Post # 1
My Fiance and I have been together since December 2005. Granted, we have had on and off moments, but we have only really been apart for 6 months. Regardless, we have been living together since May 2011 and have been engaged since October 2011.
Fiance has a friend who I met maybe twice in 2006. This friend is getting married this summer, and Fiance just receieved the wedding invite. It is only addressed to my Fiance, but the inside card says Fiance “and guest”.
Now this friend of his HAS to know we are engaged seeing that his best man is constantly talking to my Fiance. Also, since the friend asked my Fiance on Facebook what his address is, he HAD to see “engaged to ________”.
Am I wrong that it is complete wedding invite etiquette to include long-time SO or FIs?! Especially when you are using Facebook to look up a friend’s info – the fiance’s name is right there! I am so incredibly offended by this, especially when I have been with my Fiance longer than these two have been together!
My Fiance isn’t even phased by this and thinks I’m overreacting. I informed dear Fiance that I would NEVER not include someone’s SO on a wedding invite, and would do my research to figure out said SO’s name. I don’t feel like going to this wedding and spending money on a gift for someone who can’t even put my name on an invite…
Sorry if this is way too lengthy. Just seeing if I’m severly overreacting or what. And venting. Mainly venting.
Post # 3
I wouldn’t get bent out of shape about it. Although you are totally correct, I refuse to let other people push my buttons to that extent.
The friend and/or his fiancee are lazy:
either too lazy to educate themselves re invitation etiquette
or too lazy to ensure they know your name,
or too lazy to write it out on the envelope.
Post # 4
I bet the friend’s fiancée has been bugging the friend for your name for months, and she finally just ran out of time and had to put your invitation in the mail.
These things should not always reflect on the bride. My Mother-In-Law neglected to even tell me that one of her friends was married, and she only gave me the friend’s individual name. She casually mentioned the husband in a conversation after I had sent the invitation, and she refused to call the friend to apologize because she didn’t want the husband to attend. So I sent the friend a note apologizing for the miscommunication and telling her that of course her husband was welcome to attend. Eek!
Post # 5
@julies1949: That’s a good perspective. Thank you! I probably won’t go (my Fiance can go if he wants) but it’s on my birthday weekend and I don’t feel like being the “and guest” that weekend.
Post # 6
You are correct, they should have tried a little harder. But I wouldn’t cut them out of your life entirely, or not attend the wedding over something like this. You could even be funny and address the wedding present to Fi and guest, lol.
Post # 7
Prehaps they didn’t know your last name? Or they are not sure how to spell it? I get things addressed to olny fi all the time and on the inside it says Fi, and Birdie, or I will get a big mush of the spelling of my last name.
edit: Saw your update. That’s kinda petty, In My Humble Opinion. Then you will be pissed that hes attending a wedding instead of spending your “birthday weekend” with you…. Oye vey.
Post # 8
I personally think its not worth the energy getting upset over this. Its just a name on a wedding invite.
Post # 9
Looks to me like FI’s friend knows you exist but doesn’t know you well enough to know your name (seriously–how many of YOUR friend’s BFs/SOs can your own Fiance name, both first and last?)–totally common among the boys.
My guess is that, as is quite common on the ‘bee, the couple is stressed and planning a million different things and bride asked Fiance to please get me those names and he never did it and so this is the last resort.
I wouldn’t bother getting offended over it. Calmly and legibly write in your name on the RSVP card and be happy when it shows up on the placecards 🙂
Post # 10
Thanks, everyone! It was mainly to vent, so sorry if anyone thinks I was wasting time on this…
Fiance hasn’t talked to the friend in years, and informed me he finds the invite weird since he was never very close to him. So, it is what it is. Let bygones be bygones – and other idioms.
Post # 11
@ersatzpnk: I reacted the same way when my Fiance got invites last summer…I lost it with anger.. not at him but mad ingeneral. We had been together longer than both couples who were getting married yet the invite said Fi and Guest….as if they had never met me… and I knew them too…I was so mad…but honestly just let it go it is not worth it to bother you all you have is that you know you would never do that
Post # 12
I wouldn’t make a big deal about this, I think because of the fact you met them only a few times they probably didn’t know your last name, and I also agree the bride was probably nagging for the info and he never gave it to her. I think if it was someone who knew and it was intentional it would be a different story.
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
@ElbieKay: “I bet the friend’s fiancée has been bugging the friend for your name for months, and she finally just ran out of time and had to put your invitation in the mail.”
Rebwana: What’s Tom’s wife name?
Fiance: I don’t know. Do we have to invite her?
R: Yes. Can you please find out?
He eventually found it on FB after I bugged him a couple of times- this was for save the dates. I wouldn’t have held up the invites for it.
(Not implying that they didn’t want to invite you…just trying to demonstrate how men and invites work!)
Post # 14
@imalittlebirdie: See the other update. Fiance hasn’t talked to this friend in years. I’m not that petty…
Post # 15
@MrsAu: Thank you! I know it’s not the biggest thing in the world (although I am feeling that some of these responses make it seem like it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me) but it is the principle. I guess I’m lucky that I have a Fiance who actually will call people to figure out SO’s names. I can’t see me badgering him for the info. He’s been pretty good at this whole thing thus far – even reminding me of SO’s that I forgot.
Post # 16
@ElbieKay: My Fiance still hasn’t gotten me the 4 addresses he is in charge of. The STD’s went out a month ago.
Don’t take it personally, wedding planning is stressful. I got lists with nicknames, people don’t think. That girl has a lot on her plate. (Can you tell I’m stressed!)