plus ones” are a discourtesy, not a courtesy. The practice of using the term “and Guest” on a formal invitation presumes that real people can appropriately be treated as accessories, appendages, or conveniences for the guests whose presence the hostess actually wants. That such a cavalier attitude creates problems for the hostess strikes me as only fair.

What etiquette actually requires, is that every guest be invited by his or her own name in an invitation sent to his or her own address. When you do that, you don’t have to worry about the all-or-nothing approach that thirdtimebride  recommends, because as far as appearances go, you are not inviting “plus ones” for anyone. But, for the people who really do have non-random “plus-ones”, you can choose deliberately to invite the “plus-one” as a guest. To do this you call or email your friend and ask for the name and address of someone they would like you to invite. Then, assuming they don’t give you the name and address of Random Buddy, you send the invitation directly to the person they propose.

Post # 7
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We’re only giving a plus one for those who have been in long-term relationships or live together. Since they’re specific people, their names will be on the invite, not “guest”.

Post # 8
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@amyj1276:  “We’re only giving a plus one for those who have been in long-term relationships or live together. Since they’re specific people, their names will be on the invite, not “guest”.

+1.

Post # 9
Member
2969 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

we only gave plus ones to guests who were in long term relationships or wouldn’t know many other people at the wedding. we really wanted to keep the number of “randoms” to a minimum.

Post # 10
Member
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We gave +1s to everyone, but I think it’s becoming more popular to not have them.

Post # 11
Member
1346 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@mrg1005:  

@ferdie224:  

If they are not in a relationship, they don’t get a plus one.

Yes, it would be nice and polite to do, but if you don’t have the money or the space, you just can’t do it.

Post # 12
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I know that the +1 topic is really sensitive around here, but I think you need to do what’s best for you and FH. If it is not financially feasible for you to have +1 for everybody, please don’t do it. I have have been invited to more than one wedding with no option to bring a date and I never felt slighted or offended. It really boggles my mind that so many are offended by this. I am always just so happy to be asked to be apart of someone’s special day, that I don’t even think to take offense if I can’t bring a date.

Post # 13
Member
11343 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree with Aspasia475, who knows everything there is to be known about etiquette. I also wanted to add that I was unmarried until I was 47. Although I received a few invitations over the years that had my name “and guest” written on the inner envelope, most often I was invited alone, and I did not mind. I almost always knew others at the wedding and was seated at a table with friends.

Post # 14
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

If they’re not engaged or cohabiting, you don’t have to invite their current “friend.”

But if you have the funds and are feeling generous to allow them to bring a +1 (which is how I’m going to do it), call and ask for the guest’s name so you can address the invitation accordingly and/or send them a separate one.

This is because from my comprehension of etiquette rules from Miss Manners and Emily Post, the invitation is never supposed to address, “[Name] and Guest.”  Only proper names are appropriate on formal invitations.

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